Bagism: Library

In Our Own Write - Chapter 7


In Our Own Write is an interactive story YOU create. But don't worry, you won't have to write the whole thing yourself. You can can contribute as much or as little as you'd like. The idea is to build on whatever was written before, a little at a time. The specifics of the story is completely up to you, but the main theme should have something to do with John Lennon.

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Yes, Ringo is still attached to a chair. For your information he just won 23 octillion dollars in a Readers Digest Sweepstakes and he got divorced to meg and Abbie(who just married Paul) and Maureen. Boo hoo hoo :-( they said. But it was good because they ended up getting all of Ringo's 23 octillion. But they couldn't spend it because they were in England where they don't use dollars. They use bobs and pounds and boxcar prawns and crowns or whatever. Meanwhile Paul and his brand new wife were very VERY happy together and they went to a blue-light special at K-Mart on their honeymoon. Then George decided to go to Siberia. So he went to Siberia and got eaten by giant sock puppets who drink their own urine. How will George escape? And isn't Abbie the greatest thing since Corned Beef and Cabbage? I sure think so.

I think we should get rid of abbie now. she's annoying too.

George decided to reminse so he fled back to Penny Lane, were he coincidentally met up with Rocky Raccoon. Poor Rocky, now injured (from the bullet shot) and still depressed about Lil. Now the second Rocky and Abbie laid eyes on each other they were in love. George snuck out while they were "doing it in the road" and went to hideout at Pauls house, where he slept with Martha in the doghouse.

Then Ringo got hit by a car! Again!

Ringo then decided, while he was in the hospital, to sue the driver and it turned out to be Meg, Abbie, and Maurine in the car. So Ringo decided to get even with them and sued them all because they were all drunk. The court ruled in his favor, especially since the judge was Ringos biggest fan. Meg Maureen and Abbie had to pay Ringo 23 octillion dollars (which they happened to take from him) and Ringo went back living fat and happy again.

But then Paul took the momey from Ringo by telling him he was writing a movie for them to be in, and that Ringo would be in the credits BY HIMSELF!!!

But Ringo was so angry at this that he punched Paul in the nose, and now Paul has a huge nose. Even bigger than Ringo's!

When Abbie saw Paul's nose, she came over and kicked Ringo where it really counts "OOOOOCH!!!!" Ringo screeched as he grabbed his you know what and fell over. Abbie ran over to see Paul, who was lying on the ground, unconcious. She kissed him with her magic kiss, and he opened his eyes. PAUL HAD A STUNNING REVELATION: "you're not Abbie at all!!" he said looking closely at her face "you're just an Annie look alike who changed the 2 middle letters of her name (Annie - nn + bb = Abbie) just like that stupid William Campbell, or whatever" pAUL WAS ANGRY. "get out of here you impostor!!" he yelled. and just like that, the impostor who called herself "Abbie" dissapeared and in her place appeared the REAL Annie. Paul so overjoyed and at a loss for words that all he did was scream "MAYBE I'M AMAZED AT THE WAY YOU LOVE ME ALL THE TIME MAYBE I'M AFRAID OF THE WAY I LOVE YOU" and he ran over and kissed, and kissed, and kissed her, until the next morning when who would appear but...

Lauren!! She came to see how Meg and John were doing but instead she saw everyone fighting. "Stop it!!" she screamed so everyone did.

...Liam Gallagher,from oasis.Then all of a sudden,Paul jumps up and says,"however big you think you are," you're still NOT the Beatles.Uncontrollably, Paul rips off Annie's arm and starts beating Liam with it. Liam says," but Paul,I am your sheep dog.Beat me, spurn me , strike me, neglect me...I am your's for the taking. "And Paul beckon's Linda, "sick the bastard." And she says," Live and Let Die." Liam runs away, refusing to "look back in anger." Suddenley,Annie retrives her arm and and puts it on display at Albert Hall, where she runs into none other than...

Nicole2! Nicole2 was at the Albert Hall, where Annie saw her walking around with her head held low. Annie cautiously walked over to Nicole2 and asked her if she wanted some octopus from the refreshments counter. "No thank you," said Nicole2. "Oh and by the way, how is George?" She asked. "Uhm...George? He's just fine.....uh...", replied Annie. (real intelligent). As Annie was walking away from nicole2, she looked down and saw a little bug. It was about 1 inch long. It spoke to her. "Annie, break up with George! I want him for myself!!" The little bug said. "You? You, a mere bug, want my Georgie? Replied annie. "I am not a bug!!" "Yes you are." "No! I'm not! And with that, the bug magically turned into Yoko Ono. (GASP!!)

Then the beautiful Meggi appeared and took George and flew him away to a land where nothing is real. She loved him and he loved her. They had a beautiful wedding under the stars.

that's really nice, but getting back to the bug who magically turned into Yoko Ono. "AHHHHHHHHH!!!" Annie screamed as she looked at Yoko with disbelief "But i thought you were stalking john, and anyways, i'm married to Paul, not George, you silly little lady" "oh" Yoko replied thoughtfully. Just then George walked in along with Paul. Annie ran up and hugged Paul and told him about Yokos obsession with George. "oh god" Paul said as Yoko.... (continue on)

How come no one will let me marry George? I've been trying to get into the story for a long time, but nobody will let me! Lauren let Meg have John!

For no apparent reason, six guys with lances suddenly appear out of nowhere, yell something that sounds like "Sector 6 Rules", begin bobbing up and down, and then vanish as suddenly as they appeared. Oy.

Without announcement, hoards of spannicky people came rushing in glistening in the sunset. They never actually said anything, but all the silence combined seemed to culminate in a whisper, which it was hoped would give an answer to all those quesitions that aren't supposed to have answers. Paul listened carefully with one ear, whilst using the other to repeatedly strangle his mahogony football pitch with a discarded telephone cord. The voice seemed to say, "look in the filing cabinet, look in the filing cabinet". Paul called out "hey John will you look in the filing cabinet for us?". John yelled back a distorted nod of agreement and the next thing that Paul heard was a scream that could curdle blood at twenty paces without the use of a corkscrew. John came in looking as though he had just seen a ghost running off with his record collection. "What's wrong?" asked Paul. John recalled how he had found Ringo's disembodied hat in one of the cabinet drawers with a note saying it with flowers. Paul looked astonished and suddenly found himself in customs. "Have you anything to declare sir?" asked the customs officer in a faded and unrealistic Japanese accent. "Umm, there's me wooden leg - but we got than duty free, and Lindas got a couple of wigs... and oh yeah, there's 20 kilos of cannabis hidden in the lining of the suitcase". "But sir, this is a most serious offence, we Japanese look very harshly upon bringing that sort of stuff into the country. How many times must I tell you about Linda's wigs?". But before he could asnwer "34" Paul was woken by John. "Paul, Paul wake up - it's just a dream". "But this is your dream isn't it John?" he responded. John was so embarrased he almost forgot to look surprised, but with good fortune he was woken up by George. "Come on John we have songs to record". "Don't be silly son, how d'ya expect me to sing with all this linguini lodged down me throat".

So all of the sudden John gets a super tune in his head. He starts to write this great song about the way dreams are real. He calls it "My Nightmare, My Life". This song is about how even in John's worst dreams he can still be free. Paul hates the song because it is John's best yet. To record the song at Abbey Road, John calls in the London Symphony Orchestra and Eric Clapton. Well George is limited to rythym guitar because of Eric playing lead, so Paul bangs out the piano, with John on Organ, and of course Ringo on drums. George Martin says it's the best Beatle's track ever. When the song is released as a single, it creates a chain reaction across the world of people having terrible yet plesent nightmares. And then as the Beatles plan a six month world tour......

So then the Ku Klux Klan get REALLY pissed at this tour because John made a comment that he was better than all bitter wicked white supremacists (he was talking about George at the time). So the KKK threw explosive Jellybeans at all the Beatles concerts and in the South they burned Beatle albums. The Yoko flew in and said, "YOU GUYS ALL SUCK!! DON'T BURN BEATLES ALBUMS!" So they grabbed Yoko and tried to burn her too. When all looked its worst, Abbie (remember her?) flew in and took everyone in the South to Doctor Robert who made them New and Better Men and Helped Them to Understand that burning Beatle albums sucked.

Abbie and Paul got married again. One day they decided to go to Bangledesh. There were lots of poor people there. When they got back, Abbie told George about it and George decided to make a big concert so 0.00000021% would go to the Bangledeshianites. Paul got SO jealous he decided to kill Abbie. What WILL she do?

She'll let him kill her, she's getting on my nerves anyways.

Meanwhile, Yoko was sitting at home at night, darning her socks. There was nobody there. Sadly, the holes that she was fixing kept reappearing, and it was impossible for her to keep up with the rate of which they were doing so. At that moment, in walked John with a bag over his head. Oh darling, said Yoko, joinging him underneath it. He caressed her all over and said, 'Woman.....let me try to express etc', before bursting into chants of 'Power to the People'. This disturbed her a little, although she found it extremely sexually arousing, and thus orgasmed all over his wandering hand.

This was all well and good, but sex didn't alleviate the problem of the burning of the beatle records.......whilst in their turnd on state, the happy couple decided to take a stand, proclaiming their vow to stamp out detroit, and other areas that decided to take such a disgusting stance. Perhaps the Jesus comment was a bit much, admitted John to his lover, but I didn't think that we were so ugly that they needed to stick Two Virgins in a bag....

So John and Yoko decided to record a record together, entitled 'La La La Lash, where's my hash?'

Then John gained back his sanity and left Yoko for the final time. Paul came to John's new house in Germany and told him to come. So Paul brought John to a remote area and he saw an abandoned house. They walked inside and there were George and Ringo sitting with none other than the queen. "I have something I want the four of you to do, something top secret. And that is to...

"Find the holy grail again. I know last time god told you to find it, but this time I need it because all my other holy grails a dirty, and I'm very thirsty, so if you could just................" .................(it's up to you now)................. (I'm finshed,).................. (bye)

"Why us?" Everyone asked. "Well," said the Queen. "The last person I asked was Monty Python and they not only kept the grail but kept the bloody royalties for the movie whose theme I came up with. The suit is still pending. Now, those money hungry guys are still using MY IDEAS for a CD-ROM game. I think you guys are gear and know all about how painful suing each other can be. So fool with me and I'll sue you." "Wow", said John, "You really can't stand Monty Python, can you?" "And I can't stand Spam either", spat the Queen. "Well, I think Eric Idle is a great guy," quipped George. "You would" they all said while rolling their eyes. After rolling their eyes and getting quite dizzy the boys set out once again in a quest for the holy grail....

They started on the beach and ran to and fro, through all of the sun bathing people. They really were confused about where to start and where to find monty python and take the grail. So they just kept running. Then, to their surprize, they saw John Cleese laying on a towel underneath an umbrella! They ran over and knocked him out with a sharp blow to the head and brought him to John's little house. There they waited for him to wake up, and when he did, the first thing they said was "We're sorry if we hurt your head, John." He just looked at them and said, "Hey! You're the Beatles!" "Yeah, and you're monty python," said John. "Now where's the grail?" "Oh," said Cleese. "You want the grail. Did the queen send you? I've had so many people attack me for that damn grail saying the queen sent them." "Like who?" asked Ringo. "Well, there was the Prime minister, Paul's grandfather, your brother, George." "My brother?" asked George, "Which one?" "Irrelevant! I'm not telling you where the grail is. You're no different than the others, like Prince Charles who thought he could get it by being cute. But he's not." "Not what?" asked George. "Not cute," replied Cleese. So the Beatles took him into the other room and tied him to the chair until he told them where to go for the grail. "I'll tell you only if you answer just one question," said Cleese. "What?" asked John. "What is the velocity of a swallow-" "Hold on a minute there!" said Paul. I already saw your stupid movie, Sir Lancelot. I'm surprized you didn't get thrown off of the bridge!" "Alright, alright!" said Cleese. "All I can tell you is that Eric's got it in London somewhere. So you best be getting away from Germany!" "Alright!" shouted Paul and they were off, forgetting to untie a shouting John Cleese (he sat there for days until a passerby heard him).

So they found themselves on a plain to London. They wandered around for days and days trying to find the grail. Then suddenly, John, the smart one, cried "I know where it is!!" then Paul, the wanna-be screamed "NO!! I know where it is!!" Then George, wanting to fit in with the rest also yelled "Nononono!!! It's ME!! I know where it is!!!" Then Ringo, never one to go along with the crowd, asked calmly, "Where is it??" Thank God for Ringo!!

Paul, who was not a wannabe, and actually the one who really DID know where it was (John only said that he knew, because he wanted to do everything first) yelled out "It's at Annie's house in L.A. so they hopped in one of annie's magical flying taxi's and were at annie's mansion (that Paul had bought her) in a matter of minutes. There was a huge party going on. as they approached the door, they recognized someone in the crowd and Paul yelled out "OH NO IT'S..... (continue- DO NOT CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!)

Jessica Robson. John, you'll never believe Jessica is here. She's your biggest fan and the rumour is you were having an affair with her." John approached Jessica Robson and said me et on the corner of fifth and Park in five minutes. Jessica met John there where he took her in his arms and vowed to leave Yoko for her

Anyway, they all woke up from their nightmares because the holy grail was in London. They went to London and when Ringo asked, John said, "In that house over there."

AND JOHN SAID THAT CUZ HE KNEW NOT PAUL!!! Sorry!!!! Ok, so they went to get the grail when they suddenly noticed that there was a 3-headed lion guarding the door. Paul acting like an idiot ran in and got eaten along with Annie. Too bad.

The 3 headed lion decided thay Paul's overcoat tasted nasty, so it regurgitated Paul back up. Paul came out, all covered in mucous, and holding the holy Grail! It was in the lion's digestive system the whole time! Abbie (remember her?), who loved Paul, came and wiped all the mucous off poor Paul. Paul and Abbie were in love, and John was JEALOUS!

(FYI- HELLO??? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THE BEATLES WOULD WANT ALL YOU GIRLS???!! WAKE UP!!) December 8, 1980- "Little Child" has timewarped from 1997 in order to save John Lennon...so she waits on the steps of John and Yoko's apartment. Later that night, Little Child knows it's going to happen right about now so she waits around the corner for John. As John walks by her she grabs his arm and tells him to follow her and...[help me out now...]
Hollywood Hogan shows up with the NWO and starts beating up Mark Chapman and kidnaps John Lennon and go into the future to 1997, so John and the Plastic Ono Band can Sing at NWO: Soulded Out. John loves the New World Order and decides that it was his fate to be reborn as a wrestler.

John Lennon discovers, that even though he is alive, a shadow of him remained in 1980 and was gunned down, so he could not just show up as himself with his own name, so he puts on a mask and calls himself Rey Mistero Jr. Meanwhile, the evil Hollywood and outsiders got upset that Lennon was getting so much attention and decided to ship him back to 1980, but John was too smart fot the outsiders.

Meanwhile, as John escapes certain DOUBLE FANASTY death, Eric Bishoff, the new HITLER of Pro Wrestling shows up and orders a bounty on John's head. He was unsucessful.............
Mr. Bischoff and Hulk Hogan then decide that all they need to do is to go back in time and kill Lennon before Dec. 8. All of a sudden the Macho Man jumps on Hogan and beats him up, but Scott Hall comes out and kicks the Macho Man with a slim jim and yells, 'SNAP OUT OF IT! "

There he was though standing in the rafters of a Paul McCartney concert, the crow immage of John Lennon and Sting. Both has died in a unique way and both decided that Paul was the key to save WCW from the dreaded NWO. Then John had an idea, "I know he hated my guts, but lets bring Elvis back to help us."

"Oh no John, NWO is forever.", yells Hulk Hogan with a gun. Three seconds later Paul McCartney started singing Yvyone "Yvyone the one, I been counting on Krista said hold on she my only one." Hogan looks down and falls to his ......NEXT WEEK ON NITRO.

Meanwhile, in Richmond Virginia --- Nicole Rene Mauder a former student of Douglas Freeman Highschool, sits in her room listing to a Celine Dion record. Little does she know that John Lennon has recived an order from GOD to kill Celine Dion and all of her supports in revenge of the death of Elvis Presley. Even though Elvis hated him, John respected Elvis as a icon of history. Nicole respected Celine as an Icon of history. Which meant, that the two were going to meet -- on good terms or on deadly terms.

Celine Dion heard of this, and, being from Canada (the greatest country in the World), she called some of her Canadian buddies to counteract John's plan. The Barenaked Ladies decided they'd get John, and put and end to him once and for all. But John was much too clever for them, and as they came after him on the street... Along came the MACHO MAN with a slim and tells them to, "Snap into it! Dig it!" And so they get occupided with the Nacho One, not to see John sneaking away and throwing a grenade at the group. The remains smelled of NACHO cheese dip.

Meanwhile, Nicole Mauder stood in her bedroom with a piece of bratwrost and kept calling it, "Oh John.". The Celine Dion fan had been placed under the evil spell of DEAR YOKO, and every time Nicole sees a pork rind, she will call it John and make love to it. The bad part of is, that Nicole got pregeant from this preticular Bratworst. When you ask how, well there was a hole in the floor and that is where she but the sauage, well John was around and decided that she was just wasting her pussy and added his own sauage to the frey. Nicole, fearing the worst flees the Sherandoaha Valley in Virgina, and hides out in a tent, but he is now incraved in to her forever. When Little John and Nicole were born in the Valley, the evil Sheriff of Rottingham ordered the cranberries to kill the children of the valley

This story is getting just plain sick!

Please people, can we have fun like in the earlier chapters? I'm a woman but just the same I'm getting pissed at all of these stupid women ruining the story. These are the beatles! We love them as cute boys that go on fun adventures. Remember Help!? COME ON now!

As the protestor of the story stoped talking, Little John and Robin Hood rode horses to sherewood forest. Meanwhile, Celine Dion held a meat cleaver to John's throat and was about to let it chop down when

John said the magic words "ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE" and Celine Dilon fell to the ground weeping. John got up and left her to go and join the other beatles in the Great land of India. When John got there George, Ringo, and Paul were waiting for him at the air port. After John got his bags they all went to the Greatest restauraunt in India "Muppets Delight" founded by deceased Muppet creator Jim Henson. They ordered their favorite food and they all sat and had a fun time. When all of a sudden some crazed Indians ran into the room yelling "KaieLee" and pointing at Ringo's big Blue Ring! Ringo was happy to give it to them but unfortunatley the ring was stuck on his finger. Since Ringo didn't give them the ring the leader pulled out a knife and was prepared to cut off Ringos Finger to get it. But the beatles weren't going to let them do that to Ringo. So all of a sudden John.....

got up and was about to piss in the soup, when Celine Dion comes in singing 'The Power of Love' and cuts off John's head, Ring's hand, and then goes after the chef for serving BAD food.

But HA!! Since Celine Dion was an IDIOT she didn't realize that it was a wax statue of John she cut the head off of so the police took hold of her and took her to prison FOREVER!!! So she's OUTTA the story!!!!

But then out of nowhere a vimpire apeared, on a self provided loo, and cried in angush, "I'm constopated! bla, bla, bla," "don't worry, you are at one with the univerae, nothing really matters..........." said John " universe" he repeted in a vauge tone, " I like that word, I think I'll write a song with it, ALL RIGHT UNIVERSE?!" he said lifting his head to the skys "someome else can have 'nothing really matters'," he said disapearing into hte moonset.

Celion Dion Is now in a nut house! She is still taking that nutty head with her evrywhere she goes. Celion Dion Is going to turn herself Black So she can be the oppisite to Micheal Jakson. She has 1 other thing she must do before being the complete opposite,that is a sex change! She goes for than Tuesday! She will be looking funnyin her next cover shot! End of story!

So then the four Beatles crammed into a tiny little pinto. They drove around for a while until they came to a house. They got out of the car. They walked up to the house. They opened the door. They entered the living room. They climbed up the stairs. They walked down the hall. They opened a door. And what should they see but....

Liam Gallagher and his mystery woman standing buttnaked in front of a camera!!!!! (And NO! it wasn't Patsy! it's someone on the chat! who loves Liam! who isn't a WHORE like her ;)~) Anyways. "What the bloody hell are you doing?!!?" John exclaimed. "I'm taking after you John!" Liam said snapping another pixture in which the fab four were in. "But! John doesn't do that for another 5 years or so!" George said looking at his Cabage Patch Kids organzier. "oh Well" Liam said taking another pixture this time while Paul was stripping down. "Stop that!" John yelled beating paul in the head with his Kmart Kicker. Liam and his lady friend put their clothes on. "Where you going?" Ringo asked. "I have to go to New Amsterdamn now! I have a bed in and a beard to grow" Liam said as he and the lady disappeared out the door and onto a life of happiness and many young ones. And then George decided that he wanted to.....

own a pig farm. So he bought many piggies and put them on a farm. and then in late 1968,paul rang up john at his flat.yoko answered the phone."hello is john there?",just a minute yoko replied,and then yelled johns name in a bloodcurdling shreik that would make the devil whimper.Finally John came on the line."yes,who is it please?",to which came the reply,"hi john it's paul here,I'm writing a new song to help us get back to our roots,but I can't seem to come up with a title.To this John replied"OH FUCK PAUL, WERE DONE WITH,LET IT BE."..."Oh well thank you very much love", paul replied,and such was the genesis of the song "let it be"

It's easy to say that John Lennon is a genius. Although I was only 2 years old when he was assassinated in December 1980, I have heard his music from the Beatles and from his solo work throughout the years to make this statement. His lyrics reflect the inner human spirit and he has said what many of us have longed to say. He was the poet and the dreamer as well as being the radical. Like the song "In My Life" for example. He is saying that he has been everywhere and that he has met a lot of people along the way and that there was one person that he will always care about no matter where he is or who he knows. But aren't we all like that? In "Imagine", Lennon gets us thinking about a world where people could live in peace and harmony without having to worry about the bad things in life. John has said those kinds of things in his songs that the rest of have thought of, but we never really voiced it. John Lennon has also put colorful imagery and things that make little or no sense, BUT THEY WORK. In one of my favorite songs "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, he is able to take a drawing by his son Julian and make it feel as though a person is actually imagining the song when they close their eyes (I've done it myself and it really does work). In "I Am the Walrus", the lyrics make no sense, yet it's really cool and it makes you laugh because it's so funny and ridiculous and it makes you smile too bcause of that reason. This is why I think John Lennon is a songwriting genius.

NOW ON WITH THE STORY!

Paul began writing his song and George took care of his pigs. Ringo was off at a press conference and John was hiding in his Germany house again. Then, like magic, all four were beamed to a magical mystical place called Honnalee and there was a dragon called Puff there. They all hopped onto his back and rode to...

Many Moons ago, in a far off place, lived a handsome prince with a gloomy face. For he did not have a bride. The Beatles, John, Paul, George, and Ringo once payed a visit to a little kingdom, off the coast. They were stoping at a kingdom for a few weeks, Ringo had gotten sick on the clam chowder. As the group entered the castle, they noticed that a mysterious man was questioning a beautiful woman.

The Wizard, Cardamon the Great, stood with a scroll. He was intervewing a Princess. If the Princess can pass the test, she will prove she is a true Princess and she will marry the Prince, Prince Dauntless. The cetch is that many of the royal crowd is hoping this is the princess. The Queen has ruled that unless the Dauntless one is married, they can never be married themselves, or be allowed to have....children (or the fun before the Children.) John and Paul walk over to the crowds to listen to the test.

Cardamon: Are you ready for the Next question?

Princess: I guess so?

Wizard: Name the three kings?

Princess: The three Kings are .....

Ringo: Is this a trial?

Lady: No, it is a test to find out if she is a princess, young peasant.

Paul: We're not pesants. Are we John?

John: (Slaps Paul) My lady, why must the princess prove that she is a true princess.

Princess: King John.

Paul: You're not a king John, you're a dreamer. (John smacks Paul again.)

John: Is it really important that the woman is a princess.

Then the Princess named the other 2 kings. "Ringo and George." she finished. "Exactly right!!" exclaimed the queen. Then Paul ran out crying since he wasn't a king. Poor Paul. Meanwhile, back in the castle.

She Looks Just Like George: Nicole2! Honey I knew I'd find You again! And so the two were Re RE married forever and ever!

Then suddenly they were all back in the dreded "CABBAGE PATCH LAND!!" (faint crys of "oh shit!," "oh no!", and "BLOODY HELL!!") Then sudddenly a "snack time" cabbage patch doll came and munched off the majority of John's hair. (It had deciced it was time for John's '71 hair do, even though it was only '65)....................(munch, munch)..................(he,he)...............(ho says George)..........(slap, slap, says a nearby lady, who was rather offened by this outburst)....................(the others cracked up at this)..................

bbebbbebbbebbbebbbe

Once upon a time there was a great singer named John and a evil witch named Yoko. John had a real successful band and he was making money and doing just great. Then, along came the evil witch Yoko, she put a spell on John and made him think differently. The next thing she did was break up his wonderful band. After that, John and Yoko fell in love and did some weird things and drew some attention to theirselves. They were going to live happily ever after but this guy came that was even more evil than Yoko. He shot John for no reason. He said there were voices in his head. THE END. ROT IN HELL MARK CHAPMAN!

Many years later when the bastard, son-of-a-bitch Mark Chapman was nearing the end of his time in prison, he commented that he planned to shoot the rest of John Lennons amazing band, so the gaurds took him round the back of the prison and beat the shit out of him, (I like prison gaurds now).

Many years later when the bastard, son-of-a-bitch Mark Chapman was nearing the end of his time in prison, he commented that he planned to shoot the rest of John Lennons amazing band, so the gaurds took him round the back of the prison and beat the shit out of him, (I like prison gaurds now).

Right. Now on with the story. So John, Ringo, and George lived happily ever after as kings while Paul went crazy and married the Eastern bird, er, lady.

And then....AND THEN, EH.....Then a giant blue cow fell out of the sky and landed on Paul!!!! "Speak to me Paulie!" John cried. "Help me John, there's a cow sitting on me back...." What will become of poor Paul????

Then the man on the flaming pie was called Joyce, a paperback writer who once said: They were the big four, the four maaster waves of Erin, all listening,four. There was old Matt Gregory and then besides old Matt there was old Marcus Lyons, the four waves, and oftentimes they used to be saying grace together, right enough, bausnabeatha, in Miracle Squeer: here now we are the four of us: old Matt Gregory and old Marcus and old Luke Tarpey: the four of us and sure, thank God, there are no more of us: and sure now, you wouldn't go and forget and leave out the other fellow and old Johnny MacDougall: the four of us and no more of us. Finnegans Wake p384 The four waves were fab and anthologized before going to dream.

And then a big blue meanie came out of the ground and pulled out a gun. The blue meanie shot Beatlechild! Beatlechild dropped dead, collapsed onto the grass. Her blood flowed from her lifeless body.

WHAT?!?!? I get SHOT?!?! No, no, NO! Okay, who did that!??? I'm sorry guys, but I'd like to know who wants me dead! That's not fair!

(Jaina comes back and gapes at the twicting, bleeding remains of what was a great story and shakes her head and sighs. With her day kit of overused pick-up lines and chliches, she trys to repair the fallen star.) The Paramedics run in and grab Beatlechild (I can't let her die, she's my friend's sis.) and take her to the hospital. The head paramedic bills the Beatles and sends the bill in the mail. John takes the letter out of the box and gives it to George, who reads it and faints. Paul picks up the letter, reads it, and faints. The Ringo does the same. John picks up the letter and it says: Medical bill 1 Honey pie. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where will they find a Honey Pie? Suddenly, Sarbargo (that flying dog from a few chapters back.) Flies in and takes Paul, George and Ringo. John starts to.....

I thought that the story was very creative , some very funny. Some of it had no meaning at all . m ost of it was about the other Beatles , I guess. I think they should have talked more about John and less about Yoko!(jk) (jk means just kidding.)

Thank GOD they brought Beatlechild back to life! All breathed a deep sigh of relief. John, George, Paul, Ringo, and Beatlechild were off. They set off to find out......WHO TRIED TO KILL ME???? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU, HUH??? WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME???? Er...........I mean, eh, they were off to find Beatlechild's assassin.:-)

but just then a giant lion appeared and lunged for Paul...

but John was in a fighting mood and, besides, he couldn't let it kill his best friend, now could he? so he picked up Beatlechild and banged the lion over the head with her. The lion died, and Beatlechild was not hurt (OKAY BEATLECHILD??) but then they heard some muttering from inside the dead lion...

"Hey," a very sad Paul said (paul had been absoloutely miserable since Annie had been eaten by a lion earlier on in the story) "It sounds like some one's saying HELP!" he said to John. Everyone listened for a minute...

and sure enough, the heard a very muffled voice shouting "Won't you please please help me?" so John (being the smart one) pulled a huge machetti out of his pants (which he carried at all times, for emergencies like this) and slit open the lions stomach and sure enough, Annie was lying there covered with crap..

"OH MY LOVE!!" Paul yelled as he ran over and kissed Annie. (John would later use those words as a song, realizing how great Paul was at one-liners) John ran over with towels and helped clean Annie off. Paul was so happy to have her back that he peed his pants, so John got more towels. "did you hear me yelling HELP?" Annie asked John. "Yeah, we heard you yelling 'WON'T YOU PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME" and then a great idea dawned upon John, and he decided to use Annies rantings, and make them into a beautiful song. when the song was done, Paul (who had dry pants on) decided they should make a movie as well, so off to the Bahamas they went..... (over to you...)

And Paul was so glad to see her, that they made love right then and there in the loin's stomach, and the rest of the beatles joined in with their wives to make it an orgy. (te he)

And then Liam and his wife (YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!) walked through the forest arm and arm smiling because it was such a glorious day. It was then that a large fat man dressed as a bumble bee on a bycicle road up and handed a card to John. "What's this??" John asked. "Let me see!" yelled Paul as he pulled the cared away. "Were needed in PepperLand!!!!" Ringo yelled reading over Paul's shoulder. "To the batmobile!!!!" George screamed running over to a tree to put on his batsuit.

George and Ringo hopped into the Batmobile, cruising thru the streets of Pepperland. Although their main intention had been to pick up chicks, they settles for fighting crime instead. So while George and Ringo were out fighting crime, John and Paul were.....

traveling in a private jet at night with Annie and Meg on their way to...

Disney Land! They just happened to run into Beatlechild. "Hallo Meg, John, Paul!" she said. "Hallo Beatlechild!" They replied. They all had a lovely time in Disneyland, but it was time for them to go home now. But before they could go home.....

they realized that Annie was missing! "Oh no!" Paul screamed. "WE HAVE TO FIND HER!!!!" so they all split up and looked all over. then, suddenly...

A blue meanie appeared out of nowhere! The blue meanie pulled out a knife and stabbed Beatlechild in the back. Beatlechild choked, then collapsed. She died right there, back bleeding. The blue meanie ran away, leaving Beatlechild dead.....

HUH?!? Okay, who's the sicko??? Anyway.....okay, so they called a cab.

HEY!!!! STOP TRYING TO KILL ME OFF!!!! I'm sorry about ruining this, but who keeps trying to kill me??? It's just not fair!!! Sam, do something!

QUIT MESSING AROUND WITH BEATLECHILD, SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, AND SHE IS DEAR TO MY HEART........I WOULDNT WISH ANYONE WAS DEAD.... LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE, OR RED ROSE SPEEDWAY WILL COME.....Leave her alone people.....God.....

Well, Noel Gallagher finds out about all this and become totally confused..."Where is Liam", "Who killed BeatleChild", and "Why the heck is this chapter so dang long?" He then decided that he would become the ultimate superhero...forgeting all about the best band ever, Oasis...He jumps in to a phone booth, twirls around and jumps out...in a evening gown (and a lovely one if I do say so myself)..."WRONG OUTFIT!"...twirls some more and becomes...SUPER NOEL...protector of all that is Rock N' Roll!!!He fly throught the air...its a bird, its a plane, NO!!!Its an English gut in a spandex suit!!!He land gentely on the ground and revives BeatleChild!And faster then a speeding Bumble-bee fly off into the distance to find more evil to conquer!!!

But is Beatlechild safe??? No one knows for sure. But right now right behind her is a blue meanie with a gun.....

But Noel's main intrest was Erin, who was in love with him, and Super Noel became the first superheros to be married......And of course, he was still out to protect the world of Rock 'n' Roll, which he loved most dearly....

THEN BEATLECHILD ROLLED UP HER SLEEVES AND KNOCKED THE BJEEBERS OUT OF EVERY SINGLE BLUE MEANIE, THEREFORE NO ONE COULD EVER MURDER HER, SHOOT HER, STAB HER, OR SEND HER NASTY E-MAIL AGAIN!!!!!!

But then a blue meanie fell out of the sky and pulled out a rope. "You're prejudiced, and you're a liar!" The blue meanie cried at Bealtechild. "What?" Beatlechild said. The Blue Meanie pulled the rope around Beatlechild's neck and choked her. Her face turned bright red, and she collapsed, dead on the ground.

And then this mysteryious stupid Blue Meanie died, because he had forgotten to take the rope off around his neck, and hung himself, letting Beatlechild (MY DAUGHTER) run free, back to the arms of her loving family

*~*~*MEANWHILE*~*~* Back to Paul McCarteny who has left both his wives and now living alone. Poor Paul sits at the piano trying to squeeze out another wonderful tune. After racking his brain and coming up empty, he calls on---MISS BLUE JAY WAY :-) ! "I'll save you Paul" she says and they begin to write a tune....

This tune can be heard across the universe. People begin to travel up the long and winding road so that they might get a glimpse of the two of them singing. Maybe you're amazed at how much people can imagine when they see a sight like that.

People can imagine they see monsters, floating pineapples, or even---John Lennon! Could it be true, has John come back? All thanks to the musical talents of Paul McCartney and Miss Blue Jay Way!

Then Meggi, who was so depressed after all the people who were dissing her on the web board, walked in and keeled over from the stress. But nobody really cared.

Because of Paul and Miss Blue Jay Way's wonderful talents of song writing, and John Coming back, the world was a better place. Looking around, John liked what he saw! "The world is good, it could be more peaceful but good!" Then he saw Paul... They embraced and quiclkly made up for 17 years of lost time. "It's good to have you back John" Paul exclaimed! At this exact minute, Miss Blue Jay Way faints from meeting her two music heros.

John dropped his currant woman and decided to go look for a meaning in life. He flew over to America to start searching. As he got off the airplane (B.0.A.C) He found what he was looking for. "Hey sexy!" He exclaimed as a beautiful woman named Ashley turned around smiling at him. "Hey handsome!" She replied. John had a good feeling about her so he asked on the spot,"Will you marry me?" And of course she said yes. So they got married the next day and right after the wedding Paul, who had planted a tracking device on John shouted,"Hurry we've got a record to do! We're gonna be dead meat if we don't leave right now!" So Ashley, who had connections, gathered up some flying dolphins which were faster than the speed of light and they were off to London before you can say"Beatlmania".

As John and Paul took a glance out of the plane door as they were about to leave, John remembered that Ashley was feeling sick and that she should return home. John looked at her and yelled back to her, "Ashley, don't worry! It's getting better all the time!" With that, he and Paul took a long look at all of the beautiful people that came to greet them at the airport. "Paul," John said, "I never did want her. At Mary Jane's last dance, she was shoved into my arms and I was forced to marry her." "John," replied Paul, "just let it be." "What an idea. I think I'll write a book about it." "You do that." And thus, he was in his own write.

~~~MEANWHILE BAX TO BEATLECHILD AND SUPER NOEl~~~"Hey...did i mention that I'm going out with yer bro" said a stragne woman as she poped out from behind a bush. Noel pulled a banana out of his pocket "Stand bax, don't make me use this" Noel said his hand termbiling. "Calm down" said Erin shoving Noel's banana bax in his pocket. Just then Liam poped out the same bush that his wife had came out of "Man!! I'm da shit!" he said walking up next to his wife. "That's all very nice" BeatleChild said "But i want to know who is trying to kill me!!!!!" she screamed. AND NOW WE INTRUPT THIS REGULARLY SHEDULED PROGRAM FOR A BEANY THE INDIAN CLOWN UPDATE!! "Hello! and welcome! if any of you know who is trying to kill poor, sweet, innocent BeatleChild please tell us at the web board and we will be more than happy to give you a cookie for yer good deed".....
And then The beatles come back in to the picture for were ever they went. Hi Liam and Noel Now if you don't mind leave! Noel and Liam stagger off with their friend Supersonic. Now They are gone Finally! Later on after they ran in to walls they met up with Kiri and Super, Super had Liam arould her arm. Hello Ladies and Liam said John Would you like to go and get a drink were are very thristy from running in walls. So of they went and Kiri Said.......

That Noel staggered off with Erin, because she was Noel's beloved wife, and a dear sweetheart at that....When The New Kids On The Block came to attack The Beatles..

"Bye!!" I'm leaving the story and letting the Beatles keep it, since it IS supposed to be a John story. (hint hint)

Oh well. I always come in a paragraph too late, don't I?? :0)

And so Liam and Super and John and Kiri went into the bar to get drunk. Why the rest of the Beatles were attacked by The New Kids On The Block. "You got the right stuff baby!" sang one of the fags as George decided to talk off his shoe which was really a sneaker phone. "We need help!" screamed Ringo plugging his ears to block out NKOTB. "Hello, Yoko?" George said in a pleading voice...

"I'm never ever ever ever ever gonna let you go!!" John couldn't help but scream into the phone.

Just then along came Sgt Pepper and his Lonely Hearts Club Band and they saw that their help was needed. So they started to play a song which (please continue)

All of a sudden, Sgt. Pepper died. John, Scotty, Sulu and Kirk were standing on the bridge. Celine Dion had a gun and she blew John's head off, but it was John McEnroe and not John Lennon, which is good. Hated his tennis playing anyway.

John Lennon decided to record a DEMO cassette so he placed a tape recorder on the piano. "Do you want to hold a penis, do wa do. DO you want to hold my finger. Hoo doo wa. Do you want to put my sauage in your grinder. Yeah............."

In a small town of Grover Corners in 1913, a grave marked the grave of Simon Stimpson -- a drunk choir director and the man who wrote Immagine 40 years eariler.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

So EleanorRigby boldly dashed onto the scene, where she made use of herself clening up the mangled bodies, which she mistakenly thought was rice. this was probably due to the fact that her face was in a jar by the door. Unfortunately, she also started to dump the Beatles out into space, but they were saved by...

They were saved by The Walrus who kindly introduced them to the eggmen. The eggmen led them to an undersea octupuse's garden. The octopuse did not like them, so he kicked all of them out except for Ringo, because he happened to have a liking for drummers. Ringo soon met up with the Beatles in a yellow submarine that they had stolen. It turned out that the yellow submarine was really a time machine and John was instantly transported to Shea Stadium in San Fransisco.

imagine

John Fingers throbbed with pain and his throat was extremely hoarse as he was singing the song, "She's a Woman." John soon got so fed up that he punched all the other Beatles in the noses and ran away with their musical instruments. Paul was determined to get John back for this, so he sued him. Paul lost the case though, because of John's star witnesses, Mr. Mustard and Polythene Pam.

but what they DIDN'T know, was that Mr. Mustard and Polethyne Pam were really the (EVIL) Alan Klein. but since no one knew that, poor paul did lose the trial. and on top of that the beatles broke up, and on john's new album "Halucinate", he wrote a mean song dedicated to Paul called "How Do You Pee" (he was supposedly paying paul back for some mean things he's said on his album, "Rat" in the song "Too many Yokos" but then paul got John back with a song called "Let Me Throw It (at you)" which can be found on his album "Paul McCartney and the flying dogs: Fags On The Run"....

But then John got Paul back once and for all by singing a song called "Jealous Paul" and Paul decided to give up since he could never win against John.

the beatles were back again, but what should they do? One night they were all sitting around in the studio. Paul was writing a nice letter to the Queen thanking her for his MBE, John was dreaming about a world with peace, Ringo was looking sad like he always does and George was eating a fruit by the foot and picking his nose when he thought no one was looking. Just then Paul let out a scream that startled George so much, that his finger got caught up his nose. "OUUUUUCH!!!" he screamed. Meanwhile Paul was about to explode over in the corner. "I have the best idea!" he said "We can.... (over to you)

do another Beatles tour!!!!" "Oh no" groaned the others. "But this will be better than any before!" Paul exclaimed. "We can travel throughout the world in a Yellow Submarine!" By this time they had already been booked in the Sea of Green, th Sky of Blue and many other places(word traveled fast). Ringo burst into spontaneous song, and a new song was invented. Meanwhile they decided to do the tour. As they climbed into the yellow submarine...
John lennon was a very nice little fellow!!

Then my cousins suddenly were switched with the Gallagher brothers and now the band was headed by Clayton and Clinton Foor instead of Noel and Liam. And Clinton became a soccar player and frequented the pubs with his stories of past glories, and Clayton and his wife Beth decide to name their baby Lucy Oasis Foor but Bonehead and his wife Avalaine said "hey that's the name of our baby so we're leaving the band." And so they did and Guigsy ran off with secretary, Beatles historian and famous daughter Mary McCartney, and Alan got Stella McCartney and they moved to Carnaby Street much to the chagrin of her father Paul McCartney. Then to beat out both of his brothers, Paul Gallagher married Heather Eastman (Macca's step-daughter) and claimed now he could record with his new father-in-law and become much more popular than his brothers (As if). And Heather made this really bizarre sculpture out of clay that was supposed to represent peace.

Then a giant Apple came out of the sky and when it landed it cracked open and a somewhat shaggy man with long hair, a beard poor eyesite, an old flannel shirt, barefoot, with a gunny sack full of seeds swung over his shoulder and a tin pot on his head stepped out of the apple. The Beatles didn't know what to think at first. Then Paul said, "You look familiar, John is that you?" Then George said, "Yeah what are ya doing with a pot on your head?" Then the mysterious, ragged man said"Yeah my name is John and I been called many things before. My purpose is to plant apple trees for peace and love so most folks call me Johnny Appleseed, but if you want to know my real Christian name well it be John Chapman." "John CHAPMAN?! AAACK You don't happen to be related to, a well a...Mark Chapman are you?" the Beatles cautiously asked. "Aw shucks no, of course not. I'm just a simple Appleseed planter, friend to man and beast, American folk hero, etc., etc." he went on. "Well that's good. Hey you look like the first hippie environmentalist and since our John is gone maybe you can take his place, do you sing any?" the Beatles asked. "Well I know "Onward Christian Soldiers" and "Amazing Grace" will that do? Hey your accents sound familiar you guys don't happen to be Red Coat spies or anything are you? Well I suppose if you're Tory then yall better get on up to Canada there where you'll be protected from the patriot yanks..." old Johnny Appleseed said. "George this old man's gone daft on us let's let him be and get out of here" Paul said. "Aw I don't know Paul, maybe we can have a laugh with him yet. Mebbe we can invite Yoko over and she'll think that Johnny Appleseed fellow is our John and then she'll take him off of our hands for a while." George said. So they invited Yoko over but didn't know this John's real last name was Chapman, so she accepted him into her family but Johnny Appleseed was a little aprehensive until Yoko taught him how to plant Japanese bonsai trees, so instead he became Johnny Bonsai and Yoko made him wear kimonos and dress like her John.

Well at this point, the confusion came into the divan and everybody looked right at home except for Elizabethe. John and Yoko sat down beside Elizabethe and comforted her with a gift of the moon. Smiling, she gave them each a big hug and a raspberry tart. From that day on, they treated her as if she were one of their own and loved her very dearly. "Mummy and Da", she called them, as they went to the zoo, (sometimes while bringing along confusion). They all were very in love with one another, and confusion was left out in the doghouse.

AHHHHHHH!!!!! SO!!!!!! YOU WANT TO BE A FLYING MONKEY!!!! *sorry* couldn't resist!!! anyways!! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BEATLECHILD, KIRI, RRS, SUPER, AND THE REST OF THEM EH????

We want the Peatles, we want the Peatles, we want em!!

Then those crazy boys from Liverpool decided that it was time to get out of those silly leather suits and start making some money! So they went to Germany and played all night long in sleazy clubs and made fifty trillion dollars. John then got a brilliant idea. "Let's go to India!!!" Yaaay! And everyone was happy, especially Ringo, who packed a whole suitcase of Heinz beans (there's a plug for you) especially for the trip. So all the boys went to the wonderful land of India and wrote fabulous songs and John even got to go up in a Helicopter with Maharishi! Paul was very jealous, but not much, because he knows how it feels to be one of the beautiful people. Shortly after John landed back on earth, Ringo ran out of beans and had to go back to Pepperland, where stayed in a big old house with Paul's Grandfather, Lovely Rita, Poythene Pam, and Dear Prudence. They were very very happy together, until one day they were on a bike ride and accidentaly rode to the Phillipines! And Oh, what a miserable place the Phillipines were. It was almost like a mistake from the very beginning. Paul's Grandfather and the others knew to get out while they could, so they left poor Ringo with John, Paul, and George. The next day was (thankfully) the boy's day off, but unfortunately on that same day, they received a dinner invitation from an ugly woman with too many shoes...
but they wanted a day off so they said"NO!!!!" Then all the people of the phillipines were very angry at the wonderful Beatles(how dare they?) and they tried to attack them. they could not get to the airport. Just then , the beautiful and charming EleanorRigby arrived on the scene. She drove them to the airport. When the people tried to beat up the Beatles, EleanorRigby saveed them, reminding them that "All you need is love"(although it hadn't been written yet) So they all sang the song, and the cruel people of the Philipines went away, and the Beatles were happy again. EleanorRigby warned John not to mention anything about Jesus on his next tour, but John didn't care. So when they arrived in America, the people of the south were burning records..

it was alright though, because they were mostly only burning records that Linda McCartney sang on, because the state declared them a violation of peace. Paul got very mad about that and took Linda and his kids on a trip around the world because he had 50 gazillion dollars that he didn't want to share with anyone else. George went back to India to try to get a job with Indian airlines. Then Ringo opened up a hair dressing salon. It looked like the Beatles were falling apart, but John suggested they do something special to get everyone back together. "How about a concert on the roof?" he asked.

But then the lovely Rita came in and said no no first you must make the let it be album and be more popular than ever.SO they were recording let it beand john realized in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make and Mimi(Johns aunt that raised him ) said there nothing to say but what a day hows your boy been. THen yoko came in and john loved her and i love her because she made john happy and the press wouldnt stop badmouthing her so John started sitting in a bag with Yoko and promoted bagism that should teach the bloody a**holes but it didnt because they were so ignorant they couldnt stand the tuth that Yoko was really a great person( by:Richard Starkey or actually me but he's my idle so hes also my net name.)

ROCK AND ROLL RULES

Blood on the windshield......... "Heya Bobby!!! Turn off that fucking racket!" screamed John at Bob Dylan. Bob was in a trance mumbling nonsesical things into air. Blood on the doorstep......... Eat the Document Eat the document Eat it

Okay, a new adventure cause this one sucks. Once upon a time, there lived four lads from Liverpool. One day, they were in their castle named Abbey Road Studios. they were trying to think of some ideas for songs. All of a sudden, an arrow with a note tied to it whizzed past John and stuck in the wall. Several minutes later, John looked up from his newspaper and stated "There's an arrow in the wall." "He's right, you know." said George. A few minutes after that, Ringo said, "There's a note on the arrow in the wall." "He's right, too, you know," said George. Then Paul said, "Why don't we read the note?" The other Beatles agreed. The note said, " Oh John, Paul, George, and Ringo, we have the greatest quest ever for you to complete. You all must...

...go to the land of upside-down mountains. There you will find waterless fountains. Do not be alarmed at the dogs with hands, pay no attention to the no-man-bands. Don't listen to the 8 track tapes, don't get captured by the hairless apes. Clear your vision of the blurry sights and stay awake during the sunny nights. This is a place where you have never been, it is a place with rivers of gin. There you must stay for no more than a day.

ringo looked confused. george meditated. john went back to read his newspaper. "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NOTE?!!??" paul yelled. nobody cared. paul was mad that everyone was ignoring him, but then he saw a beautiful lost-looking blonde bimbo walk through the door. "hmmmm" the dirty womanizing (supposedly cute and innocent) Paul thought to himself as he approached the girl and tried out his latest sleazy pick-up line... (CONTINUE!!!)

"Heya baby, how bout you and me gettin together??" he asked in his best Elvis imitation (which wasn't very good). "Get lost shorty!!" the woman exclaimed as she brushed passed him. As Paul went into his room to sulk the other three decided to go to the land of the Upside-down Mountain. So they did and had a wonderful time. 2 wizards up in the clouds were watching them and started dancing around and singing "They're having a lovely time!!"

"yeah they're having a lovely time" but the wizards weren't talking about John, Ringo and George, they were talking about Paul and the blonde (who finally realized just WHO he was) and they were in the middle of... (CONTINUE!!!)

the blonde trying to seduce Paul, so she could steal his fortune and all the copyrights to the Lennon/McCartney songs John walked in and relized that the blonde was no chic- she was Michael Jackson. Paul, revolted by the thought of Micheal trying to seduce him went down to the bar for a drink. The bartender realized how sad he was so he called Ringo and told him there was "nothing to do to save his life, call his wife in". Problem was, Ringo couldn't remember who Pauls wife was. Meanwhile George had joined Paul at the bar. About that time some brunette chic walks by winks at George and says "I am not what i seem". So George says, "i didn't encourage that wink. (if that girl, girl (sharp breath intake) had read the book "The Rules" - which John has in his pit by the way- she wouldn't have done that!!!) It used to be you, Paul, didn't it?" Hence in aggriviation Paul starts to-

strum the bass, while the Evil Queen and the Mute King come walking down the sidewalk. Prince Dauntless goes over to Paul and asks him, why did he (Paul) want to become an minsterl? Paul repiled that he always wanted to be a post man, but John talked him out of it. King Sextimus and Queen Agrivian then take Dauntless away, while Princess # 12 walked away with the dead rubber chicken. The crying Princess had lost the rigged test. Ringo, however chased the Princess, but only got a few steel magonlias instead. Ringo decided to go the parish and talk to Shelby Eaton, but she was dead. So Ringo asked John to go talk to Shelby Eaton, since John was dead. So, John left to the Louisania Parish and Ringo went on to Truvey's hair salon to get a new hair style. While George decided to come up with a NEW SONG. George had no sucess. Meanwhile, Paul decided to talk to the Jester of the 'Once Upon a Matress' kingdom, while John and Ring decided to remain in Steel Magonlias, while George kept on thinking of a song to write and to sing. Now we have a fork of continuing with Paul's tale of Once Upon a Matress, going into the dirt with John and Ring or stay here and wait for George to write another song. Or maybe someone will come in and destroy my thunder and start taking about jumping frogs. No, I think I will write one more paragraph.

Paul decided to stay and write songs in the Kingdom, while John went to talk to Shelby Eaton and Simon Stimpson, a local New Hampshire Choir Director, and yes he was dead too. The three dead people decided to rest in peace and let Ring continue the rest of the story. So Ringo stood up and began to tell his tale of woe: 'There once was a puppy--

named Martha, she was a sheep dog.
She spent her days in conversation with Rocky Raccoon and Bungalow Bill.

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Last updated on May 14, 1998