Bagism: Library

In Our Own Write - Chapter 1


In Our Own Write is an interactive story YOU create. But don't worry, you won't have to write the whole thing yourself. You can can contribute as much or as little as you'd like. The idea is to build on whatever was written before, a little at a time. The specifics of the story is completely up to you, but the main theme should have something to do with John Lennon.

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In the beginning, there was light. Then John Lennon was born and the light became blinding.
In fact , the bulb in the room was shining so bright in the beginning , that it burnt out , and the room went dark. John said , "Yo! Ringo! , get another bloody bulb for the room I am tryin' to write a tune here MAN " , Ringo said "O.K." George continued, " Hey Ring! while you are down the supermarket pop into the Indian and pick me up a Tandoori and a can of Coke , I've got the Munchies" "You want anything Macca" says Ringo , Macca replies "No thanks" So Ringo sets off down to the corner store on Abbey Road. Along the way,The famous "Man On a Flaming Pie" appeared.He saidth.."Thou shall be famous Beatles!!!"Ringo burped in disbelief.."Beatles sir?"."Yes" said the man,(and you should listen to the man said)"Beatles with and A.NOW GO, and spread your Beatleness apon the world".
john walked out into the street. he stood quietly and paused for a moment. a thought occured. "there's no where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be" Ringo then gladly smiled and rolled over to tie his shoe. "Oh me gots gum on me bloody boot eh? I gots meself uh rubber soul!". When all of sudden -SPLAT!- the pie in the sky knocked him right in the head. "Uh lemon, my favorite! What a good bit o luck my tummy has struck!" Ringo then climbed to the rooftop and began to sing very very very loudly "WHAT WOULD YOU THINK IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE, WOULD YOU START THROWING TOMATOES AT ME!?!"

"Hey Ring, could ya keep it down, eh? I'm working on a song here!" said Paul, the cute one. "Besides," added John, the leader, "Yer not ready to sing that song...me and Paul haven't written it yet." So poor lad that Ringo was, he climbed down (actually,he fell)off the rooftop and began to think of funny things to say and do to impress the press. Meanwhile, Paul got a wonderful idea for a rather suitable ending he thought, for the Beatles (when the time came, that is.) That idea, my friends, was for a rooftop concert. Though it seemed a bit daft at the time, Paul was sure it'd knock ya out, boy. Well, we haven't heard much from George, the quiet one, have we? "Perhaps its best if we keep it that way," interjects Paul. Snicker, snicker. "Aw, come off it Paul. George is very sensitive you know," says Ringo, the sad one. "It's only a joke, Ring. Would you rather I pick on you?" Enters Brian Epstein, known as Eppy by his friends, "Boys, don't argue. We haven't time for that. We have to conquer America. Yes! Today Europe, tomorrow the world." "He sounds like Hitler, doesn't he? A Jewish Nazi, that's a new one, eh?" said John, who was also the sarcastic one. "Ah well, this song can wait. Come on lads, there's a plane waiting." (That was Paul.) So, the three Beatles and their manager get on a plane B.O.A.C. of course. Where was George, you ask? He and his lovely wife, Patti, were at the only orthodontists in England, getting a two for one deal on some braces. This made George very happy, because, after all, he was the one who worried most about money and, his Arch-enemy, Paul, I mean, the Taxman. He would then fly off, or perhaps astral project himself to NYC in America to catch the Beatles first performance on the 'Mr.Ed Show.' We all hope he makes it, since he is the lead guitarist of the Beatles.

After there performence they went to eat, they went to a place called 'Big Joe's Pizza Place.' Ringo got himself a Extra cheese pizza, George got half cheese half Extra cheese, John and Paul split a cheese pizza. After they ate Ringo said "OH NO!!!!! WE FORGOT ABOUT OUR CAR!!!" They John said calmly "Ringo the parking meter?" Ringo screamed "YESSSSSSSSS!" They ran outside only to find the car was being towed. They George said "Now what do we do? We spent all our money!" Then Paul looked down he noticed his shoe was untied he looked over Then he saw a girl nicknamed SunSHINE she said "YOU'RE........................ .AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH............THE BEATLES!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD YOUR THE BEATLES!!" Then John screamed "RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It soon became apearent to them Beatles that this touring was getting out of foot.Someone must be done!So,them Beatles decided that from this day backward,That they should tourist no more.It was the days of multicolored clothes,and multicolored songs.And on top of all this color,stood them Beatles.One day,a man of doctorhood gaveth George,and John a little drop of medicine,and all the colors were suddenly brighter than before.John then say "This medicine is VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY GOOD!!!,I think we should tell the others George,as soon as you turn back into whatever you were before you turned into that big green dragon".

... "and they ran from Sunshine (the biggest Beatles fan ever) for a long while until they ended up back in England" , said the narrator. (Back in England)"America is great" , said George (speaking for the fifth time). "It was great but we didn't meet Elvis yet" , said the (original) Paul MCcartney. "Elvis..........." , john sighed remembering the good old days in Liverpool with the skiffle players and then Elvis and the rest of em'. "Yes we must meet ELVIS! " , Paul shouts . "We're The Beatles - we can do anything" , Ringo reminds them."...and so they meet Elvis" The narrator exclaims. "gee that was a disapontment" said john to the camara. and if you listen to Drive My Car (the song) you can hear john say (in the backround) "That Elvis is nothin' great he just sat there at our scheduled date" in his favorite authors style.

and if you listen to the line "drive my car" you can hear paul say" rac ym evird ".

For Paul, he was into that sort of nonsense, speaking in Backwards tongue. John just had to laugh. (For If one were to listen to a record playing backwards, most likely they had a defective record.)All tried to wean Paul off of his backwards tendencies, but to no avail. In fact, he began to do all things in the reverse order one normally thought they were done in. "Goodbye" said Paul, entering the room. "Yes, see you." said John, not interested in silly reindeer games. "How've you been?" said Paul, poring his tea into the pot, but not before removing the sugar. "I thought you were leaving?" said George, studying Paul's queer sugar habits. "Why? I just left?" Paul said. George, bewildered and thirsty, grabbed at the tea pot. "You are a stupid git!" "I am!" Paul retorted, with a big grin. "Now, you've insulted him!" said John. "How can you tell?" Of course, no one said a thing when Paul arrived, er-LEFT, the next day in high heels. And John just laughed. And George sighed. ANd Ringo ate a pie.

You say yes said John You say no said Paul You say stop said George, and I said go go go!! said ringo ...and that was the beginning of the making of that song.
so paul one day walking backwards walked right out into the street not knowing it-and a car hit him and he soon died only to be replaced by himself! The only person that noticed that Paul was no longer Paul but was Paul - was the very intelligent John Lennon (who was born with a light bulb above his head).

Everybody in the ARTIC was jealous of the Beatles for being bigger then jesus-so all the little greedy brainwashed people burnt Beatle records(that they paid for themselves) and Danced on the ice until the ice cracked and then they realized that that was not true at all - it was just the press . So they all cheered and bought Abbey rd. Then John Lennon said that he was sick of the big green dragon and so he married a perfectly nice wonderful witch that people hated for being new strange. Then John said "I'm going to kiss Yoko and love her until the end." "She's my real love, my true one, I'll tell ya!" And off they went, hand in hand to Pepperland. "Alright, Alright!" I screamed. "That was dapper." "Now how we goin to finish the song, Paul?" Ringo looked up from the drums. "I don't know. We've got another ten bar to do before Come Together is done." "Come Together? Come Together?" George tapped in from the control room. "Everything alright in there?" he asked "Come together isn't done yet..." he trailed off. We agreed to split, now and forever and that the Beatles just wouldn't be the Beatles without John. But John was happy, happy to be in Love...

John was indeed in LOVE. So much so that he dedicated the next few years of his life promoting the aspect of love. He loved Yoko more and more each day. His true fans would prove to be those who respected Yoko, his source of hapiness. Like every genius out there, a period in his life arrived where he would have a strange thing happen to him! He was booted out of his house by Yoko!! John in a confused state acted very weird and suddenly realized one evening that all he was having was "A Lost Weekend" and suddenly found himself after something like a year. Finding himself he found Yoko and together they would find the aspect of parenthood.

Badly, his nice and wonderful witch was not as nice as he was thinked... She was strange, she prefered another kind of dragon with cold eyes and cold wings...but she loved peace and she loved him (the narrator can only hope about this...) and while she was doing what she can, John screemed how the life is tough and asked Paul about his nights..(the narrator is laughting) and years after, he still sang to his mother his problems with love and life... Did he was happy? The narrator can't know but he decid some day to stop his carrier...and Sean came to life.
Sean Lennon came out and about on the ninth of October just like his father.

Yoko was very good to Ringo, she had this friend who was a REAL musician she played in an orchestra and knew a think or two about everything in music except country because she thought it was a load of (can I say it ) crap. Ringo liked Yoko's friend a lot and very soon they were married, they had a child as well and one day whilest visiting JohnandYoko, some deranged man tried to shot John but Ringo's wife who didn't like country music jumped in front of John and saved his life. Sean and Julian were very happy, except Ringo because he didn't have his muso.......

But as interesting as all of that is, none of it really matters. Not because nothing is real but rather because John and Paul had just been given a Top Secret assignment by none other than Her Royal Majesty. Yes, it seems the Queen Mother's royal sceptre had been stolen by the nefarious Blue Meanies! It was up to our lads to recover the royal sceptre before the Meanies could use it to bring about worldwide armegeddon in some bizzare, nefarious way. This was no Magical Mystery Tour. No sir! This was international espionage at it's best. And at it's most nefarious! Don't you just love the word nefarious?!

"Well, if you don't like the word, nefarious, yer off yer bloody rocker!" quipped John in his usual nasty tone. "Be nice, be nice, we've got a sceptre to retrieve and a queen to relieve," said Paul, avoiding the unavoidable. "With our love," said George (speaking for the sixth time), "we can save the world. If they only knew." "Hey, look lads! A yellow Submarine!", shouted Ringo, waving his arms and pointing up at the sky excitedly. "Let's climb aboard and do our thing!". And they did.

And so up they went up, into the Yellow Submarine. Higher and higher and higher and higher until they bumped into Lucy in the Sky with nothing to hide except for her and her monkeys. "Would you like a banana?" said John, the leader, to the monkeys of course. "Why are you the Leader?" said Ringo ,"Why,because I lead, my dear boy. Just watch me." "Look at that,he's leading" Said Paul, the cute one. "And I would like to know why you are the Cute one?" Asked Ringo."Isn't it obvious?" Said Paul, matter-of-factly. "Well, what am I to be called?" Said Ringo," the drummer" said John (still leading). " But that's so boring! From now on I will be known as the Ringy one". Well, that's just silly, said the narrator, so we know why that name didn't last.

Poor Ringo, didn't feel loved anymore, and decided to leave the group, then George decided to make an album, John feeling trapped made a movie, and Paul feeling the pressures of self expression decided to write his own silly love songs. What about the Queens mission, you ask?

"We are not amused" said the Queen, who had sent for John,Paul,George and Ringo to come to Buckingham Palace,"By your neglecting the mission I trusted you to complete", "But YOUR MAJESTY!! Said John,"We have been making MOVIES and SONGS for the people", "Yes" said Paul "And not to mention making families that keep us busy". And so the Queen let the Beatles off the hook this time if they promised to find her septre.And so they began that "nefarious" mission. They had some help with the mission from Lucy in the sky etc. because she told them that they could get information from one of the Royal Guardsmen. Down,down,down they went to the middle of the earth (were that singular guardsman lived) "Very strange" whispered Paul,for it was very quiet in the middle of the earth."Why does he live down here?" said Ringo "BECAUSE I WANT TO AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS IS IT?" yelled a high-pitched voice from the center." AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!" yelled the Beatles, plugging their ears."Why, look lads!" said John, after he had got back his hearing,"It's Mean Mister Mustard!!" "And who is that with him?" Wondered Paul. "I'm the one who keeps the quiet in the middle of the earth" said the other man."Sorry" he continued " I have been out flying and took the quiet with me, now SSSHHHHHH!!!!" said the The One who Keeps The Quiet to Mean Mister Mustard."Do you know a Guardsman who lives down,down,down here" Asked Ringo."I AM HE AS YOU ARE HE AS YOU ARE ME AND WE ARE ALL TOGETHER!!!" Yelled Mean Mister Mustard the Guardsman "SSSSHHHH!!!!" said The One who Keeps The Quiet to Mean Mister Mustard. "SEE HOW THEY FLY LIKE LUCY IN THE SKY SEE HOW THEY RUN I'M CRYING!!!!" shout John with a sarcastic smile.

Then John (the very cutest one) saw the royal septre hiding behind Mean Mr. Mustard's bed. Just as they continued their mission to find the septre, Yoko's lawyers came and said the the storytellers were using the name "Beatles" unlawfully. then John grabbed his guitar and hit the lawyers with it. "Sorry Yoko my dear. It just had to be done."

But as you all know, John would never hit anyone with a guitar! It was all a big illusion by none other than Mean Mr. Mustard!! He wanted Yoko to think that John had changed! But just then the real John appeared! All this was taking place in a Hotel room in Montreal!! John had to destroy Mr. Mustard so he went into his "Give Peace A Chance" and all the positive energy destroyed Mean Mr. Mustard into a cloud of smoke! John had saved the day and he did so without resorting to violence!! John then made the decision to retire so he could raise his son.

But where was Paul and George and Ringo? They were all off in a corner singing 'All Together Now'. For what reason? I don't know.. Does anyone have an idea.. (Rehab?) Pete, do you remember that Meanie of all Meanies? He was trying to make a commision off of their songs. Michael Jackson never touched them, or he was sure to get sued out the ***... Anyway... John actually replaced Ringo as 'Mister Conductor' on Shining Time Station, which also starred Sean. Then, as tides change, and so do shows, Shining Time Station became known as "Johnny's story hour". Sometimes he featured Shari Lewis (for a giggle), and gawked at Lamb Chop.. *uuummm* George opened up a chain of restaurants called "Gurus' Delights", featuring a quite tastee menu of rice, baked potatoes(no butter), spinach, and other marvelous marvels. Paul, still a vegetarian to the likings of Linda, became a teacher at the Liverpool Art Institution for Performing Arts.. (Say, remarks the narrator, that sounds bloody familiar!) Ringo toured with the Moffets (you know, the four young country stars). Ringo was glad this young men respected his work!

One day when Paul was watching Johnny's Story Hour he saw something on the TV that caught his attention. While John was telling the story he saw that someone was tied to one of the train tracks in the backround. As he looked closer he saw that it was Julian! And he was about to be run over by Thomas the Tank Engine! Paul called John as fast as he could."JOHN,JOHN!! JULIAN IS TIED TO THE TRAIN TRACK!!!! GET HIM OFF FAST!!!!" John ran to the track and untied Julian just before Thomas went by."That was close" Said John. "Thank you dear Dad of mine" Said Julian. "Your welcome, I think something Blue Meanyish is going on around here" Said John, looking around suspiciously. "Yes it was the Blue Meanies, but dad" said Julian,"you look awfully silly wearing that conductors uniform". "Yes I know" said John,"I think I will give this job to Sean, and Yoko could contribute stories. I wil go back to solving Magical Mysteries with the other Beatles","Yes ",said Julian,"then it could be "Sean and Yoko's Avant-Garde Story Hour", that should be quite interesting".

But what of the nefarious Blue Meanies? What will become of the Queen's sceptre? "Why I just don't know" said the narrorator in her ever so nonchalant manner. "It's a bloody mystery" quipped Ringo rather unimportantly. "Well maybe it would do to go and look for it" exclaimed Paul (the cute but too easily written off one). John was off receiving an award for his critically acclaimed "What's All the Fuss About Us" and was unavailable for comment.

BUT John and all the Beatles knew who had the sceptre was.... So at the awards when John found out where the sceptre was and made a speech on TV," Beatles the sceptre is being kept by the Blue meanies!!! In....." At that moment a bluer than blue nefarious meanie grabbed John and Beatlenapped him clear away.. So Paul anounced "Beatles to Battle"........

"BEATLE'S TO BATTLE!!!"Announced Paul to George and Ringo,"John has been Beatlenapped and we've got to find him!. I think it's time we got our Sgt.Pepper uniforms and called for OUR army!" And so they then grew mustaches and became Sgt.Pepper but with only three of his Lonely Hearts Club Band. Their army was Love and Peace and Flower Power,man. They knew that the Awards ceremony had taken place at Penny Lane so to Penny Lane they flew. There they met Eleanor Rigby, picking up rice in the church."Do you have any clues to where they might have taken John?" Asked Paul, noticing a jar by the door."No",said Eleanor,"not me. All I do is pick up rice ALL day. And what thanks do I get? None." "Thank You",said Ringo."You're welcome,lad",said Eleanor,"He's a good lad". So they left Penny Lane and flew to a Octopuses Garden they had seen when they were in their Yellow Submarine. "Why are we going there?" Asked George (speaking for the seventh time,I think). "Well, that was a very happy place",said Paul," and the Blue Meanies don't like Happy so we might find them". When they got there they found Happy all upset over something. "What's wrong Happy?" asked Paul. "I was just spreading happiness when I thought I saw a Blue Meanie!!!!",said Happy," I got so scared that I swam back here and hid. They ran away when they saw me." "Did you happen to notice where they went?" Said Paul."Yes, I think they went in the direction of Strawberry Fields". And so OFF THEY WENT!! Let them take you down, 'cause their going to, Strawberry Fields, NOTHING IS REAL.

The entrance of Strawberry Fields was mussed with vines and disgusting goo. The sky was a marmaladish color, and lions and tigers were prancing around in the sky. "I suppose it would be better if we split up", said Paul,the oneth who saw himself as brilliant and cheek. "Yes, but what if someone sees us and tries to Beatlenap us?", said George... "Now don't tell them how many times I've spoke!", said George very annoyed. (Yes, George;) ) All the while Ringo ponders to the very extent of his brain, 'What does nefarious mean'? "Well, suppose we turn into real Beetles?", Paul gladly proposes. (And so they did)....

So they split up and began to search the Strawberry Fields in its entirety. Ringo took to the left, Paul to the right, and George took straight across. Ringo was running down a pathway when a blue streak caught the corner of his eye. "Yipe!" he cried and headed towards the entrance of Strawberry Fields, only to see another blue streak pass his sight that way too. "I do believe I'm surrounded" he said sadly... Meanwhile Paul was beginning to wonder if he'd get Beatle napped. He had heard rustling in some nearby shrubs three times, and those Blue Meanies gave him the chills... George was afraid he was going to get lost. What if he did? He'd be missing in action! Then there'd be *two* missing Beatles! "Relax, George." he told himself. Then who should appear out of the bushes...not a blue Meanie but John! "Yippie!" George shouted and rushed to greet his buddy. John dusted off his shirt and smiled. "I thought I was a goner!" "We gotta find the others." George said, grabbed John's arm and led him towards the entrance, only to find themselves surrounded by the nasty blue buggers...

so the four get into their sgt. pepper's uniforms and they break into song, Hello Goodye, and all the meanies went goodbye, and the beatles were free of the meanines

Then the eggmen said"Where is the Walrus?" then John said"GOO GOO GOO JOOB! i'm right here! Then Ringo morphed into a parrot, and said "Never could be any Uho! Never could be any Uho!". Then he flew to Blue Jay Way where he met a blue J. named George. Who was the taxman, and he told Ringo "here comes the sun!". Then he ate marshmellow pies which made Ringo morph into a conductor.Then John said "and so happy christmas" in his father christmas suit. Then mother christmas Yoko said I have some gifts to deliver. They went around town delivering gifts to people. Then they dropped by blue Jay Way and gearge said Allelueia!. Then mean mr mustard and Pollyteine Pam dropped by. They went bowling at Penny Lanes. Then John said "O no" , "Yoko, Ringo and George have turned into pins" But then Ringo morphed into an octopus and the alley turned into a garden and the bowling ball disapeared. Then It was a messy bed, and John and Yoko protested without even getting out of bed. Then Johns hair got super long. It got entangled in his white "Imagine" grand piano. So then it was back to the mop-top for him

The others noticed Paul was gone, though, and called in the National Guard with the Queen Mother. Soon, they pronounced him dead. They decided to make a contest, to have the best look-alike of Paul replace Paul. But the guys never forgot the real Paul, so they sent nefarious messages through songs... (Turn me on, Deadman=#9) Then the real Lord McCartney shows up and slaps the look-alike Paul, with a law suit. _______________________________________________________________ Meanwhile, John eats a banana. "Yum!" Then a strawberry. "Yum!, forever?!" George eats a watermelon. George, by the doings of the Blue Meanies, gets hit in the head with a watermelon. "A FEINDISH THINGY!", he cries. Paul is still off, with his silly love songs. Ringo replies, "It Don't Come Easy, at least not in this story!"

Of course Yoko was quite unhappy to be the nowhere man in th fight against the blue meanies. People were getting on with their lives, and defending her was moving down their lists of priorities. SO she walked around the house opening shutters and closing them-just to open them again. A spendid time was guarenteed for all. While she stared blankly out the window, something caught her eye. (Well, it didn't REALLY catch her eye, that would hurt a lot-much more than a "spiteful" reporter's words-it's a figure of speech-like bagism or world peace-Do keep up!) And what did she see but the mighty hunters John and Paul returning home. John with a bag-a very nice one and Paul with a sizable carrot-also very nice. Ringo, too, was there. He was happy. Because normal people are. Yoko ran out. "Did you get it?" "Yes!" beamed John "Look"-he held up the bag. "Oooh" gasped Ringo and Paul, quite happy with the look of the bag. "No, NO!!!"she yelled,"I don't care about the bag! That's SO last year! I asked you for a record contract. To get me one!!!!" "Oh, yeah, right..."started John, looking to Paul and Ringo for Help!. "YOU FORGOT!!!!"she squeaked. John froze. "No, NO, I din't!" "He didn't" added Paul helpfully. "It's just that," began John, "I asked for some-FOR YOU! but..." "You should be proud of John-REALLY proud. He got offered 12 record deals this morning ALONE" Yoko's brow furrowed."THen Why don't you have one for me?" "Well, you stupid git," said Ringo, "THey were for HIM" John smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, but it seems that, well, the world's had one too many Janice-Joplin wanna-be's. And now they expect talent. Pshaw!!" "Really! Can you believe?" added Paul, who then turned his attention to Ringo, who was eating his carrot. "Stop that" He hissed. "We DID get a carrot!" Ringo smiled. "No no no no no!" shrieked Yoko. John smiled helpfully."see, that's the kind of singing they didn't really, uh.. like..uh," "They thought you were grotty" added Ringo, talking through carrot mush. Yoko ripped the bag away from John, and threw it over her head. "Well, bagism was a winning idea." "Sure, honey" said John, putting his arm around her."Wasn't it,guys? WASN'T IT?" "Was it? Was it really?" laughed Ringo, "people were getting animate about it. THey said bagism ruined one's sense of individuality. People are proud of their heritage. Why hide it? They said something about turning people into uniform Nazis. The best idea of reformation that could come out of a second-rate starving artist-verbatim" Mush flew out of Ringo's mouth from the impact of Paul's hit. "idiot, he was going to tell her that AFTER he bought her the car. Stupid!" hissed Paul. "oops," said Ringo, biting into the carrot"What does animate mean?" Yoko, frustrated, ran up the stairs only to prove another flaw of bagism, you can't see where you are going. I won't cost to much to get the shutter fixed.

Well after fixing the shutters, all those in Sam's new Bagism land found that their stories were getting stuck like glue... So one of the writers tried to get it moving it a bit better by, finding out that Yoko said the Sam could create a new webboard and site so that we could talk all day about John Lennon and what we think....

They were all there for the grand opening.. SunSHINE, Lisa Gee, Dave White, Mimi, the fool, the walrus, chocolate walrus, green submarine, Jude, Jade, Kate, etc. etc. etc. Maggie Mae, Step Inside Love, Elementary penguin, etc. etc. Even blue meanies! They all welcomed Yoko into the newfound club with open arms.. The site was revealed,,,,,, Then............. APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE! John smiles, wherever he know is... Still looking for her record contract? (back to you)

"Well, the answer was in front of our noses the whole time," George said, shaking an apple tree. He handed Yoko a delicious green apple. "Here y'are! Record on this!". And she did. "Hey- you're not really George!" yelled Ringo. All eyes turned to George... "He's right, y'know," remarked John. "His nose... it's..." "Oh, leave him alone," said Paul. "So he's got an Australian accent today, it doesn't mean he's not George!" Somewhere above them, a Blue Meanie giggled. "We've kidnapped your George and replaced him with Mr H! I didn't think you could tell the difference!" shrieked the Blue Meanie, bouncing gleefully from branch to branch.

"Well, give us back George then will you?" John asked, looking up the tree. The Blue Meanie thought for a second, then said, "What will I get in return?" Ringo looked startled. "Just keep him. I don't know if I want to part with any of my possesions," Paul said. Ringo shook his head, "Nah, we have to get George back. What can we give him though?" Ringo said thoughtfully. "I know! We'll write a song that is sure to be a number one, and the Blue Meanie can say he wrote it, and he can get all the credit," John said happily. Paul shrugged, and George screamed from up above, "Yes, anything!" So they did. Mr H. left them and George was back, except the Australian accent stayed. The Blue Meanie was the centre of all attention from now on......

"How do we get the Blue Meanie out of our lime light?" Paul asked one night. "Who's bloody idea was it in the first place to give it our song and our credit?" Ringo asked, frowning at them all. John glanced around nervously. "I don't know," he said weakly. "Don't worry, I'll announce to the whole world tomorrow it was our song. C'mon, is the world that stupid not to know it's our voices singing," John asked. "Seems so," Georege replied. The next day arrived. John set out to tell the world. He stood on the biggest hill, and cried, "Everyone all over the world, I've come to tell you that the Blue Meanie stole our song from us. The Number One called, "Princess Sarah" is The Beatles song, not some Blue Meanie's song. I am as honset as I can be, so I guess it's up to you if you want to believe me. I tell only the truth." The world screamed and laughed. "Well look, it's the fool on the hill," they mocked. A girl appeared, with long dark hair. "I am Sarah. I believe you John," she answered. "Well thank you. Would you like to come and have cakes and tea with me and my pals?" John asked Sarah. So John and Sarah went home for cakes and tea............(It's all yours now)

Upon arriving at John's home, Yoko was in the parlor playing piano for the children of the king. She was a bit surprised that John had brought home another woman and wasn't really sure what his intentions were. Today cake and tea and tomorrow who knows? After all, Yoko still remembered quite vividly when John had invited her for cake and tea when he was still living with Cynthia. This made Yoko very nervous. She loved John very much and couldn't stand the thought of losing him.

But as it turns out, Sarah was really Yoko in disguise. You see, Yoko wanted to make sure that John really loved her. (Which is pretty silly knowing that he devoted his whole life to her) Yoko thought alot about the gardner John and her had. She didnt become attracted to him and so off the Beatles went! (They flew to Canada to see some very nice Canadians.) Their names were Mary and Ryan. Paul asked Mary why she loved George and Mary replied quite casually, "I don't know perhaps it's becuase he's cuter than you." Paulie was horrified to the extent of leaving these quietly misunderstood people. (Don't worry, he didn't leave.) Mary loved the cute one which was Paul but in her mind was George and decided that she would let her friend Katy say things to make Paulie feel better. (how do you like those run-on sentences?) Katy ignored Paul but not on purpose while the other Beatles were unsuspsectedly cutting the curb. Meanstwhile Ryan bought a boat for them Beatles. (Ringo then tried to drive it but crashed into the dock)...

"AHH!" said Ringo as he rammed the boat into the dock. He was going so fast, he went flying over the dock and out of sight. "Ohno, we have to find Ringo!" said John. And off they went. They looked Here, There and Everywhere but Ringo was no where in sight. They even looked through the bent backed tulips to see where the other half live. But Ringo was gone. Paul went around asking people if they saw a drummer going flying through the air. "I haven't seen him," said Rocky Raccoon, and the local Piggies clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon said the same. "No one knows where he is," said George, "except for Ringo himself...."

"I'm right here," said Ringo lackadaisically,"My, what a big word",he said, scratching his head. Ringo had, to the mystification of the other Beatles, landed on the shore of a place with cellophane flowers of yellow and green and newspaper taxis. Poor puzzled Ringo didn't know where on earth he was, if on earth at all."No, you're not on earth", said the plasticene porters with looking-glass ties."Where am I then?" Ringo cried, getting quite annoyed. Ringo got up, dusted himself off, and saw a marshmellow pie. So he ate it. "Yummy!" He said, feeling better. "I guess I had better find the other Beatles". As he walked, he went past many people, places and things but still no sign of John, Paul or George. Finally he came to an Inn where he dicided he would stay for the night. Goodnight. And then....GOOD MORNING!!GOOD MORNING!!GOOD MORNINNNGGG!! Up Ringo got and to breakfast he went. But instead of food on his plate, there were three little beetles(not the people, the bugs)."EEEEWWWWWW!!!!" yelled Ringo as he jumped up."Don't be afraid" the bugs said,"we know where you're friends are!". "Really?! Where are they?" said Ringo confusedly."They are where love calls you on and on"."Across the universe?", said Ringo."Yes!",the bugs cried,"all you need is love to get there"."Well, I have it, so here I go!!!", and up he flew, farther and father, until he landed right on Paul. "HELP!!" yelled Paul, not knowing what had happened."RINGO!!!!" shouted John and George. "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!!! Ringo's back!. Let's celebrate!!", they said, and went off to have a party because they were glad they had come together. And there was Ringo flying through the air above it all, when unexpectedly, a flying Yellow Submarine appeared out of nowhere. Ringo, realizing that gravity would soon take its toll, got a hold of the sub.In less than 5 seconds he heard a weird noise followed by the opening of a small squared door on the side of the submarine. After a bit of trouble he finally made his way through the door only to find the place infested with octopuses bidding on a rare shiny stone. A masterpiece in their eyes. The scared Ringo asked, "Don't you octopuses live underneath the sea??". "Well, where do you think you are sad Beatle!?". And the confused Ringo looked out the round submarine window as a great white shark swam by...

he took Maxwell's Hammer and he slammed it at the submarine window. Then he went swimming in the diving costume. An octopus attacked his head. Then he fell into the octopus's garden.Paul fell in the water He caught himself on a train bridge. Thomas the Tank Engine came down the track and rescued him.Mean while Ringo swam to the top and wrestled George Carlin to get back his old job as Mr. Conductor. Paul and Ringo rode Thomas to bealtlefest where...

"Oh my! I'm under the sea, aren't I?" Ringo said. The octopus' nodded. "That's exactly where you are," they answered casually. Ringo glanced around. "Well, can I go back to land please?" They all agreed that it would be for the best if Ringo went back land. So the yellow submarine took a left them a right, and it was bobbing on the surface. Ringo got out, and said, "Thanks a lot." He was greeted by what seemed to be Strawberry Fields, and they just went on forever. Ringo could see John and Paul standing at the other side waiting impatiently for him. "C'mon Ringo, we haven't got all day," John shouted. So Ringo made his long and winding way through the Strawberry Fields to meet his friends.........

John was fighting off millions of screaming fans. He didn't know what to do. But luckily, Paul came to the rescue. They ran for what seemed ages, and came to the edge of Strawberry Fields, and they just went on forever. They looked at it in amazment. "How do we get across?" John asked. "I know, we'll.......

"Take that boat over there!" John had always pictured himself on a boat on a river so this was extremely opportune moment for them to board. They passed by the porters who were naturally wearing looking glass ties, and headed for the top deck. Now that the screaming fans were behind them, they laid down on the reclining deck chairs and looked up towards the sky. "Look it's a marmalade sky!" exclaimed John, who at that moment realized that he had a wonderful idea for a song. "Paul, don't you think that's a wonderful idea for a song?" "Huh?" asked Paul, unclear as to what John was referring to since he hadn't given him any clue about what this marvelous idea for a song might be.

"The marmelade skies? What do you think?" John asked, gazing at the orange sky above them. "I think the next stops ours," Paul answered, on the ball to everything that was happening around them. "Why's that?" John asked, still in a dream of tangarine trees. "Because Lucy in the sky is after us," Paul replied hastily. "Does she have any diamonds?" John asked getting off the reclining deck chairs. "Um....yes, she does!!" Paul said, looking hard at Lucy in the sky. "Well, maybe we should stick around," John said. Paul looked at him wide-eyed. "You can't be serious!" Paul exclaimed. John nodded, "I am you know," John said. "Well, see you round. This stops mine," Paul said, and he jumped off, only to find he had jumped onto the land called Australia..........

Who did they see? It was Brian Epstein! He had come back to life to see how the Beatles had done without him. "We started to fall apart," said John, "But thanks for asking. You can go back to heaven now." So Brian and John got into a fistfight. John asked if he was a Virgo, he said yes. "I'm a Libra, freaky?" So, being bored by now, the Beatles took off to Sydney with Brian hanging over their heads. They played very well, but Yoko was upset because she got her bag dress dirty. You can't wash paper, you know. John told her to wash it anyway. Ringo gave her fabric softener. "It's quite nice, makes my rings very shiny. I wish I could fit them all through my nose." He sighed. So Brian Epstein gave Yoko his jacket to wear. It was a nice jacket, and she accidentally kept it. Then they visited Antarctica to play for the penguins. Brian was cold, so they left quickly. He was hoping to get his wings. So John rang a bell, and he sprouted some wings. Pretty, no? Then they all drank General Foods International Coffees and crossed their legs and Ringo talked "girl talk". George showed everyone the pretty pot holders he has knit. They all cooed and said, "How nice," Then John said, "What the hell are we doing? We have a concert to do!" So they all sprouted wings and flew to Candlestick Park.

So all the band go forward into something they were not sure of... Suddently, two big blue dragons pass in front of their faces. Their wings touch the Paul head and injured him. Paul shout frustrated: Where we are &?%%@!!!??? John was surprised because he had realize that they were all in his mind since the begenning!!! THen, the draggons said to John and Yoko(who was still wearing Brains jacket)," Hello jon and yoko!! We have come bearing great nmews to you!! Yoko, blest are you amongst all Beatle wives!!! Blest is fruit of your wopmb, Sean!! He will bring happiness to you and John, and he will find a way to unite a torn apart union!! " Jhn yoko, Paul, Geoprge Brian and Ringo had no idea what the darn dragos were talking about so they decided tha it would be god if they sang a song. But then, the dragons became furious, they huffed and they puffed, and they took away all the Betales voices. and they also took away Brianand yoko's voice. The dragons created a giant black hole under all our andventurers and they all fell in. They tumbled and fumbled through the dark pit of despair. They kept falling and fallling. Suddenly, they were finding themselves in Liverpool, Liverpool , New Yorf that is!!! (HOME OF THE HOFFMAN HOTDOG!!!!!!)) They walked around the city. Normaillym, they would've been mobbeb by fans, but the city was abandoned. There was a torn beatlsposter on the ground. It had a muddy foot print on it. JOhn leened over to tie his shoe, and then suddenly........he saw a shadow rising above him....he slowly turned around and he saw the most bloody awaful thing in the world.......A huge Beatle. He let out a gut wrenched scream. WOW!! He had his voice back. Everyone had their voice back. To calm the lsrge beetle, He and All his counterparts started singing in harmony... ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE, then all the people came back to the city, and light shwon every were. The blue dragons came back, They said, "John you are the greatest man alive!!!" "You sing beautifully!!!" The dragins joined the Beatles in singing. Then, brian got them a record deal!!! They became an instant success!!!

But amidst all the clamour and attention brought about by the singing sumthangs two somethings were about to come together...over him. The Fields that they all called Strawberry was the cause of it all,two misunderstoodlings had a great fall....into love. And they too were together for quite some time,they made beautiful music they krelped lovely rymes. No one ever really got what they were about,but those two were in love,without any doubt. So the pilchards were spun and the GreenSubs all sailed home,to a land full of happiness,a land greater than Rome. No more will the wilderbumps search fruitlessly in vain for they`d found each other,on the track just before Penny Lane.

Years later, the Beatles were still ruling the world of music. They had every little country under their thumb... except a tiny little island in the middle og the Atlantic named Foorkle. So they decided to spend one week in Foorkle and try to win over the Queen's likeness. And off they flew....

Foorkle was a different place. It just SUDDENLY appeared one day. There could be no warning of it coming. Even the warners could not have forseen this warning. Neither could you, as I have told you. If they could, if anyone could, it would have been a little something like this.. WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!! _________________________________________________________________ The Queen was looking a little green. Actually, she was green. She happened to be an alien. I mean, they were all aliens. Her imperial officers told her about a nice vacation place to come and get a tan and hear great rock&roll. This place happened to be Earth, which is happening now. The Queen decided to take a look and brought her whole colony with her. The Beatles soon came on shore of Foorkle. The aliens had no expressions on their faces. They did not smile, cry, ponder, but... AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!...they did not fight. "Well, maybe we should play an upbeat song?", John suggested. "Yeah, they look like us after that Candlestick Park concert!", Paul agreed. "Well, any suggestions?", John asked. (He has such a way with words. I guess I do too! I believe I would have said the same thing)...Anyway...... "What about that song with bra?", commented George. "GEAR!", John agreed. They busted into a lavish rendition of Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da. It was quite nice really, considering this was a phrase the aliens used quite often. (Now, I leave the review to you) (NO, not you, YOU!) (Now, I'm done with my part) (Now I'm done with these silly parentheses)Now( Now( NOW!

The Queen of Foorkle was not impressed. "What else can we do then?" Ringo asked, tapping his head. "Empty is it?" John asked. Ringo nodded sadly. "Not a thing left in there," he responded. "I don't think we're going to break this little place Foorkle in. Let's move on," Paul said. As soon as he said it, a million little aliens charged at them. John looked at them, slightly worried. "What do you think they'll do?" he asked. George cocked his head, and said,"Maybe they want our autograph." Paul shook his head. "Nah, they want to kill us, let's ask Bob Dylan for a lift out of here." So they........

ran for their lives before being shot...... With spreadable SPAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Then George started speaking gibberish! John sid "The Droogs are bloody after us" Paul replied "blooba shleef nipfash!", John said "George I think you got some bad hash" Paul stood quietly, his poor guitar was so sad (I think it may have been weeping?!)! Ringo is off in the corner singing somethingabout a "Yellow Tamborine"?! George Was still speaking gibberish while millions of girls (and a few guys) were chasing after john wanting his bod! George simply said "blobah gobah nishapa", now ringo keeps saying "I'll never go back there again!"

And before to long, you can just imagine what happened to poor George. He ended up in an institution for the crazy. Paul and Ringo had had enough of their crazy adventours, and decided they might leave George in the mental hospital for a while, or maybe forever. John seemed to be running forever. All those girls wouldn't give in. John knew he would soon. "Help me Paul. Help me Ringo," John screamed through the streets of Greenwhich. Paul and Ringo sat in the pub, drinking beer, and playing cards. They glanced out the window to John running for his dear life, shrugged, and continued with their own bussiness. Somehow John had to get out of this, so he grabbed.......

A giant foot. Now folks running Monty Python's Flying Circus were none to pleased at John stealing their giant foot. But John had to do what a man had to do. He brought the foot down on top of all of them and they were crushed (emotionally or physically, take your pick). "Now look what you've gone and done!" shouted Paul and Ringo when they saw the giant foot fly past. "There's plenty more where they came from, so stop your whining!" John retorted. "Now that wasn't a very nice thing to say," said Paul. "Or do," replied Ringo.

Now the Monty Python team were having lots of trouble in contacting the Beatles because everyone believed that Brian was the messiah!!(But he was just a naughty little boy) But John Cleese managed to slip through and got their giant foot back just in time for the show to start... (da da da dada da da da dah da da da dad dada daaaaa...ect.)

George soon started singing "da da da da dadadada..." and he soon started to live on cocaine and cheese sandwiches with the Monty Python team, this made him very skinny so once he was walking along a pier when he slid beneath the wooden planks.....(into the great ocean alone)

Appearing from the apparition of a flaming tuba, John said, "'ello George, you should have eaten your cranberry sauce."

AND John is still laughing now about how strange have become their (our!) story... sit on a rug biding his time drinking some wine...he tink about the mystery of his mind...and just laught louder!!!! What a worderful life! so let's the story continu...

"The Rock & Roll come from the eyes of Paul and the glasses of John" say an inspired and wise person through the sky who, by my troth, seem to have copy other wise man... and at the moment, the blue dragons comeback (they were a lot in John mind...) to organize a big party with all their friends! and they all had fun and they were all dancing on the Beatles songs...and suddently: John begin to sing Twist and Shout with his sensual voice and the dragons were so impressed that they decide to leave him for a while...only a minute because he was like a child without them! (it was what all the dragons thinked! but HA HA HA John was stronger that what they were all thinked!) He profit of the absence of the dragons to take Paul, Georges and Ringo with him and to finally quit Yoko! no more blue dragons!!!! HA HA HA HA!!!(spectral laught)...

We then find that they were wrong...George was really the one that made sense, he wasn't insane. He walks down the street singing " I want a love that's right and right is only half of what's wrong...I want a short haired girl, who sometimes wears it twice as long." And when he looks up, who does he see but a wonderful girl with short hair (but you see, she sometimes wears it twice as long) He drops everything, marries the wonderful girl, they become inseperable. George makes wonderful music, and is never overlooked again, and him and his love live extremely happily ever after, SO happy that his guitar never weeps again.

Wait a second....they did Not live happily ever after 'cause that same day George found out that the girl with short hair (that sometimes wore it twice as long) was really a guy who sometimes wore a long wig!!!!! So obviously, George shook that weird and frustrating episode out of his mind and decided to gain some weigth and expand his menu to Indian food strictly.

After that Ringo, Paul and John were conforting their confused partner while he silently wrote the first few lines of "My Guitar Gently Weeps", which originally went like this...I look at you now, see the beard you were keeping, while my guitar gently weeps...

Then George finds that the girl that he thought was a guy wasn't a guy, she was the lovely girl that he had originally thought she was. The man with the wig was only a illusion from too much bad hash....He apologized to her and they are lived HAPPILY ever after AGAIN!

Then one day when John was using his computer he found a web site that was dedicated to him. "Wow!" said John, when he saw all the neat stuff it had on it. But just as he was going to see more of it POOF!! IT DISAPPEARED!!"OH NO!" cried John,"I must get it back!". So then he and the other Beatles (who dicided to help him) went to the Sea of Holes, where the web site had disappeared to, and found out that Yoko's lawyers (Blue Meanies in diguise!) had taken it! "Give it back!" Said John, shaking his fist at the lawyers. "Never!! Heehee!!"They said, laughing because they knew John wouldn't really hit them."Is there any way we can get it back?" Paul asked the Blue lawyers."NO!" they said, dangling the site above their heads. And then John suddenly jumped up and caught it! Then they ran back to John's house, fed the computer the site and everything was alright :).

DAvid Letterman popped up on TV and I am the Walrus was playing.David stepped outside and no other than John Lennon dumped a vad of eggnog over his head from the third floor. Then John and Yoko bleated "Happy christmas David, war is over if you want it" from the 3rd floor. Then they popped in the Theatre and commented Paul Shaffer on his glasses. And then Yoko and John said "You gots our type of style". They left the theater and who other than mean Mr. Mustard threw massive green apples at them. Then John said "I'm cryin'" SO JOHN WAS SURFING IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN AND THEN OLIVIA YELLED FROM THE BEACH "PAUL IS COMING!" THEN HER FRIENDS MELISSA AND KRISTIN AND THEIR PET AMEOBA, ALDEMA, DECIDED TO BUILD A SAND CASTLE. THEN RINGO CAME UP AND SAID 'YOU WANT TO GO TO A PARTY?" AND THEY PARTYED

Then all of a sudden, Feter Ponda joined the party, and she said, she said, "I know what it's like to be dead,".

When John heard that ridiculous comment he screamed--Are you daft son? No one knows what its like to be dead. I believe death is just another trip , man. When I go you better believe that my love will still exist. It's all you really need! We'll keep building on our positive thoughts to create a wiser and kinder generation than our own. Peter said, "Wow, that is totally cool!" How do you come up with this sh-t? How the bloody hell do I know said Johnny. Just then George walked in. What are you two smirking about?

"nothing..", john said. "i'm going to go swing from that chandelier" and jumped on the table. Ringo came running in from the kitchen just as John swang forward toward him.... "HEY, EVERYBODY!! WHAT DO YOU WANT ON YOUR PIZ..." and suddenly... JOHN'S FOOT GOT CAUGHT IN RINGO'S NOSE!!!!!! "CALL AN AMBULANCE!!" screamed Paul as he tried to disloge the beatleboot from his monstrous nose. "well, at least that snoring problem's fixed."

JOHN LENNON IS GEAR AND DON'T YOU SQUARES EVER FORGET THAT!!!!

"Well...Since I have no more Snores," said Paul, "I rock! John and I can write some bee-you-tee-full songs together!"
Then Ringo got so mad at john for kicking him and he picked up a pice of Norwegian Wood and went to hit him with it and all of a sudden he yell I GOT BLISTERS ON MY FINGERS!!!!

"I have more blisters on my fingers than you Ringo,"said George. "You do not!" said Ringo. "Shut up and get me some froot loops!" said Paul. "Why?" asked George. "Cuz I'm special and your not!" replied Paul. "Peace dammit!!" said John from across the universe "Okay," said Paul George and Ringo. Then the blue meanies returned and turned pink. The blue-er-pink meanies were NOT happy "Isn't that cute?" said John. "NO!!!" cried the meanies, "We'll do anything if you will just turn us blue again!" "Anything?" asked John. "Yes!" they replied. "Then promise to never be mean again and to give our song back."

The Pink Meanies thought about it for a while. "Hurry up," said Ringo, "or we'll leave you that way forever." Now Pink was the worst color in the world according to the Meanies, so they agreed to give the song back to The Beatles and to be nice forever. Then POOF! The Pink Meanies were blue again.

"AAGGHH!! LOOK AT ME! I'M PINK!!" Screamed Paul as he looked at himself in the mirror. "I am too!", said the other Beatles. It turned out that the Blue Meanie's pinkness had gone to the lads when in came off the Meanies! "What will the people think!" said Paul. "They'll think 'Oh! How cute!",said John."Oh, good then,"said Paul,"But wait! I don't want to be pink! You can be too cute you know!". "Well we'll just have to get it off somehow". So they tried to think of a way to get the pink off but to no avail. Then John got an idea. "Let's IMAGINE really hard that we're normal again!" So they imagined and imagined and then they looked in the mirror and.............."Yay! We're normal" said John. "No, that will never be", said Ringo. "I mean our skin color" said John."Oh, yes we are! Yay!", said Ringo, jumping up and down.

Just then, an alien spaceship came down and landed right in the middle of strawberry fields! Then they went up to the Beatles, and took Paul and threw him into the spaceship "AHHH!! HELP!!" said Paul. The other Beatles went to help but it was too late. The spaceship was gone. "What are we going to do?" said George. Just then, there was a flash of light and BAM! a little alien came down. But the alien looked just like Paul, so the other Beatles thought he was the REAL Paul! So The Beatles were happy. They went back to Abbey Road studios and recorded some songs. When "Paul" was recording "The Fool on the Hill", John became suspicious. Paul wasn't acting as he usually did. "I think Paul has been replaced by one of them aliens," said John to Ringo and George. So they planted clues in songs telling the people that Paul was actually in space somewhere.

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Last updated on May 14, 1998