Bagism: Library

In Our Own Write - Chapter 6


In Our Own Write is an interactive story YOU create. But don't worry, you won't have to write the whole thing yourself. You can can contribute as much or as little as you'd like. The idea is to build on whatever was written before, a little at a time. The specifics of the story is completely up to you, but the main theme should have something to do with John Lennon.

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All of the former Beatles decided to go to the Grammy awards since their song, "Free as a Bird", was up for nomination. Paul brought his whole family. George came with his family. Ringo came with his family. And John's family came too, amazingly. All of the groups and a few of the others that were nominated all came to the awards show. Everyone didn't know this but an intelligent but insane mastermind MDC had somehow managed to break out of his solidary confinement cell in Attica prison and was plotting to become even more infamous. His plan was just like his tatoo which read "Fab Four You Are Next" and he had four cockroaches tatooed on his arm, one which had an X scratched over it. MDC got together with his almost identical cousin Andy Partridge of XTC and they rented a Ryder truck, built a fertilizer and gasoline bomb, and parked it in back of the Grammy Awards. They then set up the bomb, but MDC tricked his cousin and made him go into the building too. MDC went to a safe distance and read his favorite book "Catcher in the Rye". Suddenly the bomb went off, thus completing his mission of killing the rest of the "Beatles", their families and heirs, and over 90% of the music industry today and yesterday. He then systematically burned down the EMI building, and got rid of as many "Beatles" recordings, memorabalia, as possible so that it would seem like the band "The Beatles" never existed. It all did not exist anymore ever because of one sinister man, MDC or Mark David Chapman (all he ever wanted was death row). And all the people wept for their favorite bands and artists Alanis, Madonna, LL Cool J, The Smashing Pumpkins, Oasis, Bush, The Fugees, Metallica, Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, etc. who didn't exist anymore because of him. It wasn't because the bands broke up or quit showbiz, no they were all dead forever and ever. So bye bye Miss American Pie cause the music won't play anymore and we have to revert back to Gregorian Chants once more.

And then I woke up. "Oh dear God, let this never, never, NEVEREVER happen" said I. what a horrible nightmare. Wondering what do do now, I wandered out into the street... POW! and I was dead. Meanwhile, in some far off land in another time, Mr. John Lennon awoke from his own dreams... "You are the Beetles with an 'A'" said a voice in his mind.... "yes!" said John... "I like 'a', it's a good letter".... John forgot about his dream, until one day, he was sitting around with his band trying to think a the most wonderful name for thier band... "I have it!" said Paul, "We shall be the Imagineer's!" "Hmm. Don't like that much," said George and everyone decided that he was right, because he was the one who never talked, and he had talked so the started thinking again... "The Beetles... with an 'A'" said john under his breath... "The Greetles with a 'J'?" asked Ringo.. "No... the BEATLES!! with an 'A'!!!" "Ah yes, the perfect name!!!" said Paul falling off his chair... "ow."

After the BeAtles had had their spelling inspiration they all went out to a juice bar. At the juice bar they met their friend and recurring character, the blender. This blender did have a name. Namely she was KAT THE OMNIPOTENT BLENDER. This meant that she was all powerful and was able to change shapes. only a few paragraphs ago she was being Sarblago the wonder dog. Any way, The Beatles knew that Kat was wise so they consulted her about their next career step. after whipping up some frothy drinks Kat enlightened them all. "George, get over your passion for Eastern religion and do not consult Dhali LLama" "john stay away from New York and Art shows, you never know what sorts of strange persons you can meet at abstract art shows" "Paulie do not marry Linda , as she will later be calleed 'the dog with Wings'." And Ring " Do not go into country music, it suits you." All the Beatles were held in Awe but they missed the wonder dog and were inclined to ignore the blender, this later caused them al to be unhappy and old and fat, because blender magic is a sort of NEVER-NEVER-LAND thing where, as long as you believe, you never have to grow up. The Blender was distressed so she promptly transformed into a mystic purple cow, but she preferred blender form and so reverted to her juice bar appliance self.

Yuck , what a dream George said to starry-eyed Nicole2....

but actually, George wasn't talking to Nicole 2, because she had run away when she thought he was having an affair with Annie (which he wasn't ofcourse) George was actually talking to Paul after waking up from a dream where Paul had married some funny winged dog named Linda. "Oh, god I'll never do THAT!!!" he said "good" said george, "because she was a real loser!!!" Just then Annie walked through the door carrying...

(back to John and Paul) John was angry that the band name was still the Beatles so he threatened to quit the band unless they changed the name to Oasis. John was to valuable to loose so they once agin bacame OASIS

Then Ringo said "Oasis is a stupid name, why are we calling ourselves that??" The others looked around and shrugged. Then they changed back to Beatles because Ringo was usually right.

Then the Beatles decided to go on yet another vacation!!! They decided they all should go, even though Paul wanted to go to France by himself to make a song.

So this time they decided to go hangliding!!! They rented some hangliders and jumped off a cliff and started soaring through the air. It was very peaceful until JohnandLauren noticed that Paul was missing. "Oh no!! Where could he be???" asked Annie. So the decided to split up and look for him. Johnandlauren went west, George and Nicole 2 went north, and Ringo and Diana went west. JohnandLauren suddenly heard a whistle that meant someone had found Paul. But now they didn't know which way to go!!!

OOPS!! I meant Ringo and Diana went east!!!

So there they were, sailing through the sky, like BLACKBIRDS, when, out of no where, Yoko comes flying through, to save John from this dangerous place so that he could come and live with her in an apartment for 10 years. John said "No! No! I want to live with Caroline! She's my only love!" But down she came, scooped him up in her muscular arms, and departed for New Yoak with John screaming and flailing, crying "Caroline, Caroline!!" Meanwhile, Paul and Lauren and George and Nicole 2 were still handgliding around the night sky, and hey! it suddenly became nightime, and people weren't supposed to be handliding at night. Paul became dizzy and afraid, and his big round eyes started filling up with tears. He was in a dangerous position, and it just wouldn't do for him to die, would it? He thought of his only love, Caroline, whom he was planning to steal from John anyway. Just at that moment, John came flying through the sky after having thrown Yoko into a cage. "She'll be there for a while," he said to Paul, who he had just recently bumped into in the air. "John, get us down!" said Paul, not caring about Yoko. So John got everyone safely back to the ground and even though it was dark, they went skiing in the Alps (again), but they forgot how to ski and kept screaming "Help!" It was quite a commotion but they made it okay and next checked into a Hilton in Amsterdam. "Too much travelling," said George when they got to their room. And the next thing that happened was Caroline and John left the room to go get drinks. But unbeknownst to them, Paul was following. As they walked down the hallway, Paul tiptoed closer and closer until he finally reached them and snatched Caroline from John's clutches. "Hey!" shouted John. Then he saw it was Paul and was even more surprised. "She's mine now, John, I love her and she loves me." John looked at Caroline with a blank stare. "It's true," she said. "Okay fine, "said John, and he went downstairs to the lobby. Paul and Caroline ran off somewhere and were missing the next morning. John was in a jovial mood because Caorline was gone and so was Yoko and he was free. It was a very nice feeling and Paul was happy too. John and Ringo went downstairs after a hard day's night and got some soda. Just then, this beautiful woman walked by who really caught John's eye. Ringo noticed and said, "Oh no you don't, John. You've been through way too many women!" "And you haven't?" was the reply. Ringo sighed as John ran after this new woman. "Where's John off to?" asked George who had just come downstairs. "Another woman," said Ringo, not even looking up. * * * "Hi there," said John. The woman turned around only to stare in surprise at who was talking to her. But then she recovered herself and said hello. "I'm Meg," sahe said. "Good enough, you're the one, I fell in love at first sight!" said John. "Me too," she said and they ran off to be married that day. They came back to the hotel and Paul and Caroline, married as well, greeted them. Ringo then ran up with George and said there was a mob of girls coming after them. Everyone ran and got back to the room. There was loud banging on the door, and all of a sudden,

Blender jumped down from the overhead compartment and looked up at Ringo angrily. "You're a big snot cheeseball!" Ringo blinked. "I am?"

"yes, you are!" "oh!" said Ringo, "I never knew!" "you didn't KNOW???" asked Paul... "um... no..." said Ringo...

Suddenly a monkey flew out of Ringo's Bum! "How the bloody hell did he get up there?" asked Paul. "I don't bloody know," replied Ringo,"it must be the food!

Then pretty Patty came to George and expressed her real feelings. She began singing her song,"Love me, love me, say that you love me. Need me, need me, go on and need me. Love me, love me, pretend that you love me. Because I can't care about anything but you!" George said; "Whoa Patty I didn't know that's how you still felt about me. Okay I'll take you back since you're still such a babe after all these years. I don't care if you can't have kids, cause we're too old to anyhow." So Patty and George were reunited and had a rolicking wedding in Barbados, right along with a younger but similar looking couple. So it was George and Patty, and Liam and Patsy all getting married (or remarried) in that tropical climate.

Then, John and Meg and Paul and Caroline Ringo and Diane came to visit George and Patti. They were all walking around trying to think of things they could od to make this thing more interesting. The Ringo screamed out "EUREEKA! I'VE GOT IT!""You know what we can do now?" John asked. "No, I've just always wanted to say that." Ringo said. Then all the fans began chasing them again so they sent their wives to a house so the fans couldn't see them. They began running again but the fans had become very smart and they cornered the Beatles. "Woo-hoo!" Paul and John said.George said,"Paul and John, did you forget you just got married ,you don't want to be caught""That's what you think."But George was right. Espically since the wives were right there. Both Caroline and Meg didn't want to be with them anymore. But luckily for them there were two fans in the crowd that loved John and Paul very much, so when they heard this they ran up to them and grabbed them. John said"and who are you you sexy little thing?" "My name is Kristen and I LOVE you" and Paul found out that he now was with Katy. So the rest of the fans went off cuz Kristen and Katy told them to get away. Then as they were all walking down the street again...

Then George woke up in a field. Nicole2 came running. Oh your not having an affair after all ! "your the only one I'll ever love" he said

PAUL got hit by a car!

and then beautiful Annie appeared from nowhere and kissed him with a magical kiss that suddenly made him wake up. "You saved my life, Annie!" he looked up at her beautiful face. "I'm so sorry about all the confusion! and why the hell was i with meg anyway? you're the one i love!" then it started raining and since Annie and Paul were ALREADY married, they decided to go save John from that terrible Yoko-dragon lady who was holding John hostage in an apartment building in New York. So Annie hailed a flying taxi for her and Paul to go to New York in. They had a really fun ride there (if you know what i mean) but when they arrived...

They found the dragon lady holding John AND George AND Ringo hostage!!!

...The Dakota building was hidden inside a sparkling cloud of dew, and Annie and Paul were too tired from their trip to attempt to surmount the terrible obstacle. "Let's go get a burger," yawned Paul. "I sure am hungry." So the two lovers hailed yet another magically cursed taxi and sailed to the nearest burger joint for some sustenance. As soon as they stepped out of the cab, a cold rush of wind that looked a lot like John swooped over them. "John!" Paul gasped. "Are you dead?" "Of course not, you silly bastard," John replied. "Isn't this a neat trick?"

Then the dragon lady died and the three Beatles were set free. Then GEORGE was hit by a car.

"Wow!!" Paul said. "How do you that??" "Lauren taught me how!!" replied John as JohnandLauren became solid again. "I'll teach you, if you want" said Lauren to Paul and Annie. So after they all learned how they went around town scaring people out of their wits.

No he wasn't! A beautiful young girl pushed him out of the way before he was hit. "You saved my life!" said George. "What's your name? I think I've finally found my true love." "It's Megan," she replied. The two lovers were married and were happy.

Then JOHN got hit by a car!

"ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!" Yelled John as the car came crashing into him. But out of nowhere came Lucy In the Sky and she swooped down and grabbed john by the head and saved him from the speeding vehicle. And down came Paul, from the sky! "Uhm...when did you learn how to fly?" asked John to Paul. "Oh, me and Lucy were practicing flying when we heard you go 'ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" answered Paul.

WHAT???!!!!!??!!

yeah, WHAT!!!?!!???!! is right, because just then RINGO got hit by a car!

But his really very big nose SAVED THE DAY!! Insten of hitting any part of his body that vas actually IMPORTANT, the car got caught in his nose, but his nose being so big, and all, he couldn't see it, and was just like "ERR" he sounded quite odd seeing as he had a car stuck up his nose" Does anyone have a tissue?" Paul did but he didn't let him use it, because he was just that kind of person, so they had to go into a puab to ask for one, and they had two laggers and lime, and two laggers and lime. BUT wouldn't you know it that pesky estren bunch ......

Yes, Ringo DID get hit by a car!!! "Stop playing with that remote control car," he snapped at George, "it just hit me bloomin' foot!!"

Ringo was on his own and in the street but John ran to help him up. Even though Paul persuaded him not to because he said Ringo was so cute it was only making him not look as good. "Hey," he said, "I have an idea. Sence I am not as cute as Ringo we'll sack him and find some ugly to drummer to take his place." The other three didn't agree with his desicion, and Ringo was so mad Paul would think that, he wanted to cunsult with George on what he should do to get back at Paul. Now George, who had been voted the flew home from Abudhabikenyamisterdinkyland, India, and came over to Ringo's house.

"Sorry," George muttered.

"For what??" asked Ringo.

George shrugged. "What has India done to you??" asked Ringo. George shrugged again.

Meanwhile, John and Paul were waiting at the recording studio for the others to show up. Ringo finally sauntered in an hour late. "Where's George?" asked Paul. "He blacked out at me place and started chanting some kind of weird mantra that was something like, 'hare krishna rama rama ding ding'," Ringo replied. The boys were used to this happening and just carried on without him. It wasn't until the night was almost over that George Martin realized George had never shown up, because he never said a word anyway.

George decided that he was not going to L.A. There was too much fog & smog upon the city. Ringo replied"I hear the clock a tickin' so I best be going". John was in the other room & yelled to George,"WHY DON'T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD?" Play some music that is. Paul was nowhere to be found. They thought he was up on a hill making a fool of himself but in reality he was walking down the street the other day & met a man & said I can smell your feet a mile away!. He remembered the time he was by himself & thought{man we was lonely!} Paul went home to rest his mind but after he got there all kinds of people were making there way down the long & winding road to his place. So he went groovin' up slowly & told John they have hair down to there knees. John then said "Let it be". Paul remarked "Every night I just want to go out & [someone finish this sentence]

PARTEEEEE WITH annie

ride nowhere and spend someone's hard earned pay." "Your crazy," John told him. "I'M crazy?" said Paul. "Now, come on John and take that bag off your head."

"What the 'ell are you talking about? I don't have a bag over me head, you silly bastard," John said. "Oh..." replied Paul, feeling pretty confused. "I guess them drugs musta been more powerful than I thought...." John was getting pretty tired of living with a dead dragon lady while at the same time putting up with a half-witted best friend, so he decided to pay a visit to his lover. Her name was Julia, and she lived in a far away castle at the top of a rolling green hill. "Hello lover!" John cried as he picked her up in his strong fragile arms. "Let's fly away to a distantly secluded land, never to be seen again by the public eye!" "But, Johnny," she cried, "What about my tulips?" For Julia took especial pride in her lovely flower garden which lay at the bottom of the hill. "Not to worry, my dear. We'll bring 'em along!" John announced. With the tulips in hand, John and Julia floated up, up, up into the beautiful night sky, past the diamond stars, until they reached the moon. Here they decided to stay, since it was so peaceful and lovely without any silly bastards standing around asking dumb questions. The two lovers danced freely all night, bathed in a pale sheath of glimmering moonlight....

"Move out of the way, you bloody dolt," Paul hissed at Ringo. The three boys on the ground were trying to see John and Julia with a telescope, but Ringo's nose was getting in the way. "It's not his fault," said George. "You heard what your grandad said. He can't help having a hideous great hooter." Ringo spun around to face George, and in the process knocked Paul over with his nose. "I don't need you to protect me no more," Ringo said. "Yeah, said Paul, "You ought to be protecting me from that thing!"

"OK Paul, I'll protect you from Ringo's nose." said George. So he stood in front of Paul so he woouldn't get knocked over.

John and Julia were floating up and up and up, then there was a scream. Julia was falling! She landed on a cream puff and screamed to Ringo to come over and help her. "what happened, Julia?" asked Ringo. "That Meg girl came back and John threw me off the cloud!" she said. So Ringo ran off with Julia and Paul and George just looked at each other in disbelief. "We should write a book," said Paul, " about all of these girls we end up with, getting rid of, and sharing. For goodness sakes! John THREW her off of a cloud!" "yeah," said George. He began to write with Paul when John came back with Meg. He had her handcuffed to his wrist so that she couldn't get away ever again. "Hi there, John," said George. "What are those handcuffs for?" "She's not getting away again!" he replied. "Wasn't it you who got away before?" asked Paul. "Yeah, but I've changed my ways, I've been through a lot! Ever since Yoko brainwashed me. But now I just want Meg, and we're gonna have some fun! Wanna come? Bring whatever girls you guys are with at the moment, Patti, or Katy? Am I up to date? I don't remember. Anyway, where's Ringo?" "With Julia." said Paul. "Oh," said John. "We switch around a lot don't we? HA!" John apparently thought this funny. The he kissed Meg, and the three 2's ran off to do some wave riding in the bahamas. That's where they found Ringo and Julia, and the four couples were all married together on the beach in bikinis and shorts, and went wave riding. Then they built a house on a Greek island all for themselves. And John and Meg were still handcuffed, but they seemed to have lost the key! So they took a tour of the world with the other Beatles and looked for the key.

So they were watching John and Julia through the telescope. Then they noticed that someone else had walked up to them. It was Lauren!! "Hey, what's going on??" she asked. "Uh, nothing," they replied, trying to hide the telescope from her. "What is that?? Is that a telescope???" she asked. "What telescope?" asked Paul dumbly. "That one" lauren said and she grabbed the telescope and looked through it and started crying when she saw John and Julia.

HEY!!!

The Maharishi came and snapped his fingers. EEEE

WWWWWWWW I Married Meg? " George said "She's very beautiful, but not for me" So George and Nicole2 went back to India and meditated. They then got PERMANENTLY REMARRIED (hint, hint)

Hey! Meg and Megan are two different people!!!!

Then Ringo got hit by yet another car! This time his nose didn't save him and it HURT!

yes, ringo was very hurt, but no one seemed to notice! George was off in India being brainwashed by some Bubbagandivalosershithead, John was still in the sky dancing with one of his many girlfriends, and Paul was off with annie writing a great song called "Maybe I'm Adog" (which was a #1 hit, i might add) to notice that poor ringo was gushing blood all over the...

No! John and Meg were married! Aren't you paying attention? They are on a tour of the world right now!

But then never mind, Cyn's dearly beloved flying dog she got for her little (or was it large?) get togher came back from the dead (if he ever was dead,) and flew after the NASTY, NASTY car, caught it by the boot and therw it into the land of the gabbage patch. when he landed the driver of the NASTY, NASTY, NASTY (it got worse) car, who just happened to be a blue meany, got out of the car and all the nasty cabbage patch girl dolls (wich makes absoutly no sence, seeing as you find boyd under cabbage leaves, not girls) came rushing towards him ready to tear him to shreads when Sabarglo, who could not stand violense jumped infront of the cabbge patch kids, and took a whis on them and because they were so shably made........they fell apart. Just then The Quiet Fan and what's-his-face, gearges son came in and said (though niether of them spoke much).................(back to who ever)................

"The Beatles and the Search for the Missing Key:" John and Meg, hancuffed together, looked and looked and looked. They started back in good ol' England, in Liverpool, by visiting George's parents who had collections of everything, big and small. Mr and Mrs Harrison led them to a door, opened it, and there was a narrow staircase going down, so far down that they couldn't even see the bottom. The group began to walk down when all of a sudden, John fell, dragging Meg with him. They landed after 2 minutes of falling, in complete darkness. They heard a faint shout from above and the lights suddenly went on. They had fallen into a secret warehouse full of junk from floor to ceiling. Meg jumped up, and fell again because she was still attatched to John, and they heard a clanking sound. They key had fallen out of Meg's pocket!

And then from underneath one of the piles of things out jumped a wizard. John and Meg had just unattatched themselves, and the wizard grabbed Meg and brought her away with John, Paul, and George chasing after. Ringo's nose weighed him down so he couldn't run. Meg screamed for the three of them and they began to fly, Paul was teaching them, like he was taught before saving John from that car accident. They caught up to the wizard and dragged him to the ground. They saved Meg, pulled off the wizard's hat, only to find it was Ringo. "how can this be?" asked John. "You were just with us!" "Yeah, but that was my double, haha! I got you! hahaha!" This made John so angry. Meg was his prized possesion, and now she would have to be handcuffed to John again. So she was and he took her away from Ringo for a long long long time. Ringo sent John lots of presents, but he wouldn't accept the apology, just yet. Finally, when Ringo sent him a pet bull, he said, okay, you're forgiven, but Meg's still handcuffed to me.

AS I WAS READING A BOOK, I CAME UPON AN INTERESTING FACT. JOHN WAS SHOT 6 HOURS AFTER HE SIGNED MARK DAVID CHAPMANS COPY OF "DOUBLE FANTASY"!!

Yeah, thanks, we already knew that,but definetly didn't need to hear it. now on with the story.

WHY WON"T ANYONE LET ME STAY MARRIED TO JOHN???? Ok, JohnandLauren decided to go drive to London. They met up with the other three there and they all flew to Africa. Then they decided to go through the Sahari desert.

Excuse me, there is no way Ringo could have been on John's little search for a damn key because he is still in the middle of the road bleeding and no one is helping him!!!!

Lauren, I'm very sorry, but he is married to Meg. Meg is omnipotent and she heard about Lauren. Lauren is in Africa by herself and John and Meg are still married. She's the only one he wants. John is so powerful now that he keeps Meg and makes sure no other women can come near.

Ringo got up by himself a long time ago!

JohnandLauren ran to help Ringo. After 3 months he got better again. The doctor said that if Johnandlauren hadn't saved Ringo he would have died!! So Ringo was very grateful to them, but they knew he would do the same for them.

Meg, I was married to him first, I love him the most, and he loves me. Isn't that what counts??

and what does omnipotent mean??

Lauren, I believe I'm speaking for all of us (and I'M not Meg), but you're going a little overboard if you want to marry him. How old are you anyway? Don't ruin the story, you had your turn, now let Meg's creator have a turn.

omnipotent means all knowing

Ok, let's make this a story about the Beatles again. So Johnandlauren and their friend, Meg, and the other Beatles were lost in the desert. This way they wouldn't get hit by anymore cars. So they were walking and walking. After a while they became thirsty and tired. But they couldn't get out!! 3 days passed. Then they saw this place that was full of buildings and people. "What place is this??" Johnandlauren asked. One of the people came up to them and said "Welcome to Jonjon Land. It's a magical place that only people who believe in peace and love can live." So since they all believed that they decided to go for a visit.

Geez, can't I be obsessed over something??

Whoa, all the beatles were having dejavu (however it's spelled) and the man who came up to them was named John too. Lauren took one look at him and fell in love. They ran of to form their own land and John married Meg for the 3rd time. The other Beatles and their wives visited Jonjon land for a while and decided they wanted time away from their women so they put them in a room and ran to Moscow. But then they remembered how great the girls there were so they went to the rainforest, where they had no knowledge of the chicks. Meg and nicole2 etc were all stuck in the room for a while

"ANYWAY, let's get on with this" paul said to Annie who was sitting across from him. they were in yet another one of those cursed flying taxis. "Yes, let's get on with it" Annie said as Paul...

The Beatles swun from vine to vine in the rainforests of brazil. they came across a little village and had some lunch. Just when they were finishing, a big drum sounded and the four of them were cornered. All of a sudden,

Just then, Annie, Nicole2, Meg, and whoever the other girl was flew in, grabbed their guys, and swam across the atlantic back to liverpool.

?

Ok Meg, I'm sorry, it is your turn, you have my blessings :0) But I get to visit you guys once in a while!!

Meg, that was nice of Lauren!

Thank you Lauren :)

Okay, now that we've got that settled....The eight arrive in Liverpool only to find the queen waiting for them. She had lost her robe and crown, and wanted them to find it. "oh no," they said, "not after that whole sceptre thing!" So they ran, each to their own homes. When John and Meg got to John's house, they opened the door and walked in on a family eating dinner! "Hey, what are you doing in my house?!" "What are you talking about, Lennon? We live here now, you moved to that big old house in the USA. In vermont, I think it was." "Oh, that's right." As they walk down the steps, the others came over. "The blue meanies are back!" cried Paul. And indeed they were, and they chased the beatles down the road. They were so used to running, but their wives couldn't keep up, only meg because she was handcuffed to John. But the blue meanies didn't care about the wives, they just wanted Ringo, he was wearing their sacraficial ring. The Beatles ran for a long time and soon it was night, so they grabbed onto a shooting star and flew up to the sky. The blue meanies looked up, but they kept running so they fell on their faces. As the eight went up into the sky, they found a beach in the distance where it was already morning and dropped down, landing on a newspaper taxi that appeared on the shore. "Lucy!" shouted George. "She's in the sky with diamonds again!" And indeed she was, Lucy came down and gave them a magic wand with which to keep away the blue meanies. John took it and handcuffed it to his other arm. Then a little talking dog came over and said, "Go to Doctor Robert, you'll be new and better men!" And doc robert then appeared on the shore, just as the newspaper taxi had. But, oh no!, there were blue streaks everywere! But John had the wand and he shot them all down. Except for three. They came over and took away doc robert. Paul ran off after them, up up up into the sky. So far away, that he couldn't be seen anymore. Ringo shouted, "I'll get him," and he went flying too. So there were George and John and their wives, and Ringo's and Paul's, on a beach. They just looked at each other, George and John did, and wondered what to do. So they looked to the dog. He had more advice: "Go see the walrus!" "But I am the walrus," said John, "and I don't know what to do!" The dog dissapeared and John had no clue. George grabbed his sitar, out of thin air, I guess, and played a song. The blue meanies heard this song and came back, only to steal the instrument away. We HATE that thing, they said and flew off once more. "What should we do now?" asked John. Then all of a sudden, something hit him in the head. The sacraficial ring! "RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!" they heard someone shout. It was Ringo! He was runnning toward them, trailed by Paul, Doctor Robert and the blue meanies!

But, wait a minute, whatever happened to poor old Julia? Well, falling onto the cream puff had caused quite an injury to her sad little tulips, so much so that it was beyond even Dr. Robert's powers to try and save them. Their demise upset the already emotionally fragile Julia (for being thrown off the moon by your lover is not a pleasant experience) enough that she flung herself across a set of lavender railroad tracks and ended up in the hospital with serious internal injuries. When her John heard about this, he was so upset that he quickly left the feuding Meg and Lauren (he was getting sick of them anyway) and magically appeared at the foot of Julia's bed, holding a fragrant bouquet of shining and colorful...you guessed it...tulips. "John, I'm so happy to see you! I thought I never would again!" she cried, her eyes wide open for the first time that day. "You didn't think I'd forgotten you, did you, you silly bastard? I was simply under a magician's spell for a while which made me feel not quite like myself. I never meant to push you off of *our* moon, and it was all a dream, anyway," John told Julia, softly kissing her. "But thank goodness for that Ringo..." Suddenly, Julia got a sinking feeling in the bottommost pit of her very stomach. "John, let's get out of here. I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen...." In the blink of an eye, Julia, John, and the new set of magical tulips were back up in the comfort of the clouds, thinking of nothing but maraschino cherries and the thrill of being reunited again.

Well, it seems that John found a way of getting away from the blue meanies, but what he forgot when he went back to Julia is that Meg was still handcuffed to his arm. Because they didn't have the key again, John and Julia were forced to listen to Meg cry and cry and cry, and and her fit of anger blame John for leaving his best friends with the blue meanies. "you're right!" shouted John and he took Julia with him and Meg to go rescue the other 6. Ringo had thrown him the sacraficial ring, which he was wearing when they got back to the scene. Paul shouted, "Oh! There you are! Thanks for coming back." He was pretty mad. "And Julia's here too now?" They were running so hard and Paul was yelling at John, and they ran into a brick wall.

The ring fell off of John's hand and the top of it came off. Out fell the key, and John and Meg were disconnected! They were both quite glad, but they had to run carrying Paul because he hurt his head when he slammed into the wall. They ran into a cave and buried the ring, then thought, hey, we don't need this ring. Give it to those stupid blue things. The blue meanie leader came into the cave, John threw him the ring, but what he really wanted was Meg. They tried their hardest to keep him away from Meg, but the blue meanie got her and flew out of the cave with Meg in his arm, screaming. "We have to get her!" shouted John. He still cared about her, even though she wasn't the love of his life anymore. So everyone grabed onto Ringo who had just installed a motor into his nose and it had them onto the blue meanies in a second. All of a sudden,

John thought, if I have to handcuff her to me again, I'll kill someone!

But John knew he really wouldn't kill someone, because all he really cared about was peace, love, and music. Especially peace. John knew that somewhere, inside him, was the answer. "The answer to what?" Said the shallow Paul. "I understand you, John," sighed a girl named Melissa who knew she would miss John very very much. "Transcedental Meditation!" they all shouted and flew off to India to find inner peace.

when John, Julia, Ringo, Nicole, Paul and Annie arrived in Inadia, they were greeted by a weird sight. George was sitting cross legged in the middle of the forest chanting "yubbabitsvai'maloser". it was such a funny sight that all the wives, especially annie, were having a hard time with not laughing at him. finally, after resisting the urge for minutes, Annie let it out "HAHAHAHAHAHA" everyone stared at her with icy stares (exept Paul, who loved everything about her) but then Ringo hit her over the head with his sandal and Annie fell over. "what the hell was that for" paul's face turned bright red as he lunged for Ringo. "you stupid bastard" he screamed even louder again. But then george woke up from his trance and came over only to see.......
that Ringo was lying flat on the ground, blood dripping from his nose. He gasped and peered over to Paul's direction. "What the hell, jingle bell?" All so suddenly, a woman came from the north. She called herself Jude. "Oh no, not Yoko again" Paul cried. "Chill out Paul, I'm not Yoko, you can even search me, try to budge my skin, or whatever. I am just here to help poor Ringo. Why did you have to do that Paul? Your lady is not hurt, she is just shocked. But look what you did to Ringo, now his nose will be permanately better. He has a regular nose now, and you can't make fun of him anymore." sweet talked Jude, making Paul feel guilty. "Not guilty, for getting in the way, when you're trying to save the day...." Paul urged, trying to find out if Jude is really Jude. "Okay, I believe you Jude, but how are we going to get Ringo's nose back into place? I want to make fun of Ringo, it's my pride and joy..." Paul said. Just then, Jude went away, back into her nowhere land, waiting for another chance to save the Beatles from their outbursts. "You'll have to figure that out yourself, nice meeting you. I'll be back, if you need me." Said Jude. "Hey wait! I NEED YOU!!!" cried George. "Great idea," said Jude still walking away,"that will be a great song, I'll be your insperation." And then she disappeared...

"How are we going to get Ringo's nose back to being big again?" cried Paul. "I LOVE making fun of it! It's a hobby I can't live without!" "Actually, I like me nose the way it is now," said Ringo, so nothing was really done to fix his nose because he didn't want it. The headlines in the newspaper read--PAUL'S FIST GIVES RINGO A NORMAL NOSE. Now all the girls liked Ringo more than any other Beatle because he looked the cutest with his new nose. This made Paul very angry because he used to be called the cute one and Ringo took his title. Paul was so mad he... realized that neither he nor Ring were cute at all, there faces were all old looking from drugs & cigarettes. The only cute (really cute) one was George, who stayed young because of his magic sitar and frequent meditating, and his belief that "with our love, we will save the world." And, of course, everyone knows he was talking about him and Melissa, who understands John but is now married to George.

But Paul was still angry about Ringo's nose so he got a car and put all the Beatles in it. Then he purposely ran into a brick wall. He did it carfully so that he wouldn't get hurt, But George and Ringo ended up unconcious and John had minor injuries.

ANYWAY, Ringo was now very happy with his new nose. Paul was unhappy because there may be one or two people in the world who liked someone more then him. George was unhappy because George was always unhappy. So John, seeing the hostility, went off to make a movie called, "How I lost the War." Ringo couldn't stand to be around Paul who was constantly throwing bricks through his window and George who wouldn't stop meditating so he went to visit John in Spain where he was making the movie.

and when Ringo arrived by way of B.O.A.C Airlines, he found John, not acting, but singing a new song he's written called "Blueberry Bushes Never". "that's a pretty good son, John" Ringo said " except the words are a little weird" they were sitting in the middle of a field at night. "yeah, they are at that" John replied. but just then, Ringo noticed a huge bright object hovering over head "Run for your life!!!" john screamed. but then they noticed that the object was not a UFO, but just one of Paul and Annie's cursed flying taxis. Remember that Paul was still mad about Ringo's nose, so instead of getting out of the limo to greet his mates, he threw a huge pile of bricks on top of Ringo...

so like ringo's all "ouch, why are you throwing bricks" and paul's like "it was george!" and totally lyin' and all. so then, like the plot gets drastically changed by like this huge BOOM which like everybody will call THE BIG BOOM. and i mean like the whole story is wiped, and maybe like...........WHATEVER.

"Good morning, Yoko," said John even though it was quite the evening, and rather bad. But it didn't matter because they were head over heels in love anyways. "But enough of that crap" said George, and the plot rolled on. There were four of them, John, Paul, George and Ringo, who expertly modeled themselves after Nasty, Dirk, Stig, and Barry, respectively.

John then suddenly remembered Meg. What should we do? he asked.

Guess what fellow story lovers? I AM the reincarnation of John Lennon (he came back as Abbie) an' he sez this part of the story's too omnipotent. So I start hyar: John encountered a bulk of cows. All the Beatles and Jeremy Hillary Boob p.h.d and Yoko in a bed popped out of a Yaller Submarine (as those sucky Beatle-Banners 'neath the mason-dixon line say). So George hit Old Fred, who was still in the Submarine! John didn't care bout them except fer Yoko whom he loved dearly!! John sed to Yoko, "bxxxx91@#$!!?" which Ritchie Starkey, M.B.E. didn't get but Yoko did!! So get out your Little Orphin Nannie decoder badges an' translate it yerself (It means "I'm anorexic/bulemic. HELP!") So Yoko found the lost Weekend and gave it ta John. Suddenly it was Happy (it being an irrelevant pronoun) and everyone turned into Beautiful People! Yoko ate grapefruit. Ooh Ah'm gettin' deep. Tune in next Week to see all the Unanswered ?s. They are: Since when are cows measured in bulks? Can John use the found lost Weekend to make Nude Dork (New York?) city Fly? Don't pee your pants! Read on!

Meg got swallered up by a pair of Kinky boot beasts. "Totally irrelevant", cried John, whose bold Quest for Religion was analyzed and Criticized like it has been since October 9th. Suddenly an Omnipotnent FACE appeared! She/he/it showed John a Magical, Mystical Q-Z Dictionary! Whoa! John woke up what was the significance of this totally irrelevant dream? Who nose? I nose! Actually I a notorious Abbie who doesn't not use double negatives?!? John kicked me out. "Oh Cynthia!" John cried. But then he realised how Cynthia made him take out the teeth. So he went into a dream.....

So here we are floating around in a yellow submarine, repeating the movie. thrilling. and don't even ask where meg came from, becaus, if you recall, there was a boom. "but enough of that crap" ringo recalled, and the submarine chugged onwards. anyroad, since we're getting real............ARTSY here, i believe i shall cutout. (easy on the nose)

so, whatever the hell that abbie chick was talking about....... okay, so all 4 beatles and Meg, nicole 1 & 2 and Annie were all sitting in the submarine when all of a sudden who would appear unto them but... (continue on from here)

God, and he said to search for the holy grail.

So the Beatles and the 4 girls trooped over to the holy land to find the grail. They knocked on the door. "What do you want??" a gruff voice asked. "We have been sent!!" they cried in unison. So the door opened.

So they journeyed to a French castel in the middel of NOWERE!!, and the incredibly rude French dude (HEY! I'm a poiet and I didn't know it, but I guess I must seeing as Ijust said so, anyway back to the fake reality of the story) said their mum and dad smelled funny and were hamsters, and started throwing farm animals at them ( go figure!) at wich the Beatles and Nicole 1+2 (=nicole 3) and every one else who was with them got very offened, so they bulit a big wooden bunny (but forgot to get in) at wich Yoko came charging at it with the jelly baby pie she had so rudely eaten, but had later barfed back up because she hadn't taken it out of the pan frist (hey it's Yoko) but then the Beatles came rushing twards her, 'cause it was their favroite kind of pie and tey Had forgotten to get in the bunny...... (that me finshed)............... (back to you)............. (all your's).............. (is someone going to take over here or do I have to keep doing this the rest of my life?).................. (oh well)........................

But there was no holy grail! So John went on a Magial mystery tour of Milwaukee. He decided Milwaukee was even MORE boring than England! I know it sounds impossible, But England ISN'T the most boring place! Idaho is! So John then realised that meg was fed to little Kinky boot beast babies, who were just slightly annoying slippers. But the now regurgitated Meg ran away, as the DREADED VACUUM SUCKER was coming! Meg found George and George was talking to Ravi the Perplexing Human Screw. She saw Nicole2 there also. She thought that this was Pepperland, but it was really India. (Here's a Geography lesson: Pepperland and India are really the same place!) Nicole2 and meg decided to run away, as Ravi was perplexing them. So then a dog with wings called Linda flewin and took them to: A Circle K! John was at the Circle K. He was drinking a raspberry Slurpee which made his toungue blue. He showed his toungue to meg and Nicole 2, who were very impressed. Nicole2 got pissed when the zitty teenager said they didn't sell bagels here. Then she realised that the Circle K was composed of bagels! Then Yoko came in and stole all the Slurpees and told Nicole2 to stop eating the wall. Then the Blue Meanies turned Yoko to stone, but Sgt. Pepper came in and made her better. And they were happy, but only teporarily because mosquitoes were coming in through the hole Nicole2 ate in the wall. But the hole was Really in Ringo's pocket. Hmmm......

so they got into the bunny and magically re-apeared in Number 2 studio at Abbey Road. they all just sat there, except for paul and annie who were being cool, and rebuilding a new magic taxi, when all of a sudden ringo yelled out " I WANT A PIE!!!" "good idea, Ringo me old scout" said Paul as he picked up annie and they all ran down to the pie shop screamiong "HONEY PIE , HONEY PIE" in weird voices. but when they got there, they were struck domb by a terrible sight. what they saw was... ( oveer to you)

Hey! Whatever happened to the Beatles getting into a car crash? I thought Paul ran into a brick wall. And he did! Get back to that!!!!

So Paul ran into a brick wall. "Ow," said Paul. Then his contact lens got sucked up his eyelid and it went into his brain. Poor Paul can't talk in complete sentences anymore! So George asked, "are you allright?" And Paul Said, "I'm..." but he couldn't finish because he had a contact lens in his brain. Paul tried to write a song and it went: She loves. She. You. Yeah yeah. You think. Lost. Saw her Yesterday. You. thinking of. Say. And the whole song had chuks cut out of it because of the contact lens. But a little guy crawled into his head and fixed the contact lens so it made Paul write better. That's why on Revolver Paul has a guy coming out of his ear.

Meanwhile Lauren decided to handcuff Ringo to a blender. Ringo said, "E=Mc2" and he knew he was onto something but he didn't know what. Then the Zohar appeared and said, "Challah brings nourishment to the world." Ringo was not Jewish so he didn't know that Challah was a yeast-leavened egg bread. Just then a voice said to Paul, "Why haven't Regis and Kathy Lee won an Emmy?"

Meanwhile, back to Ringo. Ringo sensually embraced Abbie. They loved each other. So Ringo got married to Abbie, ignoring the fact that he was already married to Maureen. So Abbie and Ringo and the chair all went on a honeymoon. The chair got in the way but they didn't care. Just then a huge cowboy appeared and said, "SOMEDAY YOU'LL REGRET THIS!!!" Then Abbie tried to sacrifice Ringo to the blender! What will they do?

Ringo and Abbie were quite happy, as were Paul and Annie, and John and Meg, but who was George with? John offered to share Meg, but Meg wouldn't allow it. George wanted to go to India again so they all got on a plane, and when they got off, they were greeted by a man who said, "Welcome to Indiana!" "Oops," said John, then, "Oh no! George is going to freak out!" George began to shake violently. "INDIANA?" he said. "Quick," said Ringo, "Give him some acid!" Paul got George on an acid high and everything was back to normal; well, sort of.

The only problem now was that Abbie was still pushing Ringo toward the blender, and they had to get out of indiana. So they went to Vermont and hid on a green mountain. But the blender followed! And Abbie's eyes were giving insane looks. da da da daaaaaaaaaaa!

NO! Not when Paul RAN into the wall!!! I was talking about Paul purposely crashing his car into a wall, 22 paragraphs above.

OK!! Paul purposely crashed his car into the wall, and Ringo and George had to go to the hospital because they were in coma's. John had to stay home a few days to heal his cuts and bruises. So Paul went to Abbey Road Studios by himself. "Where are the other lads??" asked George Martin. "They're gone!! Now I'M the one who's in power!! Everyone must listen to ME!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!"

"You're fired." George Martin replied and kicked Paul out of the studio.

Paul wandered aimlessly for about a week when he all of a sudden ended up in norway, olso to be specific, and there was Meg standing in front of him. "Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked her. "I ran off and became a supermodel. Come up to my apartment." Paul followed her only to find John up there asleep in the bath. "Do you know what you've missed since you've been gone?" asked Meg. "John became the Prime Minister of Great Britain. Ringo smashed his blender and remarried Maureen. George got and the marharishi are in a fight. And you've been on the front page of every newspaper because you've been missing!" "Whoa," said Paul. Just then John woke up, came over and said "Hey Paul." Paul collapsed from exhaustion.

Then Abbie got really pissed at Ringo because A:Ringo remarried Maureen or B: she had a thing for the blender. Ringo didn't know which. The much infuriated Abbie, backed by all three Nicoles, chased Ringo around a desalinazation plant. Ringo cried, "NOOOO!" and proceded to fall into a vat of salt, nose first (Ringo, if you hadn't noticed, got his original nose back). Abbie realised how much she didn't want to hack Ringo into pieces. She dived into the salt too, and her ears got clogged up with salt. Nicole1 and Nicole2 jumped in too, but Nicole3 was allergic to salt so she slit her wrists. Whatever will Abbie and Ringo do???!?!

But what about Harry Nillson? And May Pang? And why did George go to Indiana? And doesn't everyone think Abbie is 10 pounds of hipness in a 5 pound bag? I sure DO!

I THINK ABBIE IS SEXY!!

I like Abbie too. But what happened to the wizard?

The wizard got eaten by a set of keys. Someone PLEASE write more about Abbie. (She's immortal, you know!)

Okay, more about Abbie. Because she is so powerful, being that she IS immortal, she went to the apartment to wake up Paul. "I think he's in a coma," said Meg. Abbie used her magic powers and Paul woke up. Then she and Meg went to get some tea. They were the best of friends after that. And now that Paul was back to normal, he and Annie (is it still annie?), Ringo and Abbie, and Prime Minister John Lennon and his wife Meg all went to see George who was still hiding in the Vermont mountain. When they arrived, he was sitting with a griffin named Aggamemdoggadofortablegoshipooh. He was the maharishi's pet griffin, and since he and George are still not speaking (because he thought George came to India way too much) George figured he'd take it. Hmmmm....

Can I marry George? PLEASE?!

Please, girls, let's stop fighting over marrying the beatles. It's ANNOYING! Let's make up a story for once. No more wives new wives.

Yeah, let's make a new story.

So, John decided to go to Antartica. When the others heard that they all decided to go too. They took a plane that was playing a movie called A Good Night's Day. Ringo saw the title and thought it sounded cool so he decided to start saying that from now on. But then he got confused and said it backwards. But that was ok, they wrote a hit song from it. Then suddenly George let out a truly evil cackle. The others were very surprised, since George never TALKED, let alone cackle!! Then George said "I rigged the plane, it's gonna blow up in 5 minutes and there's only one parachute, and it's MINE!! ALL MINE!!" and he cackled again. The others started laughung, George looked so funny laughing like that!! But that made George mad and his eyes turned red with fury. "ENOUGH!! I'm tired of everybody making fun of me!! Bye!!" and with that he jumped out of the plane. "Oh no, what are we gonna do??" quivered paul. John said, everybody hold on to me and jump. So they did.

FUCKING HELL YOU BASTARDS!

Screamed George when he saw them land safely on the ground.

Back to Abbie. John said a few choice words and got excommunicated, so he isn't Prime Minister anymore. Abbie went Drag racing with Paul and George. Paul got married to Abbie and they ran off to Wonderland. But What happened to Ringo? And isn't he still handcuffed to a chair?

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Last updated on May 14, 1998