Bagism: Library

In Our Own Write - Chapter 3


In Our Own Write is an interactive story YOU create. But don't worry, you won't have to write the whole thing yourself. You can can contribute as much or as little as you'd like. The idea is to build on whatever was written before, a little at a time. The specifics of the story is completely up to you, but the main theme should have something to do with John Lennon.

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But the Beatles could care less about Oasis' problems. They had problems of their own to attend to. They were scheduled to go to Hamburg in 2 days and they still had no drummer! Fortunately, they knew a guy who knew a girl who knew a lady who ran a club in her basement. It turns out that her son, Pete Best, was a drummer.

Pete was busy baking bread when the Beatles came over. Sourdough was his specialty, but he also made a decent Rye. Never one to mince words, John said "You wanna bake bread all your life or do you want to make some?"

"It's not money that make me what I am, it's what I am that makes money," replied Pete.

Looking quite puzzled, Paul said "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, but I thought it sounded quite distinguished like" answered Pete in his most distinctive Scouse accent. "What did you guys have in mind anyways?"

"We're off for Hamburg in two days to play at the Kaiserkellar," said John. "We need a drummer. And the fact that you bake bread could come in really handy in a pinch. We'll have to give you a quick audition before we accept you though. Do you also bake cookies and cakes or do you just know bread?"
"I can bake anything! I may specialize in bread, but I can also bake deliciouse souffle, resembling a lead puck. If you are ever privelleged enough to taste one, don't swim for at least 24 hours, you may sink, especialy you Ringo, you look a little pudgy. ", Said Pete. The Beatles were all thinking how exceptionaly useful lead pucks were in thug-town Hamburg. "Egad! Well please come and join us,"Said George but Ringo said "I don't like 'im" and john Said"Now don't get sulky like" And Paul just looked on and grinned his big dorky smile. Well they all went to Hamburg, packing Pete in a suitcase because ringo was a very closed minded person when he wanted to be, and he held out against Poor Pete. Instead they dressed up one of Pete's souffles and threw it to their rabid fans, thus saving themselves a great deal of bodily damage, though a few fans sustained severe internal bleeding.

(Author's Note-Okay,Okay, I won't put anything bad about oasis again.I just don't think it is justified to write about them when all they do is talk bad about the Beatles "We are better than the Beatles ever will be" Yeah Right.Don't think I am making this up because I just don't like them.That is not true-I used to like them a lot,hell I bought their CD, but after I heard that crap I gave it to my mom for her HEY JUDE 45.That is almost sacreligious to bash the Lads-they are geniuses!!!! Anyway,truce let's just live in peace like John wanted-okay.My sincere apologies to those I offended.Now let me get my self out of jail---) One day,Eddie Vedder came to visit aa friend in prison and saw Joplin there.So he wisked her away in his arms to a tropical paradise where they had 4 beautiful boys together and many dogs.

One of those dogs happened to Sabarglo, the Incredible flying dog! So he wisely made the decision to fly out of Pearl-Jam land and into Beatle-Land. "Ruff-Ruff, Ruff-Ruff", he said. Then he started to bark to the tune of the "da-da dada da" parts in "Flying". He then landed on the Magical Mystery Tour-Bus.

The dog decided to take the bus back in time to late 1964, to stop the Beatles from recording "Mr. Moonlight". because Mr. Moonlight sux. "But I like that song!!" John protested. and the rest of the world yelled, "we think it sux!" so he didn't record it. After that, when they came back with the tour bus they had lots and lots of tape, so Paul edited it while the other Beatles smoked some pot on a hill. There was a fool there who said there were voices in his head and he could see the world spinning round and the sun going down or something like that, but The Beatles just ignored it. When Paul heard about it, he made a song. After the tape that Paul edited was played in black and white, everyone said it sucked. Poor Paulie. After that they were depressed so they went to India and then they made the White Album, which totally rules. "EVERYBODY'S GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY MONKEY!!!!!" screamed John, which totally confused everyone but was still pretty cool.

The bus stopped and the dog fell out. Oh boy! He was on Penny Lane! He walked along the lane until he saw Mister Postman delivering letters. He ran up and bit poor Mister Postman right on the leg! Mister Postman screamed and the dog ran off. "Help!" he cried to four lads walking down Penny Lane. "Help! I need somebody!" John said, "Don't we all, Mister Postman? What do you need? Do you have a letter, a letter for me? Please Mister Postman!" When, for no reason whatsoever, Oasis pranced down the street, in tu-tu's, and did the dance of the Sugarplum faires..............do, do do do dodododododo.............. "That's pretty gear," said Paul, pulling out his tu-tu as well......Then all 4 Beatles joined the Sugarplum fairy dance with Oasis........

*ROTFLMAO* Yes, Liam, Noel, Paul McGuigan, Paul Aurthus, and Alan White, and Paul, and John, and George,and Ringo all decided to shake their groove maker in the middle of a public street. "Hit it!!" said Paul jumping up on his tippie toes. Noel who was also in his tu tu stood next to Paul and started to sing the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. John looked at Paul and Noel who were hoping gleefully down the streets of Hamburg. "You know" John said looking at Ringo. "Paul and Noel are kinda hairy....." John said adjusting his tu tu. "Your right" Ringo said twirling around in a circle with his finger on his head. "PAUL!!!!!" John yelled. Paul twirled down the street bax by down by John. "Yes John" said Paul dipping into George's arms. "I thinx you...uh...need to...uh...wear underwear next time" John said as George started to dance with Paul. "I'M FREE AS A BIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Paul yelled twiriling down the street to Liam, Noel, Bonehead, Guigs and Alan who were all holding hands and dancing around in a cirlce......
What they didn't know, is that they were doing a gypsy chant, and were summoning the soul of Brian Epstein...

Brian came dancing down the street in an purple tutu. "Brian!" cried John. "you're here!" "Of cource I am," replied Brian, "How would you like it if I was your manager?"

...And how would you like it if we all took off these ridiculous tutus. I mean c'mon guys! Be men! The Beatles and Oasis(who just can't seem to stay out of this story) said, sure, you can be our manager. Brian said, "Okay, but that Liam fellow has really got to go, seeing as he's just a big jerk and doesn't do anything save singing, which Noel can do just fine." And Noel said, yeah that's fine, so they hooked him up with Yoko and that solved lots of problems.

That's when Red Rose Speedway jumped in, and saved Noel from Yoko, because Noel was a sweetie, and couldn't bare to see him given to her.......So RRS grabbed Noel, and they became married....

But no one cares because Ringo is the Starr of this story.

Ringo and george got dressed in Hula skirts and coconut bikini tops.
Then the REAL George and Ringo came downstairs and found their cross-dressing imposters!

"Ahem." said George in that way you do when you don't know what to say. "This is odd" Ringo observed. "Especially when all you read is the last line of the story."

So since Ringo didn't know of anything else to do, everybody decided to go visit Elvis.

But Elvis was busy at Nixon's house, badmouthing the Beatles. So Ringo deceided to find Sabarglo (that incredible flying dog from a few paragraphs back). But try and try and search and search as he may, he couldn't find the dog, because the poor little carnivore was dead. I mean, flat-out deceased, not breathing, etc. (see Python for details).

Of course, this event shocked and stunned the Beatles, all of them being great animal lovers (but not lovers of Oasis, *especially* George). All four men sat on the curb, eyes downcast in sorrow and trying to control their emotions.

(sorry, boo-boo!)

"We had more fun when we were dancing about, all fairy-like," pointed out George, the pragmatic one. "Yes, but those outfits don't cover much," pointed out Paul, the keen observer and businessman. "And that's not good for the cold spell we've been having in this country."

"What does it matter?" sniffled John. "We can't find the dog!"

"Maybe we can make a song out of this experience," suggested Paul hopefully, with a hint of desperation.

Ringo looked at him sourly. "Can't you let it drop, Paul? I mean, not everything is material for a song, whack!"

(sorry, boo-boo again...I never learn.)

"Written any songs about Mary and her little lambs lately?" gulped John, with a watery attempt at a smile. However, it failed, and he ducked his head again. "Man, that made me think of dead animals...!" Obviously, he hadn't cheered himself up.

Paul became a little huffy at this. "Well, if you don't want to write songs with me," he glared at his three bandmates, "then I'll just go off and start LIPA and get a knighthood! So there!" He got up and began to stomp off down the road as the other three laughed hysterically.

"Fat chance!" sneered John.

"The cheek of 'im!" grumbled Ringo.

"Well, you never know," said George, pragmatically. "He's surprised us before, has Paul!"

"Oh, then let's go back and visit Oasis!" some great ghost from beyond said. "Wot! A ghost from beyond? Shouldn't that be me? Wot is going on?" Eppy said. "Well, no, you are not from beyond, because you are most definitely NOT being a yond, so then you can't beyond." the ghost said.

Everything wasn't right. So Doctor Robert stopped by. Accidently he through acid all over the floor.Suddenly Lucille Ball dropped in and her diamond bracelette was in the sky, She floated upward. "Oh no" blurted out Dr. Robert. "Lucy is in the sky with diamonds!"Then Dr Robert poured yellow matter custard. And lucy was on the ground and she turned into Yoko. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" said Yoko what am I doing with diamonds.Then Eppy saw he was in a tutu and he said "I thought no one was supposed to know about---"Lucy in the sky with diamonds!" Said John to Yoko " Sounds like an excellent song" about LSD. Then Eppy was peppy.

Meanwhile, It turns out Sabarglo (the flying dog) wasn't dead, he was only sleeping. So he flew back to Magical Mystery Land, Barking his favorite song, "Flying".

Noel galleghar, who happened to passing by heard the dog barking flying. "that's a good tune," he thought, not realising it was a beatles song, "I'm gonna use it myself. Who's gonna know?" And with that, Noel wrote Supersonic, and later got sued by Apple for mega bucks

But when Apple heard of this, instead of sueing Noel Gallagher, they signed him as one of their acts...... And Supersonic was released as a single, and everyone in Mr.Happy land liked it, and thought it was a gear tune....And The Beatles thought Noel was a genus........... ",Said Al Goldman, who always makes up stuff!

Sabarglo then flew over to Goldman and bit his butt! "OUCH!", Goldman Yelled. "Woof!", Sabarglo barked.

Then the blue meanies came and ate Al Goldman, and Liam hopped in and helped the Blue Meanies, then the Blue Meanies crowned Liam "King Of the Blue Meanies" ALL HAIL THE KING OF THE BLUE MEANIES......

One day John met Algernon. "May I call you Algy, Algy?" John asked. "Yes," said Algy,"I want a bean feast." So John gave Algy a bean feast and invited the other Beatles, Yoko, and a few random people on the street- Nita, Kristy, Jennifer-Paul, Emily, and Lora. "I'm a Manilooney!!!" cried J-P, Emily, and Lora. John asked what that was. "Maniloonies are Barry Manilow 'Dead Heads'" "Are you Lennonloonies, also," asked Yoko. "YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!" Then Ringo said "Bugger" and ate a pie.

Only it wasn't a pie.

It wasn't a pie at all. Actually more of a pudding, which tasted not entirely too bad. All of a sudden, for no reason, George blurted out, "So John, what's the true meaning of life?" John collected his thoughts and adjusted his glasses. "It's quite simple, actually. You see, there's the unchanging cosmic laws which govern us all. Nothing can be created or destroyed..." Paul interrupted. "Is that why we always hear about Oasis? Even though they're 30 years in the future?" "Ah yes, my friend. Indeed it is. You see, their karma is inexplicably entwined with ours, regardless of what we do! We're powerless to stop the natural flow of the universe." John said. "However, nobody can predict the future! For all we know, Paul might become 'Sir Paul' someday! You never know." Paul laughed. "Ha! I don't think the queen will ever do that. It sounds a bit cheesy. I'm just happy with my MBE!" Then, all of a sudden, without warning, Ringo darted out of the room suddenly...

Ringo came back with a terrible rash. Aparrently, he was allergic to the metal used on his MBE, and so, sadly had to give it away. The rash got worse. Suddenly ringo was in hospital, poor poor ringo. It was his birthday, and he was sick. John wrote a song for Ringo to sing. Actually...he didn't, he wrote a song for HIMSELF to sing, but it was so bad, that he let Ringo have it. "You can sing it on the next album!" said John. And so, Ringo sang Goodnight on the White Album (*oh, why do we like to make up SCANDALOUS LIES up about the beatles?*)

Authours note: this is NOT i repeat IS NOT a story about Oasi-whatever those wanna-be's name is- so why can't you people just keep them OUT of the story? Go to a wanna-be page! Get a life! Anyway, one day John and Paul decided to take Yoko and Linda on a trip to see Hamburg. Ofcourse Linda still hadn't forgotten about Yoko breaking her favorite ornament for something Yoko called "destruction and reconstruction art", but never the less, they started off on their journey. It proved to be a very bad idea because the minute John, Paul, Linda and Yoko were seated on the plane, Linda turned around and hit youko over the head with a........

SORRY, EVERYONE TOTALLY IGNORE WHAT I JUST WROTE UP ABOVE, I ADDED ON TO THE WRONG PART OF THE STORY. GO FROM THE PART WHERE RINGO GET'S TO SING GOODNIGHT!!!! SORRY!!!! ", yelled some guy.

Anyway, the Beatles ignored this looney tune, and hopped on Sabarglo's back to fly far far away. They ended up somewhere in New Mexico. As their plane was coming in for a landing, they saw some people on the runway. They were unable to get out of the way in time. Every one got out to see who they killed, there were several little pairs of feet sticking out, all wearing ruby sandals. Lots of little munchkins ran out and rejoiced about the wicked Oasis of the East being squished.

And then, the magic Sugarplum fairy came and tapped her magic wand, and the person that wrote 3 paragraphs above, *blipped* off the face of the earth.....And The Beatles went on partying......YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.....

With Oasis PERMANENTLY gone forever, there was much rejoicing. "Let's have a party now!" John cheerfully announced. "That sounds great!" said Paul. Linda agreed, "Fine with me." Everyone seemed enthusiastic about the party except for Yoko. "What's wrong, my love?" asked John. However, Yoko didn't answer. "C'mon, dear, we didn't fly all this way for nothing! What's wrong?" John grew more concerned. Then Yoko spoke up. "I'll tell you what's wrong, John..."

"... we never do anything together anymore. I feel so... left out. You're always busy with the other Beatles, with no time for Yoko. Yoko is in last place." John was really upset by this. "Oh no, Yoko! That isn't true! I love you more than anything! Please don't feel unwanted!" John put his arm around Yoko, trying to cheer her up. "You know, Yoko, I've got the answer! Why don't we take off alone--take a trip somewhere far away--we'll be together all alone again--like we used to in the early days!" Just then Ringo spoke up. "You know John, what you said would make great song lyrics! It's like you two are starting over again!" "You're daft, Ringo!" laughed John as he and Yoko began packing their bags.

Yoko said she didn't want to go, so she told John to go whit May, he didn't want to but, how could he win with Yoko. So Yoko sent out Christmas cards to all the little people thanking them for making her more money.

But Ringo didn't want them to leave him all alone so he put himself in a suitcase and when Ringo was put in the cargo bay, where Sabarglo (that flying dog) happened to be.

The man on the flying carpet returned and said, "you are now Beetles with an 'a'", and so they were. John, who was the most dissapointed with this label, became well acquainted with the touch of a velvet hand like a lizard on a window pane, and hid everything except his monkey.

Suddenly (and to all the disgust of all the presents) it was the next day. John removed his overcoat, unfortunately he removed it from a lamp post, and everybody saw the light. He looked at the phone number that was written on the palm on his hand - should he call? He was in two minds, luckily none of which were his own. He looked at the number again - it was 911 - he may have dialed, but he could not spell the number nine, and anyway, it would probably be asnwered by an answering machine. He got his wallet, found his coat and grabbed his hat, and closed the front door of his house behind him - he was finally inside. The house was decorated in an odd shade of yellow that the man in the shop had pretentiously called purple. Suddenly a rush of screaming fans almost suffocated him all asking if he would like their autograph, he responded regretfully that his autograph book was full of breakfast, and promptly tore them lamb from lamb, which would make a good casserole, if only barely bordering on the macrobitoic. He swolled his pride, but knowing fall well that pride comes before a full, he promptly fell and vomited it all back up, forming an Oasis of sick on a lime green carpet. The fall was not serious, yet the doctor told him he would have to spend the rest of his life in ebriated. He fingered a cheese role but thought better of it. But a it gave him a revelation. "I think i'm Cheeseus!", John proclaimed. "Hear, have some pie", said Paul.

"Whoa! am i getting incoherent or what?" Said John. "Yes, you are rather", said Paul, "but then, when all the LSD in the world is is your head it does take a remarkable man, like me, to remain coherent. Whoa! Am I getting snotty or what?",said Paul. "RATHER! ", said Ringo, "but then, when you do have all the money in the world it does take an extraordinary man, and aren't i A fine example, to remain relatively grounded. My Goodness! aren't I being hypocritical or what?" "I should say you are", said George, but then, The Beatle Karma has been rather extra ordinary and doesn't it take a rather pudding headed remarkable work of the one god, and I fit that category perfectly, to always believe that the Karma religion to which one such would subscribe would never allow one to be hypocritical. Lads perhaps we should break up.

Only it wasn't a pie.

[I think the auther has had a little too much rum and coke...get back to the story...}

So John deceided to get a new pie. So he looked for a pie with a rosemberry roof. A pie with a flaming flavored tooth. A pie like no pie has ever been pied before.

Paul was looking for a pie too. One pie struck his fancy. it was a nice, flaming hot, cherry. "Hmmmmmm, cherry pie, you are making me crazy, i'm in love and i'm hungry, so im gonna take you home", said Paul.

Then Paul stopped what he was doing, for he saw his most favorite of all- Honey Pie. He wanted to buy it, but the shop was closed for New Year's. All he could do was scream " You are driving me frantic!"

But all he got was some Scambled Eggs. "Dammit!" he shouted. I hate scrambled eggs! I had them Yesterday!" He ran off, taking his LSD under the sea, and got high in Ringo's Octopus' garden, which in fact was a seahorse farm. Mean while, John was looking in his drawers for his LSD. "WHO NICKED MY LSD!" he shouted! He looked at Yoko, who was in bed. And he said, "Oh nevermind, lets take off our clothes, and pose nude for the cover of the L.P. we're going to do..."

So, while John and Yoko stood in front of a camara, rather nakedly, George took off for India, and Ringo did whatever it is he does while everyone else is abroad.(Pauls still off in......out there). So then the idea came to someone that it would be nice to own an island. And all the Beatles, and Mal Evens (their trusty roadie, aka 5th magician, who by no means was Oasis in any shape or form), and any wives or girlfriends that could fit on a boat took off to try on some islands.

The first island the found was Helter skelter. It wasn't exactly what they thought. It was only a long staircase to the sky. No flowers no girls, no fun so they continued their trip. The next island was called diamond sky and it was wonderful. Flowers, marmalade skies. But only one girl. Lucy and she was not much fun. She was extremely grumpy and boring so they left.

The next Island was some weird name that they couldn't pronounce, and it was filled with lovely streams and woods and fountians and all that. John thought that there was a bunch of girls at this fountian, so the Fab Four (and Mal) snuck up to it and ended up watching a large group of extremly beautiful girls bathe. As they were watching, the large man who was dressed in weird Siamese clothes came up and said. "YOU HAVE SEEN SHIEK RAHAMN'S HAREM GIRLS! YOU WILL NOW DIE!" He drug them off to a very ordanite hall in front of a very short guy who was Shiek Rahamn. George said "There must be some kind of mistake. We didn't know." But the Shiek didn't believe them, and he had them locked up in the dungeon to be exucted at dawn. (that seems to be the best time.) Suddenly, a Harem girl(whose name was Jaina) who had gotten tired of Harem life and who had noticed the Beatles, came and saved them (and Mal). They all (including Jaina) ran to their boat and went to find another island.

That's when Paul came up with the "brilliant" idea to open up a hotdogless, hotdog resturaunt! "But if there's no dog what do we eat?" a hungry Ringo asked.

"We'll put carrots in the middle instead!" Linda chimed in! " She's off 'er bloody rocker!" John said under his breath, but unfortunately, Paul heard him. "What did you say?" Paul said furiously. "Ummm......ummmm....." John thought quicky "ummm.....I need to find my locker!" (not a very brilliant reply) "I know what you said you @#%$^$^ Paul said as he lunged for John's....

Then Sabarglo (the flying dog) grabbed John and flew him to safety.

The dog dropped John onto an odd planet called LSD. The dog died and yellow matter custard started raining from the sky. Then George stopped by in his uniform and visor "better pay up cause I'm the taxman" he said. Than Yoko stopped by amd she said "I know what it is to be sad".Everyone dropped onto the ground. And John said "Don't spoil my day I'm miles away".

(Jude comes along, and askes... What the heck??? A dog, a PIE???? I knew I should have never left this story for ONE MINUTE!!!!!) Well, by now, the guys figured to try something different (If they haven't already..) "Yes yes lads, I think I have a superb idea now then, yes?" John lit up. "Well, John, love, what is it???", asked Sir Paulie? "It's, HEY, WAIT, you're PAUL!?", John asked quite confused... "Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce meself, I'm Sir Paul McCartney, of a parallel universe. Don't kid yourself, I still remember everything!" "A knight, aye?" "Sure, I got it some years later, or is that earlier?" "Well, nice to see you again, or just see you, Sir James Paul McCartney, M.B.E.!" "Thank you John! Anyway, what is this superb idea??" "To run naked throught the streets, from London to Liverpool, the United States, India, and spread our LOVE!!!!" "UUmmm, that's nice John, ummm, IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!!!! What's gotten into YOU????????!" "Caffeine." Ringo, still off in his sad world, acknowledged his presence by adding, "I still have a hole in me pocket." "That you do, son", John said.... (Back to you)

Not only does Ringo have a hole in his pocket, but John has an imagery of peole sharing the world in peace, & giving peace a chance. Paul is asying hey to Jude and John is still spredding his renowned phlisophy: "love is all you need". (How true)

(Gee, this sound like yet another cheesy wrap-up line. BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN!) Suddenly the Harem girl (after being punished by Rahamn) fell out of a passing cloud and landed on Ringo, bringing him out of his slump. "You!" Paul said, and pointed at Jaina (the Harem girl) "Me!" Jaina said and John said "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together." Yoko came up and said "Come on, John, let's go spread the Love..." But John, who was putting his clothes on, said, "Nah. Can't we do something different?" Yoko went into a rage and started shouting inchoerently, so George pushed her into the river. (which just happened to be nearby.) "HEY! WHY YOU SKINNY LITTLE...&*@^^#@*" John shouted and lunged at George went that flying dog flew between them. Jaina got tired of the violence and left, but she took Paul's watch with her...

But then suddenly Sabarglo dropped John by mistake, right into furious Paul's arms. "what are you doing, talking about Linda that way, man!" Paul yelled as he...

...ran after that Harem girl who had stolen his watch.

yes, Paul had finally decided to leave Linda with the sheep and move on to better things.....like catching that beatiful Harem girl! "wait for me! I LOVE you!" Paul screamed as he ran down the beach. "what about me?" Linda started to cry. "Your job is to take care of the sheep, go on!" said john who was never to fond of linda in the first place. "Good idea!" Linda (not being the BRIGHTEST of people) yelled as she ran home to make sure no one was harming her poor baby sheep. Meanwhile Paul had caught up to the Beautiful Harem girl whose name was Annie. She realized she loved him too so she gave him back his watch. as they walked down the beach, hand in hand, Paul suddenly realized something, "what are we going to do now?" he asked Annie. "Well, we could....

go visit the beautiful people in New York". Paul thought that was a gear idea. So the next day, Annie and Paul hopped aboard a plane that was set to land in New York at 5:00am. Or at least that's what they thought. A terrible storm developed and the plane was struck by lightning. "Paul is dead! Paul is dead!" the newspaper headlines yell. But is he? "I buried Paul", said John,"and George ate him". "George ate him?" the public asks. "Of course he did, after all, George likes Savoy Truffles".

The press was very interested in this whole death of Paul thingee, so went to get Ringo's expert opinion. "Well, Pepsi's definately better than Coke (the drink)." So they moved on to George, aka the cannibal. But George had gone off to see all his Guru friends in India. Mal wandered off.

And, sadly, they all managed to get their hands on Jolt Cola at the same time.

Then, all of a sudden, Lovely Rita popped out of the clouds. "Greetings, John Lennon! You have just won a ticket to (dum-de-dum-dum-DUM) the planet Zippy!" "Is there love there?" John replied. "Yes.........................................." Lovely Rita said, "but you should talk to our travel guide, Sergeant Pepper." "Well, goodbye." John said and jumped up using his superior powers of HAIR and GRANNY GLASSES and PEACE and LOVE and SALT and RAIN and RUSSIA and ATLANTIS and please do not ask me what I'm talking about. Thank you very much.

yes. John used all those powers.-?????-- Anyway, John went there and liked it so much that he realized that all he needed was love. So he, as usual, wrote a song. Meanwhile, back in London, the media was going potty with the 'Paul Is Dead' theory. Since the beautiful island girl Annie had been the last person to see him 'alive' they decided to ask her a few questions. "what was the last thing Pual said before he died?"...

"He said that he 'was going out for a lovely walk in a lovely park'. That's all." The Harem girl, whose name was JAINA(see the paragraph about Shiek Rahamn), not Annie, who really liked John, not Paul. John came back from that planet and Immeaditatly got reBeatlenapped by a great big... Gallophhius. (Author's Note: I have no Idea what a Gallophhius is. YOU decide.)

A Gallophhius is a man-eating pie, or is it a Pie-eating man, well anyway, John zapped the Gallophhius right between the eyes. And then John ate the pie.

And Annie (who suddenly realized she WAS in love with John, not Paul) realized she must do something about the, uh, Gallophhius (I think that's what it was). So she ran off to Pepperland and hit the Gallophhius over the head, and brought John back to London where YOKO was waiting for him! When she saw John and Annie holding hands, she had a fit and pulled all of her hair out. But this time John decided he'd had enough! "You're too possesive!" he yelled at Yoko "Besides, Annie is more gear (not to mention better looking) than you'll ever be!" Seeing the uncertain look on Yoko's face he added "Besides, SHE has hair!" Not a very brilliant one, John! but then he decided he needed to get away from Yoko- FOREVER, and be with Annie. So he, Annie, Paul and Jaina decided to take a trip to the far away land of... ..............HULABULOOGA!

Hulaboolga(I think that's it.) is a place known for its highly intelligent flying dogs. (It's were Sabargo {or whatever his name is} is from) Anyway, Paul and Jaina were walking down Main Street when they decided that they should buy a flying dog. They did, then took it back to show Annie and John, who thought he (the flying dog) was real cute, so they went and got one too. John and Annie named their dog Karma and Paul and Jaina named their dog.. .........Ralf.

But, as you can imagine, Sabarglo got jeleous. So, to calm himself down, he started playing with his Albert Goldman and MDC chew toys.

Anyways, after Sabby ripped up those chew toys, the Beatles noticed something incredibly wrong. Very incredibly terriblely wrong. The worst thing that could possibly happen. Yes, the Beatles WERE OUT OF PIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" screemed Ringo. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", yelled John. "THIS ISN'T HAPPENING" , cried George. "TELL ME IT ISN"T SO!!" exclaimed Paul.

So, after 36 hours of greiving for the pies, the Beatles went to their favorite shop,"The Pie and Jelly Baby Market".

Within seconds, Sabarglo entered the room with carrying a coupon in his mouth. "What's this?" asked John. "It looks like--a coupon for a FREE PIE!" "Oh happy day!" exclaimed Ringo. George, however, being the more practical one, said, "That's fine, but how are we getting to the store? We don't have a car!" "Who needs a car?" laughed John. "I have an even better idea..."

"We're already at the Pie and Jellybaby Market" said Paul. "Opps, forgot", Said John.

"Hey, and look at you," said George to Sabarglo. Sabarglo looked at himself. "Is there something in my teeth?" he asked. "No, it's just funny how often you die, and yet you still come to save us." said George. "Ah, forget your friggin' philosph, and let's get some pies," said John. So they pulled Paul's face off the window and went inside.

"Yer right. But can we still use the coupon?" asked John, trying to redeem himself. "Probably," said Paul. "But first we have to decide what kind of pies we want!"

So the Beatles entered the shop, and gasped in amazement. "I'm in Heaven!", exclaimed John. All the pies you could or couldn't think of. but there was one pie that struck their eyes. The Jelly Baby pie!

"I absoloutely MUST have that pie!!!!!" all 4 of them screamed in unison. when they realized there were four of them and only one pie, problems began to arouse. they all plunged for the pie but...

Yoko shot them all, and took the pie for herself.

but then some voice from above said, "you can't be dead, lad's, it's CYN'S BIRTHDAY!!" all the Beatles stood up. "what were we thinking?" Paul said. "it's cyn's birthday!" George realized. "are we going to a party?" Ringo asked. "yes we're going to a party, party!" John replied. "i would like you to dance" John said to ringo "okay" ringo said and they danced all the way to Paul's London house where the party was. Cyn opened the door and they all came in. They all had alot of fun until Paul realized...

After the police haul off Yoko, they awaken in John's toolshed`. John pick's up Maxwell's Silver Hammer and bats Ringo over the head. Ringo says"What was that for?", and John replies"First of all, you could have stopped Yoko. Secondly you rarely ever sing or right our tunes, we always have to get into the time machine, I have to fake death, and ask child prodigy Ricky Sabella what to right yours and George's song's about!" Paul comes in, stinking of gin, proceeded to lie on the table, yelling "goo goo ga joob!"

And in the Tool shed, John pulls his long hair to reveal that he is wearing a mask. The face under the mask was the handsome child prodigy, Ricky Sabella, of PA. He then said "John couldn't be here today, so he sent your songwriter, me! You see, he is with the time machine, in the year 1980, to prevent his death". Ringo then says "How could a small-town teen from the future write our hits." "Simple", the witty teen snapped back," All I had to do is IMAGINE INSTANT KARMA". Paul says " I need edible aftershave!". Ricky answers"WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT, Paul.". John enters and says" Thanks for taking my place, Rick." Ricky says" Sure thing, John!" and decends into the time machine. John and Paul now both recall the party, and they fly back.

"What was he talking about John? What about 1980?" asked Paul. "Not to worry," said John with his familiar grin. "I took care of it! ...that's why I was in the time machine." The other Beatles were still confused, but they decided not to mention anything. They were just happy to have their dear friend with them, alive and well. "We don't say it enough, John, but we really appreciate you," said Ringo. Paul and George agreed. "I was thinking the same thing meself, fellas!" John said. He went into the next room and came back with a large gift-wrapped box. "Go ahead! It's for all of you--open it!" The other Beatles began to unwrap the gift from John, only to discover that it was... Nike cross trainers. "I used my American Express to charge against hunger," said John.

Since there's not much to do with shoes except run, the Beatles found a field and did just that. But after a while they got kicked off the field. "Sorry for having fun in your field, mister" said George.

but then cyn walked in and the beatles realized they had just opened HER birthday present. "Oh no" John said looking at the other beatles. " hello, cyn," they all said with guilty smiles. "could you exuse us a minute?" Paul asked her as they all ran into the bathroom. "what are we going to do?" Ringo asked. "We need a birthday present- quick," added John "I wondered why you got us LADIES cross trainers..." said george "I have a plan," said Paul, "a very famous plan" he added as they began to...

As odd as it was, no one had noticed that the Beatles where wearing same suits they had started out in.

but it didn't matter what CLOTHES they were wearing, they needed a birthday present for CYN- right away! " what we can do" Paul began, "is...
anybody going to help us? Wait I have an idea..... ...LET"S BY HER A WHOLE BUNCH OF PIES AND FLYING DOGS!

So, from the selection of 136 vareities of pies the Beatles stored in their Pie Vault (they restocked during the Jellybaby Pie Incident), They chose Choclate Cream Pie. "MMMM, can smell that pie goodness!", said Ringo. "Let's get this pie to Cyn before we decide to eat it ourselves!", Said John. The Beatles also got a Flying puppy, and decided to let Cyn name it. So with that, the headed to Cyn's magical palace next to the fields of strawberrys.

Everything went quite well with Cyn's little (or was it large?) get together, and the Beatles had even changed into some different clothes.

So after that the Beatles carefully got lost. But then they found them selves. So that was that. And John asked Cyn," How do you like your pie? How do you like your puppy? What are you going to name it?"

Never Mind.

Cyn loved Never Mind dearly, even though he never did as she said.

"What about the pie?", asked John.

Suddenly, Ringo spoke up. "That's enough! We've been WAY too busy lately! There's too much confusion! We just need some time to rest and relax. We've got a busy month ahead of us, so let's just take a little break!" George nodded in agreement. Paul, however, was a little concerned. "That sounds fine, Ringo, but where are we going?" "I'm glad you asked," said Ringo. "I've made arrangements for all of us to spend the week at the Great Smoky Mountains National Park in Tennessee! That should be far enough away." John became excited at the idea. "Plus, we can have all the pies we want! I can't wait--let's go!!" So all the Beatles began packing for their week's vacation in America...

...They got on the plane. all excited and ready to go. But the plane wasn't going to the Great Smoky Mountains...

...That's right, that plane wasn't headed to were they expected it to. It was headed to (dum de dum dum dum) the Cabbage Patch Place. (that, for all you unknowledged peoples, is where all those corney litte Cabbage Patch Kids coem from.) Anyway, the Beatles got off the plane expecting a nice relaxing weekend in the mountians, and instead found themselves in a feild of cabbages. "Cabbage fields forever." Paul sang. John hit him over the head. "It's STRAWBERRY fields forever. Stop sabatoging my songs!" John said. Ringo, looking to salvage the some what green situation, layed down on a Cabbage leaf. "It's not THAT bad.." he said. George started walking towards him. "Get up!" he said. "Ya never know what'll come outta a cabbage." Suddenly, as if one cue (it was), a nasty little Cabbage Patch Kid (whose name was KiKiManti) grabbed Ringo and flew off with him. "OHNO!" Paul yelled. "HELP HIM!" John Bellowed. "It's got 'Im!" George screamed. "Put me down! Come on, let go!" Ringo pleaded with the Cabbage Patch Kid, but to no avail. Ringo was taken off to...

Gogagobolka. "oh no," Ringo said when he was finally dropped. "those wretche Cabbage Patch kids, now how will i get back?".... MEANWHILE: John, Paul and George got out some pies and forgot all about poor Ringo who was stuck in the land of Gogagobolka. When Ringo was about to give up, and stay in Gogogabolka forever he saw something flying over head! It was...

...none other than Sabarglo the flying dog! "Where did you come from! I thought nobody knew where I was!" Ringo exclaimed with glee. Sabarglo said nothing, but wagged his tail as he took Ringo back to the cabbage patch where the other Beatles were. "Where have you been? We've been worried sick!" said John in a mock-serious voice, looking at his watch. Paul was munching contentedly on his fourth pie. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you..." said Ringo. "Anyway, I'm a bit frustrated! This isn't the Smoky Mountains!" Just then, a mysterious voice said from out of nowhere to say, "You're right, Ringo. This isn't the Smoky Mountains..." All the Beatles dropped their pies and looked up to see the tall figure who was standing over them...

For it was Liam Gallagher, the head of the Blue Meanies.........But his brother, Noel was nowhere in sight, because he was wisked away, when Yoko tried to make her advances on him...... "Hello Beatles," said King Blue Liam, and he smiled, and handed them 4 blueberry pies..

And The 4 Beatles looked at their pies, and then at King Blue Liam......... "They are very good....." Paul said, inspecting his pie.... "Where is your dog friend, I have one for him as well" Liam said.....John was eating the pie with his hands..."hey! this is pretty good!" thanks for the pies mister!!"

So The Beatles ate their pie happily and shared it with Oasis. And everyone was peaceful and loving. Then, Oasis and The Beatles traveled foward in time and made more records for all of John's new, adoring fans and his old ones. Then the green eyed monster of jealousy came over Oasis and they tried to sabotage The Fab Four by taking their pies. Out of nowhere, Nevermind, the flying puppy, comes with Yoko on his back. Yoko starts singing and Oasis disappears at the sound of her voice. Then...... (?) Paul wakes up from this bad dreaM. "John, I had a terrible dream last night", said Paul. "What was it?" asked john. "I dreamed we recorded with oasis!", said Paul. "AHHHHHH!", John screamed. "Let's eat some pies and feed Sabarglo some Flying Dog Food and forget about this dream", said John. "Good Idea", said Paul.

Just as Yoko was finishing her song, Ringo's pet Blender walked in. "I'm leaving!" Blender announced. "Nobody loves me. And don't try and win me back, either, with, "Oh, Blender, come back here, I want a dacquri," or, "Wait, Blnder, where did you t those lite cocktail onions?" because I WON'T BE HERE!!" Ringo scowled. "Well, fine, go, see if I care. You always left chunks in the dacquri's anyway." Paul looked up. "Hey, I liked it chunky!" "Shut up," John said crossly. "Stick your head in a pig," Paul retorted. "I've never seen a gondola with icicles on it before," George commented. "Hey, Ringo, can I torture your blender with some of my really lousy sitar music? Can I, huhuhuhuh? Please?" "I wouldn't curse that on my best enemy," Ringo yelped, shddering at the very thought. All of a sudden, the Beatles slipped into an alternate dimension. "Aha," John thought, spying a lamp. "A lamp. I must use it!" "John, why do you have this obsession with coming after people with lamps?!" Paul whined, running away from the oncoming lampshade. "Good question," George said. "Must've been something he picked up from Yoko." A hockey puck gazed at them from its perch on the mountain. "What a clean old man," Paul exclaimed. "Is he a guru?" George asked excitedly. "He's an American," John said, "What do you think?" "I thought he was a sandwich," Ringo muttered. "I am neither, nor am I sandwich," the puck iformed them. "Isn't that a double negative?" George whispered. The puck sighed. "Why are you three here? I wanted to talk to Ringo!" Ringo stepped up. "I'm really leaving!" Blender clled out from the other dimension. "No joking this time!" "Ringo, you are under arrest for ABUSING APPLIANCES!" the hockey puck yelled. John stared at Ringo in amazement. "And all this time we thought you were just an illterate drummer! You fiend!" "I can too read," Ringo mumbled. Blender appeared at Ringo's feet. "Thirty years of service in that house and THIS is how you repay me," Blender grumbled. "Taken from my cabinet at some ungodly hour of the morning--" "Shut up," Ringo snapped. "HAH!" the hockey puck shouted. "PROOF!" John hefted his lamp, used it as a hockey stick and made a goal with the puck.

WHAM!!! The puck hit Paul right between the eyes and he collapsed. Then the lady from HELP! (who looks like a man) came and "i have some juice" "We'll be having none of that!" John exclaimed. "How do we know you're not just as filthy and sent to knick the ring by filthy and woo us with your filthy eastern ways?!" John blurted out. "What are you TALKING about?" George asked John with a puzzled look on his face. " I have no idea..... we got to get Paul to Doctor Robert's immediately so he can take a drink from his special cup and get well again!" "okay" said Ringo. So they picked up Paul's limp body and set off for Doctor Robert's house...

When they arrived they found that Dr. Robert had already drank all of the liquid in the magic cup! The beatles were devastated. What would happen to poor paul? Suddenly, Dr. Robert had an idea. "A pie!" he said. "Where?" said Ringo. "No! I mean a pie will cure him!" explained the Doctor. "Get that Honey pie over there,"said George. "It's his favorite." And so paul was revived, and they all started a devious plan to banish Oasis from the story forever. Then, suddenly.....

george ( the quiet one, supposedly) yelled "I WANT TO GO TO INDIA!!!!!" George had never yelled before IN HIS LIFE, so the Beatles knew this must be important. so they got their wives and girlfriends and went east. They stayed with Maharishi for many moons until they realized he had lied to them! They realized that he had more to hide than just his monkey. His deep dark secret was...

His pie theivery! Yes, the Maharashi stole pies and ate them with his monkeys!

So they marched down to Maharishi's cabin to set him straight. When they got there, they knocked on the door and he asked them to come in. Everyone did. "we know that you've been secretly stealing our pies and eating them with your hidden monkeys," Paul said to Maharishi. "I don't know what you're talking about," Maharishi said very matter of factly. "You've lied to us" Ringo said." yeah, you said all you hid was your monkeys, when in fact....." John opened the cupboard door and dozens of pies fell out. "Oh my goodness gosh" the Maharishi said when he realized he had been discovered. "We don't like pie-nappers, now do we boys?" John said closing in on Maharishi. But just when they almost had the faulty-guru cornered...

The maharishi pulled on a zipper that had not been noticed before, to reveal that he was not what he appeared to be! He was the head alien of the group of aliens that had captured paul in Chapter one! (and he had a deadly zapper that he wasn't afraid to use) "I need these pies for my people if we are to survive!" he exclaimed. The lads looked at each other in disbelief. They realized that...

...Jaina (that beautiful{and sometimes annoying} Harem girl) fell out of yet another passing cloud, (she LIKES clouds) and land on Maharishi and squiwshed him. (With speed, NOT weight) She got up and saw John (who was her REAL CRUSH) and fainted. (Author's Note: O.K. I should know who the Harem girl likes and what her name is because I AM JAINA. OK, Don't fool with the Character. :)) Anyways, Jaina saw John and fainted. John, feeling guitly ( or just attracted to her) picked her up, so she wouldn't be left in India. "Come on, it's boring here. " Paul said, so they all hopped on a plane and flew to Liverpool. They went to the apartments that the had in Help! and John sat Jaina on his sofa. She woke and her and John started playing guitars together. Yoko came in and saw this and through a fit. Ringo, who was TIRED of her fits, pushed her out of the window and into a passing garbage truck, but John was too preoccupied with Jaina to care. John and Jaina were playing really loudly when all of the sudden...

They woke up. It had all been a (bad?) dream. Well, not all of it...Anyway... The fab four found that they were really in London working on a new song. But then, just a things were getting back to "normal" a big fat marshmallow pie fell on ringo, right in the middle of his drum solo. (all yours)

Ringo had a dazed expression on his face as he staggered away from the drum set. "Wonder where the giant marshmallow pie came from?" asked George (known as the curious Beatle). "I don't know, but it would make a wunderful new song!" John exclaimed. "Yer right, John! Let's start right away!" said Paul. Almost immediately, John leapt for the piano, and began frantically playing a series of unusual chords. Paul went to the drums to make the basic rhythm track. In a moment of inspiration, George began singing as he accompanied himself on sitar. "Marshmallow pie... falling from the sky... Marshmallow pie... we all wonder why"... Suddenly, George Martin ran onto the main floor of the studio. "Hold on! You can't record this!!" he said. "Why not?" asked John...

"Because..."George Martin said. "The Rolling Stones have already written it!" "Oh, NO!" cried the Beatles. "That's AWFUL!" "Well, I guess this means we'll just have to get more CREATIVE," John said. "Hmm....what should we sing about?" "How about BALONEY?"Ringo suggested. "My balaoney has a first name...it's 'R-I-N-G-O!'" "I think that's already a song, Ringo, dear," Paul said. "How about...Thhheeeeerrre was a farmer who had a dog and Pauly was it's name-o! 'P-A-U-L-Y! P-A-U-L-Y!'" "NOOO!!!" shouted the other three.

I love john lennon and may he rest in heaven. c-you there

so george began to weep and could not be consoled because no one had liked his song about the marshmallows. he decided to get some air.

ringo became confused because he did not know what was going on. he gazed at his rings and looked for the answers. and lo and behold, inside one of his rings was his very own beatle friend paul!!! it seems as if paul had somehow gotten stuck inside ringo's ring!!! ringo was shocked and became even more confused. However, he was angry at Paul at the time, so he decided to keep paul in the ring for a while. "this is how you are supposed to play the guitar!" he thundered. paul covered his ears and was sad. he vowed never again to instruct ringo and critisize his drum playing. Starkey, in a fit of frustration, rambled right into an odd sounding version of Yesterday. it was obvious to john that ringo had gotten out of control. he decided to get involved. but he did not want to take sides. After much inner debate, he realized that if he could get Ringo to keep Paul in his ring for just a little bit longer, John could come up with a hit song while Paul was unable and John would have the A side of their next single!!!!! John was happy. so......

oops, sorry about that. (we all shine on) ", said John.

So anyway, Ringo forgave Paul, and let him free. "Thanks Ringo", said Paul. "No Problem", said Ringo,"It's getting stuffy in here, lets go outside." So the Beatles, thinking it was a good idea, went out side, then they saw the most amazing thing in the sky. Was it a ufo? Nope it was something much much better than a ufo. What was it? A gigantic HOVERING PIE. "Woh!", said Paul. "It's as big as a football stadium!", said John. "Scuse me, as I kiss the sky!", said George. "Hey! That's my line!", said Jimi.

THE END OF PIES AS WE KNOW IT", said a loud mouth next to the beatles.

(What's with this "the end" thing?) Anyway...The pie in the sky seemed very familiar to Ringo. Then it dawned on him! This was the same (or very close to it) pie that fell on him after John was born under a light bulb! And it was lemon just like the first one. "yummm" thought ringo. THen something went dreadfully wrong....

the pie crashed to the ground and cot on fire soon the millatiry arived and secritly removed the pie.

but the beatles were very angry- they wanted to EAT the pie. So Linda came in with a machine gun and blew away all the military men. But right while she had been shooting, by mistake she happened to shoot a poor little kangaroo that had been hopping by (they were in Austrailia) When Linda realized what she had done, she...

...plunged to the ground, weeping bitter tears. "Don't worry, my love!" said Paul trying to reassure her. Linda was still crying. "Don't you see what I've done? I killed an innocent kangaroo!" Linda sobbed as Paul tried to comfort her. Just then, John appeared to survey the situation. "Mind if I borrow this for a second?" John asked. "I don't know what you'd want it for, but yeah. Go ahead." said Paul, who was frantically searching for more Kleenexes (which are hard to find in the Outback). John gave out an evil laugh and took the kangaroo with him...

The kangaroo peered up at him curiously. "You're alive!" John exclaimed. His voice was abruptly silenced as the animal began to bounce squarely on his head. A plush yellow bear appeared out of nowhere, followed by a very agitated owl and a scruffy-looking rabbit. "Haallp!" John squawked. "I'm under attack by a mad kangaroo!" "Oh, bother," the yellow bear muttered, scratching his head. "Bother my left foot!" Paul yelled. Linda blinked, her crying momentarily forgotten. "What's that supposed to mean?" "Got me." "FEED ME!!!!!!" The thunderous voice broke through the not-so silent silence. "Okay, John," Paul said nervously, "go reason with the nice monster." "Thank you, no," John retorted, throttling the kangaroo. "FEED ME!!!!!!" "I have a half-dead sandwich in my pocket," Ringo piped up. "WHAT KIND???!!" "Peanut butter and chocolate." "Ecch," George said, giving his unasked opinion. "It's not that bad," Ringo mumbled. "He made the peanut butter in me!" a high voice announced. "You again!" Yes, Blender was back. "Feed Blender to the monster," John suggested. "Go idea--" "NOOOOOO!!! I'll sue--"

blender, being a step ahead of the others, took a short cut across blue jay way and proceeded to disguise himself in the form of a ricecake named martha. the other beatles had no idea where blender had disappeared to, so without further ado, george (martin) appeared and told them to write a song about their mishaps. "let the blender be!!!!" shouted paul.... "john countered. "i am the blender!" he hollered. "blue jay blender?" said george curiously....and then hid himself in the corner of the forrest in order not to be seen for a while. ringo spoke up with "don't pass this blender by" but the other beatles simply chuckled at his silly suggestion and carried on with their business.

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Last updated on May 14, 1998