Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Apr 12, 1998
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Continued from Apr 11, 1998

"John, what in the devils name are you doing?" A rather flabergasted Paul asked."Well, ummm, you see, there is a new conspiracy to steal my pants since I'm such a cool rockstar and all so I kinda thought I'd beat them to it!" "Aggghhhh, you wishing, mate. You ain't no rock-god, I'm the only rock-god in this band!" "oh, yeah, well I'm sick of your no-it-all-British-whining so I quit!" With that, John stormed out.

He walked into the crowded street and for the first time in his life didn't get hit by a street car! "AAAAggghhhhh, good, my lucks changing, first I get out of that cruddy band and then I don't get hit by anything with wheels or a motor!Then he got run-over by a hungarian yak wearing blue polka dot bellbottoms, a fluro-pink boob tube and cheap,plastic jewellry!

"aaaagggghhhh CRUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then he got up, quickly wiped the yak crap of his naked legs and then suddenly realised that he was naked and was no-longer on of the fab four! "Oh, great, I'm a naked ex-Beatle, what am I going to do?"

So he went home to get some from Stella. But as he walked up to his gate, he saw Paul's car in the driveway. "Shit" he muttered as he opened it up, and walked over to the house. From outside he could hear Paul's heated screams. "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! YOU WON'T BE HAPPY WITH HIM! HE'S OLDER THAN ME!!!" he ranted "STELLA!!!! CHRIST, I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS. GO BE A PUNK. GO SLEEP AROUND WITH HUNDREDS OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE (LIKE ME) I DON'T CARE, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUT JUST STAY AWAY FROM JOHN!"...

"John, quick, John, lets go" Stella said as she saw him walking up the driveway. "Over my dead body" interupted Paul. Suddenly a man in an overcoat appeared from behind some bushes and said, "Paul, that can be aranged." He pulled out a gun and was about to shoot when John whipped out of his back poccket a frisbee......

(just forget the fact that John wasn't wearing any pants). "oh no you don't" John said and whipped the gun out of the guys hands. He looked at Paul and said, "If there's one thing English men know how to do well..... actually I shouldn't go there, but hey I was good at saving your life, now wasn't i?" "I guess, hey you want to ........

leave my daughter alone then, John?" John snickered. "Not highly bloody likely, Macca" he said with a grin. Stella just stared at him, thinking how sexy older men were. "Kay, c'mon Stell, lets go" John put his arm around her. Paul...

quite nearly had a nervous breakdown, but then saw a cute blonde across the street and forgot the whole thing. ALMOST....

Then they all got hit by a streetcar. The streetcar, stopped, backed up to the flantened Beatles, and the driver stuck his head out of the window. It was Bill Danylo that incredibly sexy lead singer from Organized Chaos! "HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!" he yelled as he drove off into the sun.

Paul scraped himself up off the curb. "Who the hell was that?" he screamed. "I don't know, but he was incredibly sexy!" Stella sighed as she looked in the direction the mysterious stranger had taken off in. "What about ME?" John asked. When she didn't answer, Paul looked incredibly relieved. "so you don't love John any more?" he asked her...

"Of course i do!" she said and flung herself into John's arms. "Fuck" Paul muttered. John kinda liked the idea. "All right." Paul looked at him, uncomprehending. Then he realized what he had just said. "Oh, no. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, NO!!!" he yelled, scared now. "Stella, i command that you never see this man again. And that's an order, young lady." Paul said in his most fatherly tone. Stella just burst out laughing. "Yeah, okay, dad. whatever" she said sarcastically "I mean it's not like YOU don't date girls less than half your age..."

Paul's eyes darted around. "Age is not the issue here." Stella rolled her eyes. "Right, Dad. Come on, John, let's go." John batted his eyes and waved at Paul. "See ya, DAD!" he taunted. Paul scowled at him. He was beyond temper tantrums now. He walked inside, got himself a beer, and thought about this matter for a couple of hours. Stella seemed very much in love with his pal, and he with her. Suddenly a thought struck him-- if they got married, Paul would be John's father-in-law!

"Well, i'm not having any of THAT." Paul said aloud, then realized how strange he must look seing as he was the only one in the house. "Linda" he thought. he picked up the phone to find out what Stella's mother would have to say about this...

"Damn...what's that number..." Paul muttered. "I can't believe I forgot my own number!" He dialed the only one he could think of at the minute and a young voice came on at the other end.."Hello, this is Kiki and I'm not wearing any pants. Who is it?" "Well," thought Paul "perhaps this whole Stella thing can wait a bit......"

"MMM," he replied. "I'm Paul." "McCartney again?" Kiki wondered. "We should sign him up for a free phone card, or a frequent phone-sex program or something!"

"Oh, SHIT!!!" Screamed John, waking up with a start. "What am I doing here? Where IS here?" He asked, getting up. There was some strange bird in the bed. She was sorta cute, but just then he remembered. "Ohhhhh fuck." He moaned. "Yoko. I gotta get home." He grabbed his things and went out the door.

"Hey John!" Came a voice. He whirled around to face it. "Shawna! Where have you BEEN?!?!" He shouted. "I was over at my dad's house, and he doesn't have a decent enough to use the web." I responded, forgetting that this is fantasy. "Ah-I mean, I was at my dad's, and couldn't come to see you." "Oh, OK." Said John. (BTW, I'm back!) Then Shawna got hit by a streetcar.

"Pity" John said with no emotion as he stared at the sad remains of Shawna. "Anyway... where was I? Oh, yes on my way back to Yoko... why would i want to do that? Stella is way hotter, not to mention YOUNGER than her. Plus, it pisses Paul off when i go with her, so that's a bonus. Stella?" John went back to find her. Meanwhile Paul and Kiki....

were in the middle of some serious phone sex. Paul was thoroughly enjoying himself and was draped over an armchair, with a few shots of brandy in front of him. Stella had decided to leave John's house just for the night and come and straighten things out with her dad. She had let herself in the back door and was just opening his bedroom door, when she heard her dad's voice. "Oh, yeah, BABY! I've got my hand on your ass..." She burst into the room. "DAD!!" she said in mock-shock (it's not like this was the first time this had happened..) Paul...

Smiled and said sheepishly, 'Yes?', trying to look as natural as possible, "I am going to inform you that I hate you and that you suck and that I'm running away with John, the best Beatle ever!!!!!!!!!! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," screamed Paul. "I'm the best Beatle Ever and you know it!"

Continued on Apr 13, 1998

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