Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Apr 03, 1998
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Continued from Apr 02, 1998

..began to slowly unbutton Marianne's lime green dress. Suddenly Marrianne let out a blood-curdling screem. Paul let go of her pouting breasts. For god's sake, he hated these prick teasing women, getting you all turned on before telling you to f@*! off. Marianne's body seemed to go limp, her head lulling backwards. Paul slowly became aware of the blood dripping down from her head. WA...????? Paul looked 'round franticaly only to see Harry stood at the door with a pebble in his hand. "You bastard, Harry", he uttered, carefull not to bring his stone throwing companion's presance to the attentions of the rest of the party. "I was in there....and you killed Marianne Faithfull!!??!!" "Paul man....she's only stunned.....LINDA, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Paul slowly remembered his wife of 29 almost-faithful years.He laid Marianne on the ground and buttoned up her dress. Then he went for Linda. He knelt on the ground. "Linda, my love, will you find it in your heart to take me back?" Linda laughed. "Well, duh, Paul, I figured you'd come back after the first night!" Paul leaped for joy while everybody else laughed their asses off at him for being so dramatic. "OK, everybody, the party's over," John and Harry said to the people, trying to get them to leave because they could see Linda and Paul were just starting to bond. "But..." Mick pouted. "Shooo!" Harry hissed. "You can come back tomorrow!"

Harry and John had intended to get a cab back to Harry's flat, but decided that it was too nice a night to resist a walk along the river. "You know John", sighed Harry, "That was realy nice back there." John nodded. "O.K, Paul and Linda have their differances, but they keep on getting together." Harry looked down at his feet. "I'm sometimes envious of you guys." John smiled, "what, you mean the endless parties, rock stardom and women wanting to blow you from dawn till dusk?" "NO MAN," Harry looked almost offended. "It's not that. It's just that you have Cyn, and Paul has Linda....evan Ringo has his thoughts". John could see a tear building in Harry's eyes. "Somettimes I feel so damb lonely!" John sat there looking at his sobbing friend and made a decision. His hext mission would be simple.....get Harry a woman.

"No way, John....I've already been through that once...Me and Diane...just didn't work" John tried to reassure him. "Nah, Har...this is gonna be different...things are going to work...I promise you..." John smiled. Something about the smile made Harry trust him even less.

soon, harry found himself in this dingy strip club with john.

And all of them got hit with streetcars.

Streetcars! The evil scourge of the earth! The strippers were falling left and right, the victims of streetcars with attitudes. John had been mashed into the carpet; Harry was smashed up against the jukebox and had tire tracks on his back. This business with the streetcars was annoying, so John and Harry left. This new place they were at was no better, and besides, Harry had a phobia about being in...

strip clubs. he'd had a really bad experience a while back with a transvestite.... but we won't get into that. Meanwhile back at Cavendish...

they all sat around smoking crack.

Until once again they were all hit by streetcars.

they werent hit by street cars they realized after returning to conciousness . What really happened was that they were incredably stoned and had hallucinated . They got up off their sorry butts and said lets make a new song man. and so it went . . .

I'm a bad bad dog bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog Roof. Roof. Attention puppies, step aside The biggest meanest baddest bad dog has arrived Who's in the alleyway knocking down the cans If you get in my way, I'll make you understand That I'm a bad bad dog bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog Yeah, a bad bad dog bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog bad dog I'm a bad bad dog bad dog

It continued in that vein until Harry passed out. He awkoe to find John still strumming the song. "What time is it?" John looked down. "six." He tried another chord. "What day is it?" John thought hard. "I think it's Tuesday." He bit his lip pensively. "You don't really know, do you?" John shook his head. He hadn't a clue.

Then Paul walked in with a mysterious brunnette on his arm, whistling an overly perky tune. "It's gettin' better all the time" Paul sang as he sat down in a chair and picked up his guitar. "Oh, sod off, macca," John said, annoyed now. "And who the hell is THAT?" he said, motioning towards the girl. "That," Paul replied, eyebrows raised slyly "is...

"Isn't a woman" Harry mumbled from the floor. "WHAT?" Paul was at his throat. Harry grinned.. "Nah, man....look...'she's' got an Adam's apple" John began to snicker. Paul kicked Harry, who rolled over, laughing.

Paul was in a mad rage, beating the shit out of poor old harry, who was just a joker by nature, when he noticed John just sitting there, staring. Paul stopped, mid punch and followed John's gaze. "Oh, she's a woman, all right" John said. Yes, she certainly was, realized Paul, when he looked over to see that she was flashing them all. Paul snickered. "well, harry? what do you have to say for yourself?"...

he said, as he walked over and began groping the sexy brunette. "Actually, i'd have to say "HI LINDA!" right about now" harry snickered back. Paul's body froze. "Yeah, hey Lin, what's up?" John looked towards Paul's wife standing in the doorway. "Obviously Paul's is" she shot back as she stormed out of the studio. Paul just turned around, lipstick smudges all over his face...

Continued on Apr 04, 1998

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