Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Apr 01, 1998
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Continued from Mar 31, 1998

And then he went to visit Brian Epstein, and fucked his brains out, and spent the rest of his life living with Brian and fucking him... APRIL FOOL'S!!!!!

Then he didn't get hit by a streetcar. In fact, he was never hit by a streetcar again.

APRIL FOOL'S!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

and starred in spike lee's next hit movie.. "he's gotta have it!" HAHAHAH APRIL FOOL'S!!!! but seriously. John was living, he did get hit by streetcars, he didn't f--- brian's brains out, and he wasn't in spike lee's movie. These are just figments of authors' imaginations. This is simply a mask to hide the fact that we got some really lame-ass story line going (john and linda?! EWWWWWW...). So I will start it again. Once upon a time...

...there was a flower called Jenny. Jenny didn't like his name very much because it reminded him of the pet fish he had as a child. The fish had died in a nasty rock climbing accident, but that's another tale entirely. Jenny's favorite hobby was groving. He loved growing. One day he met a fairy godmother, who was from Merseyside and got three wishes. He closed his eyes and wished himself somewhere else. When he opened his eyes Jenny was astounded to find that he was John Lennon. And even better - he was standing in.....

wait wait WAIT! hold on! this is even lamer than the John-Linda thing (which i personally was finding quite amusing... in a very sick twisted way...) but if we must begin again, let us make it a little EXCITING! come on, people! (i think that's a paul-song, is it not??) well, so anyway... *author clears HER throat* It was a hot sunny day and John was sitting at home at Weybridge. Cynthia and Julian were in Bristol for Cyn's sister's wedding, so John had the house all to himself. He was lying on his little sun-room couch, reading the "daily mail", when there came a huge BANG on the front door...

It was a streetcar. Thenm he got hit by a streetcar.

"Fuck, man...sit down to read the paper and some...Fuck it all..." He slowly got up and threw his paper to the ground. Not as though there was every anything new in the Mail. There was again the bang. "I'm fucking coming! Give me a minute..Fer Christ's sake..."

He looked out the window. Paul. God, Paul knew he was supposed to stay hidden at Harry's house! What was going on? John let Paul into the house. "What the fuck are you doing here?" John exclaimed. "You know you're supposed to stay hidden until you're 'found'. What's going on?" Paul sighed. "Harry got arrested. They found me."

"Fuck, Paul...do you have to ruin everything? We'll have to bail him out.." John shook his head. "I'm sorry, John- really...I didn't mean t'get Harry locked up..." John turned away, fuming. "Christ, you can't do anything right...not even get lost...Poor old Harry...Let's go see what I can do.."

They found Harry sitting in the clink. He was amusing himself by seeing if he could get the other people in the cell to sing a round of Yesterday. "No- let's try this ag- Johnny-boy!" John blushed. All eyes had turned to him and his equally as famous companion. No one knew who Harry was. He'd never been on a stage. "We've come to spring ya, Har. We tried our best to explain to the lovely officer-" The man in question turned around and waved. Harry saw the wad of cash he clutched.

"We're gonna get you out," John explained. He started to explain to the warden why Harry was innocent but the officer settled for an autograph and Harry was free.

Continued on Apr 02, 1998

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