Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Mar 26, 1998
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Continued from Mar 25, 1998

Meanwhile, Magenta was at her computer wondering who the hell had started this shit storyline. It was stupid, and, pardon the pun, it stank. She thought it would be a good idea to go back to the beginning, at least with her. She decided to start anew, and if people wanted to continue this, let them.

Yoko got out of the limo first. John followed her a few seconds later. As he was going through the gates, a man came out of the shadows and yelled, "Mr. Lennon!". As John turned to face him, he dropped into a combat stance and fired the gun five times. John managed to get up the steps, but collapsed on the floor once inside. Yoko was in hysterics, screaming and calling for somebody to get an ambulance. John was rushed to the hospital, but it was too late. The doctors tried their hardest, even cutting open John's chest to try to keep his heart beating by massaging it, but they failed, and John was pronounced dead.

"He's gone," the doctor said. However, back up in heaven it was a different story. "He's here!" Jim Morrison yelled. Everyone was throwing a big party in honor of John joining them all in heaven. "A party? You guys had this all planned?" John couldn't believe his eyes. All of his pals who had died were there, so he'd get to see them again! He looked around in disbelief. "Stu? That you?" "'S me," Stuart Sutcliffe replied, patting John on the back. "What took you so long?" A decidedly feminine voice called John's name from behind him. He turned around and got the biggest shock of his life (besides the defibrillator, of course).

It was Julia Lennon, long gone but here to greet John again. "Mum?" John gasped. They ran to each other and embraced in the middle of a cloud. "Aww," the crowd cooed. Several people took pictures. "Cake?" came a call behind them. There stood...

Brian Jones, still pale, but smiling.

Since John was the newest inductee to the Heavenly Community, Brian let him cut the cake. Very nice it was, in the shape of a rhythm guitar with the words "WELCOME JOHN" written on it in green icing. John had never felt so loved.

After the party, Stu and Julia showed him around heaven. The bar was sunken and the beer was great-- there were, like, 9 taps of different kinds and hangovers were nonexistent. The all-night buffet was even better-- not only was the food fresh, it'd just been created! The dance parlour was fantastic-- the jukebox had all songs ever written in it and the floor was black & white checks, and almost all fun-loving angels visited every night. It was THE ultimate hangout. You were there or you were square.

John's room topped it all. It was all white and seemed boring at first, but then Stu and Julia explained that he had to imagine the decorations for them to appear. They left him alone then, while John added a bed and a night table to his room. In the space of a few hours, John's walls were completely covered with splotches of color and posters. He dreamed up a black carpet and added a few pets and a full washer/dryer and kitchen range. He dreamed up a closet also, and opened it up to find racks of frilly white angel gowns. "AAH!" he screamed. "I'm not wearing a dress!" As soon as the words left his mouth, the gowns disappeared, and in their place were simply several empty hangers. John dreamed up a whole bunch of suits, ties, and fancy shirts for his closet, and then some jeans & t-shirts and a dresser. He made one whole wall a mirror, looked in it... and noticed he had wings!

It vas vun-derful!!!

Then he got hit by a streetcar.

"Agh!" John yelled. "Not here too!" But then the streetcar was sentenced to life in hell and that lightened things up a bit.

Wings. That was something new to ponder. They were fluffy. And slightly grey. and very stiff.

They were going to take some getting used to, but after all, John did have eternity to get used to them. He spread them and promptly knocked over his 21" Sony TV. Oh well, he could dream up another one. He admired himself in the mirror, seeing for the first time the blue highlights in them and the way the feathers around his back were softer than the rest. He turned to view himself from the side, the front, the back. He kinda liked his wings.

He dreamed himself a clock and looked in it. The early morning hours in heaven. He went to the bar to mingle with the rest of his fellow Heavenites.

The first person he saw at the old bar was Harry Nilssen. "You're not dead, Harry!" Harry looked up and shook his head. "Not yet...but you dreamed me here- and I dreamed myself we're here together. Until I wake up, of course." "I think I understand." John proudly showed off his wings. "Ya earned 'em, John..but I wish...ah, nevermind." John sat on the stool next to John. "So this is the place we see in our dreams, Harry?"

"Yeah, sure," Harry answered, but he wasn't looking at John. His eyes were stuck intently on something across the room. John followed Harry's view and looked to see Paul across the room, chatting up some beautiful girl...

"Macca," John said in envy. "Why does he always get the birds?" Harry asked. "He's the 'cute' one, Harry. Girls go for that. And he has a knack for saying all the right things. Did you ever see the movie 'all the right moves'? Like that" John explained Harry sat there, expressionlessly staring at Paul. "What about Linda?" he asked. John just raised an eyebrow. He thougth Paul's tendency for bed-hopping was common knowledge. "Well," he finally said, eyes still on Paul, who now had the girl on his lap. "why don't we put an end to this, then?" John grinned. Why hadn't he thought of that? They could get even with Macca if they just...

...Cheated on him with Linda! Harry would do it, because he was alive, and Paul would find out, and he'd have no right to be mad!

"Hey, Har...I had this crazy idea...." Harry shook his head, laughing. "If it involves the Smothers Brothers, I'm out." John looked at him for a moment, trying to tell whether or not he was serious. "Nah, Har...It involves Linda...and Paulie..." Harry looked over at him. Then he looked back down and began to trace the grain of the wood in the bar. "I'm glad I won't remember much of this...I try to forget dreams..." "No, Har- You gotta remember this last practical joke for me..."

So late that night, Harry crept up to the big iron gate in front of 7 Cavendish Avenue. Paul had been so drunk at that bar, he had told Harry that the kids were in Liverpool with their relatives and that he wasn't planning on going home, he was planning on taking the blonde girl he was with to a hotel room. "Perfect" John had snickered. So harry approached the gate and buzzed. A female voice answered "Paul?" It was Linda. "No," Harry replied, "But can I come in for a minute?" there was no answer, and Harry thought Linda was going to ignore him, until the gate opened slowly. He walked in, through the yard and up to the big black front door...

... and in less than a millisecond, it flew open and a Linda clad-in-lacy-lingere pulled Harry in and was all over him. "Linda!" he exclaimed in surprise. Not that he wasn't enjoying this - he liked fast women - but he just hadn't expected it. "Just shut up and do me!" she yelled. "What about Paul?" he asked. "What about Paul? I know he cheats on me all the time... so c'mon.. what did you say your name was?" "Harry" "Right, Harry, let's get going..."

As Linda had her way with his body, Harry's mind was elsewhere. "John! What should i do?! i didn't expect this kind of reaction!" John was looking down on Harry from heaven with a nasty grin on his face. "I'd just go with it, mate. If i'd known she was THAT easy, i might of had a go with it when i was alive. I always wanted to get in Linda's knickers!" But unfortunately for John, God overheard this, and he was banished down from heaven and back to... earth! John was alive again, and he found himself standing outside the door to the hotel room where Paul had taken the girl...

wondering "What the hell happened there?" He'd loved heaven, and now he was stuck on this stupid sphere. At least it was only temporary. Then a great idea struck John. He decided to mess with Paul's mind a little.

John took a deep breath and pounded on Paul's door. He dashed off and hid behind a water fountain. John stifled a giggle as he saw Paul peek out, red-faced, panting, and shirtless, and then go back in. This was better than John expected. John crept up to the door, having his mind set on trying that again. "HEY! THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN UP!" he yelled at Paul's door, once again hiding behind the water fountain. He heard Paul yell "Oh shit!" and then "Give me my pants!" Then, a feminine shriek-- "No no, Paulie, come back!" Paul's head poked out of the door and looked around. His hair was all messy and he looked completely flustered. "Probably just some kids," he told the girl. "Maybe we should... you know... someplace else?" she suggested. So they came out, and John bumped into them just as he was getting ready to knock on the door again. One knock and Paul caught him. Paul looked visibly pissed.

"Who the Hell are you? Leave me alone, ya Bastard." John was startled, but pleased. Paul had no idea who he was. "Oh, please. Sir....lemme go....I promise I won't do it again...." Paul twisted the collar of his shirt even closer to his neck.

Continued on Mar 27, 1998

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