Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Mar 13, 1998
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Continued from Mar 12, 1998

..or was he lost in the supermarket? Beans cans were all around him. He grabbed a bottle of HP brown sauce and exclaimed, "I 'm off to the chippy". It was Friday the 13th so he was feeling that something was bound to happen...sure enough it did. George Harrison lept from behind a bus shelter on brownlow hill wearing a green bomber jacket and flares. "Fancy a pint in the Pilgrim? There's a doubles bar, 1.20 for a double whiskey!" John thought about this."mmmm ok George but I'm not sure this is possible?" "Why?", George replied. "Well because I'm dead and you've never been to Liverpool in years." said John. "Good point" said George,"but how did I know that doubles were 1.20 in the pilgrim if I wasn't here?" John laughed, "because the person writing this section has just returned from there!" "oh yeah", said George and with that they both disappeared in to the void (via the chippy)...

There was one page of the Evening Standart on the wall. John stared into it. The image of his friend Luiza appeared there - knocked out by some street car. The funeral would be on the next morning. John felt his body freeze. How come!?

"Luiza too, god, why does everything bad always happen to me!" John knew that he should go to the funeral, but he wasn't sure he could take it. After all, until now, streetcars hadn barely done any damage at all, accept annoy people. The first person he thought to call was Ringo. John had no idea why, he just thought of him first. "hello, Ringo, something terrible has just happened, Luiza got run over by a streetcar." Ringo, being as sympathetic as he was, offered to come over and drive John to Luiza's sisters house. When they got there however, it was not the same as it had been before. Eveyone recognized him, and there were reporters everywhere! Then he got hit by a streetcar. (but it didn't really because the story was getting good, anyway they passed "Luiza's Law" that banned streetcars)

"AAGH!" John screamed. "First I fall down the stairs, then Luiza gets nabbed by a streetcar, then the bloody media! And to top it all off, I'm road pizza now 'cause a streetcar just hit me!" John couldn't take it anymore. He pried himself off of the concrete and took a vacation in Spain.

"UH... Donde estas el banos?" Asked John. He hoped he hadn't said anything insulting. "Fuck it! I should 'ave gone to Germany. At least I can ask where the fuck the bathroom is!"

He sighed. "So...where is the bathroom? Jeez, you'd think they'd at least have English translations or somethin', but nooo, not the Spaniards." He finally found it (well, he didn't really--he went behind someone's azaleas) and decided on Germany. So he went to the airport to buy a ticket...and his credit card was maxed out! He never carried any money, just relied on his Visa Gold. Poor John, stuck in Spain without any clue where anything was.

Just then he was hit by a street car. "Oh, bloody hell." John said wearily. "Will it never end?" Just then, the person at the ticket booth called him and said his bill had just been paid, so he could go to Germany after all. He bought the ticket and boarded the plane. "First class. Aah." He stretched out in his seat and looked out the window. Someone was hit by a streetcar. John chuckled. The poor scruff. "That coulda been me," John thought as he bought one of those $4 little bottles of whiskey and gulped it down.

It was one girl. Damn it, it was Helena. She entered into the pub, as if she was running. "One cup of coffee, please", she said to the bartender, in a hurry. She looked pretty bad. "Oh, hello, mr. Lennon", she said, faking one smile to him. "How are you, girl?", he asked. She sighed again. "not that good anymore. Oh man, don't I miss my sis. Sometimes I wonder of moving away. All that place has no sense at all anymore. Ever again. Oh,yeah, she had written something to you...she was about to handle you when.. you know. There you have it. Goodbye." John stared with a blue envelope on his hands. He opened it up and read.

"Direst John - don't worry about my sisters. They don't know who you are - yet! Your secret lies here with me. Nobody will know who you are, on what depends on me. Remember, it's all in your mind. You can bring people back and change what is all around you...if you wish. Jai Guru Deva, John, remember of me. Yours sincerely and wasting away, Luiza". The kiddie hand-writing over a notebook page made John cringe again. She was handling him that confession when she got hit by the damned streetcar. That wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. "I'd better keep this letter", he thought, hiding it inside his coat. Paul came into the bar. "John, we've been searching for you! Where have you been all this time?" John just stared.

"Luiza died.", he said, in a wounded whisper. "Luiza who?", Paul asked dumbly. John saw red, but kpet sat down on his place. He remembered damn well the last time they had a fight, the result of it. Besides, he could almost feel the hurt look from Helena, just behind them. Life would go on, and only she would feel that pain. For John, life would go on in the way it always had been. Girls, trips, rock. And that cute but somewhat silly friend. Helena left the pub, thinking about it. And deadly wishing that a streetcar ran over him. Deadly wishing. John gave the girl a long lost look, as she disappeared thru the streets. If there was anything he could do!... He suddenly realised that all along Paul had been talking to him - and he just didn't hear a word.

He stopped the scene and rewound it. He played back Paul talking over and over. It still made no sense. He played it backwards and the voice told him to love Satan. It still made no sense. He drew a deep breath and noticed the pains were still there.

Mental pains or physical pains? It didn't really matter, he had both anyway. He was going to talk to Paul about this-- he'd been over at Paul's house, coming out of the bathroom, when he'd slipped on one of the kids' toys and gone flying down the stairs. "Ow!" Yup, it was his ribs. They had to be all taped up to assure the broken ribs didn't shift and heal the wrong way. It was a situation that promised to be interesting; when John got the tape taken off it was sure not to be boring!

Then Jane Asher came back into the story and handed out free copies of her new book (yes, she's at it again, that girl!) of "Jane Asher's Baking Solutions" and just incase you already have that, not to fear. She also had extra copies of "Jane Asher's eats for treats" which includes "over 40 delicious recipes to cook with your child". WOW! thanks Jane! everyone said as they scooped up the books and ran home to cook with their kids. Who ever said all you need is love? all you need is your kids and a damn good cookbook. Thanks again Ms Asher... on with the regular programming...

Continued on Mar 14, 1998

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