Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Mar 08, 1998
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Continued from Mar 07, 1998

Just at that moment Paul pulled up in his Aston Mini. "Oh my dear god!" Paul exclaimed as he got out of the car and saw John lying there. He then looked over at Marianne (still with nothing on) "Oh my dear GOD!!!!" he yelled again (with more enthusiasm this time) "WHAT happened?" he asked. Marianne just stared at him "Let's have sex Paul, okay?" she asked...

Paul looked at her with a very excited look on his face, then winced as he looked over at his car. "Oh, Mar," (that's what Marianne's CLOSE friends called her) he began, "You KNOW i'd love to except i kind of have someone with me....

Just then a blonde head came out of the skylight in Paul's car. "Paul? Aren't we going to your house?" she asked in a truly bimboey voice. Paul looked at her, then looked back at Marianne and smiled. He turned back to the girl. "Actually, Chloe, we're NOT. you're not coming over any more. sorry. Please go back to the corner where you belong" with that, Chloe yelled something very shocking and pranced away, at the same time trying to put her shirt back on. "Well, that takes care of that" Paul grinned at Marianne, completely giving away what his intentions were, but before he could walk over to her... Ah, what the hell! Let's do it!" decided Paul. So they semi-carefully moved John's dazed figure into another room and went at it like crazed weasels.

Jane Asher (Paul's girlfriend) came walking by. when she saw Paul, then her eyes travelled over to Marianne, immdeiately taking in the fact that she was, in fact, completely naked. She stopped dead in her tracks, and her jaw dropped about 10 inches. Paul looked over. "Aw, shit" he said under his breath, but finally found his voice. "It's not what you think!" he blurted out. Jane just narrowed her eyes at him. "Is that the best you can come up with? HONESTLY Paul, at least if you're gonna screw around you can think of a better excuse!" her face was almost the same shade as her hair. "We didn't do anything... yet!" Paul didn't realize how bad that had sounded until he had said it. Jane turned around to leave. "NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" he yelled "WAIT!" But just then...

Jane turned and, in one swift move, darted over to where Marianne was sitting, on John's leopard skin couch, completely silent. She hadn't wanted to get into the Paul/Jane/Paul's many other girlfriends saga. But now she had no choice. In a mad rage Jane began scratching her face and pulling at her hair. "YOU BITCH!!! YOU SLUT!!!!" Jane was screaming as she attempted to punch Marianne, but unfortunately, failed miserably, and ended up looking like a complete fool. But that didn't stop, she began biting Marianne. Paul didn't know what to do. I mean he was used to seeing Jane upset, but never like THIS! she was usually calm, cool and collected. What had just happened here? When he couldn't think of any way to fix the problem, he immediately remembered his old solution to every problem. He yelled "SERENITY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!"....

"Serenity Now!!!" he yelled again. But it didn't do anything. Then he faintly remembered something Ringo's dad had said--"Serenity now, insanity later". He'd thought the old bugger was full of it at the time but now he realized Richie Starkey Sr. wasn't so old and forgetful after all.

Paul got really mad now. "SERENITY NOW!!!" he screamed, going for John's precious room of antiques. "SERENITY NOW!!!" again, as Paul rushed in and started breaking Cynthia Lennon's china in a rage. "SERENITY NOW!!" as he smashed John's favorite guitar and amp on the floor. He continued screaming the now useless phrase while he yanked the heads off of several of Julian's G.I. Joes and threw an original Renoir out of the window. Paul was incredibly enraged. John woke up from where Marianne and Paul had semi-carefully dragged him and went toward the sound of this ruckus. He shook his head, struggling to clear the haze. He stood up and opened the door of his antique room, only to see his globe-shaped cupboard be smashed with a thick copy of "A Tale Of Two Cities". "Ohh," John gasped. "My stuff...I feel faint." John collapsed. Paul turned around and was then able to see all the stuff he'd smashed. "Holy..."

"crap, what've I done?" He patted John's hand. "John? Hello?" He fished a small blue container of smelling salts (such a nice name for nasty ammonia!) out of a drawer and waved them under John's nose. John's eyes opened with a jerk. He took one look at the room with all his stuff smashed and gasped, "No, that's not gonna do it," and passed out again. "John!" Paul gasped. He dragged him out of the traumatic room and into his bedroom. Placing John on the new Japanese-style futon from Woolworth's, he proceeded to wave the salts under John's nose again. John shook his head and struggled to sit up. "Paul? Why in God's name did you destroy millions of dollars' worth of antiques? There was only one of those Renoirs left in the world and you threw it right where you took your dog for a crap yesterday!"

Hey, I don't control where my dog craps..., and anyway its only material things, its love that really matters..." John's head was spinning as Pual rambled on about peace and love, obviously on something. Then they got hit by a streetcar.

NO they didn't get hit this time, instead they heard a big THUD from downstairs. "OH MY GOD!" all color drained from Paul's face. "What is it mate?" John asked him. He ignored him and ran downstairs where he found...

Jane and Marianne. Only they weren't fighting any more. Marianne's body was lying nude and lifeless on the floor. Jane was hovering over her, hair frizzy and standing on end with a mad gleam in her eye. "Ah, Paul," she said softly "You're just in time" Paul stared at her. Now it was his turn to look shocked. "What the hell have you done?!?" he said, his paranoia rising. Jane simply laughed a hollow, mocking crazy laugh. Paul didn't know what to do. For the first time in his life, he had no control. He was just about to go into hysterics, when there was a knock on the door...

"Don't MOVE." Paul told Jane, and he MEANT it. Who knows what a crazy redhead with a butcher knife is capable of. Paul moved out into the hall and slowly over to the door, trying to keep himself from looking as shaken as he felt. he opened the door, and who would be there but...

Mick Jagger. Paul almost collapsed right there, but that would have made Mick come in, and oh, boy could that NOT HAPPEN. Mick was still edgy with Paul because he knew he and Marianne screwed around. But if he came in now, with his girlfriend lying dead, naked on the livingroom floor... "Hullo Mick" Paul said in a voice as cheerful as he could manage. He hoped he wouldn't throw up. "Hi, Paul... you haven't seen Marianne lately, have you?" The way Mick said it, with a slight accusing tone, told Paul that Mick was pretty aware of the kind of relationship he and Marianne had. Paul must have stalled a little too long cuz mick prodded "WELL? have you seen her or what?" "Marianne Faithfull?" Paul asked, not letting on. "Well, yes, who the hell else do you think i'd be asking you about?" Mick was annoyed. "No, no, haven't seen her." Paul said very un-convincingly. "Hmmm" Mick replied, studying Paul's face as if trying to see if he was lying...

"You're sure about that?" Mick pressed on. "Oh... yes. Haven't seen Marianne since that night... oh, er.. nevermind... No, haven't seen her." Paul was good at many things, but lying simply wasn't one of them. "What if i told you i don't believe you?" Mick asked, rather aggressively. Paul just stared at him blankly. "I'm coming in" Mick said, as he pushed by Paul...

Paul turned to see John sitting on the couch with Marianne. He stroked her hair. "There, there, love...it'll be all right...you'll feel better in the morning". Mick approached John. "What's wrong with her?" John grinned sheepishly and lied through his teeth. "We had a bit too much, didn't we?" He nodded Marianne's head. "Just let her spend the night here..." He pulled the afgan closer- up to her chin. Paul trembled. This was the daftest thing he'd ever seen John try.

But it worked. Mick murmured under his breath and walked out with some last words: "If I find you've been screwing around with Marianne, your skin is going to be mine!" He slammed the door and was gone. As soon as they heard his car pull out of the driveway, Paul and John started rushing around. Jane was long gone. John dressed Marianne while Paul started his Aston Mini. They carried her out to the car. Paul drove them to the local hospital to get Marianne checked out, only to have Mick confront them at the door. "What did you do to Marianne?!?" "Er, nothing," Paul ad-libbed, feeling his face turn red. "We think she might have..."

"Never mind Paul, Mick....He doesn't know what he's talking about...She's exhausted, that's all...and we certainly don't want anything to happen to her." John smiled, his eyes narrowing to slits. God, he felt so greasy. Like a used streetcar salesman.

Mick looked very skeptical. "Well... alright." he finally agreed. "But you take good care of her John, and don't let Paul anywhere NEAR her!" then he turned to Paul "Macca, i think you'd better just leave. Go home to that red haired chick or whatever cheap slut you have at the moment, okay?" Paul's face went even redder. "Haha! Alrightee, Mick, now if you'd just go home..." John began, sensing the bad blood between Paul and Mick. But Mick was just about to be home when he saw Marianne's body in the passenger seat of the Aston. "Hey, what's marianne doing in there?" he asked as he approached the car...

So John whipped out his Uzi and blasted Mick. Him and Paul took the two dead bodies, put them in a streetcar and sent it over a cliff. With that problem out of the way, the two mates went off arm in arm to get really really stoned.

"You handled that well, John..." Paull slurred the words. "I suppose...you would have made a bloody hash out of it..." John supported his bandmate as they walked on. "I love you, man..." "Keep walking, Macca...I gotta find a way back...you're not slowing me down..."

They decided to head to Paul's house with the "stuff". By the time they arrived, it was dark and Paul opened the big black gates with his special remote, and they went inside. They proceeded into the living room, where Paul reached for "As Tears Go By" without looking at the title and put it on the turntable. Marianne Faithfull's voice filled the room "OHHHH!!!!" Paul screamed as he quickly turned it off. "Oh, god, that was bad" he looked at John then went to put on some Ravi Shankar. they lit up. It wasn't 1/2 hour before there was a sound out in the hall and someone was in the house. Jane walked into the living room. "Oh." she said when she saw John there. "Hey Jane, what's up, babe?" Paul said in a hopelessly stoned voice. But Jane didn't catch on. "What the hell is wrong with you, Paul? Don't talk to me you bastard. After what you did!" Paul just looked at her and laughed. Jane didn't understand that he was stoned and wasn't really listening to her anyway and got even angrier....

"i just can't believe you!!" she screamed and that got John laughing at her too, until they were both in hysterics. Jane turned bright red and ran out of the room in a rage. When she returned, she was holding a...

her bong. "HOw dare you have a party without me!"

"Sorry luv," Paul said as he grabbed the bong away and began putting it to use. Just then...

Continued on Mar 09, 1998

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