Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Feb 23, 1998
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Continued from Feb 22, 1998

John shook his head slightly, dissolving the image of a typrwriter. He was puzzled by the vision. Could it be that they were all part of a story? Who was the writer then? and how? And then why did he/she/they have a fixation with streetcars (of all things)?! And just how many licks DOES it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop????? AND WHY DID PAUL GET ALL THE BIRDS??

Just then, as if to answer his questions, Paul walked in with a tootsie pop and a beautiful girl. Well, what John could see of her looked nice, but he couldn't see much seeing as Paul was going for her tonsils with enthusiasm. John was jealous. He needed sex, and he needed it now. In one swift move, he punched Macca, sending him flying to the ground. In another even smoother move, he grabbed the chick and ran into the kitchen with her. As he began gettin' it on with her, things got bad...

Not only did an enrged Paul run into the room to reclaim his "property", but Cyn got home just at that instant. They both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw what John and the girl were up to. Cyn had a look of utter hurt and betrayal on her face, while Paul had an excited, disbeliving look. "I didn't know ANYONE could do that". The Master had been outdone. Cyn burst into tears and flung herself into Paul's arms, while Paul yelled un-printable things at John. But just then John felt something in his pocket. He reached inside and... YES! it was a package of MENTOS! HAPPY DAYS WERE HERE AGAIN! He pulled the package out, and popped one into his mouth...

Cyn and Paul both looked up and smiled as some really sheesy music that sounded like it could be from a commercial could be heard in the background. John pulled on his pants, grinned at them and then held his MENTOS package up, as he gave the "thumbs up" sign. "MENTOS, THE FRESHMAKER" a mans voice was heard saying.

Well, actually, that didn't really happen. The Mentos thingie was really a bomb that john got off mary hart form ET (that shitty show, pardon my french). He blew it up, and started running away from the explosion a la nicolas cage. Apparently, John blew up the house of those stupid bloc judges at nagano who made set up the whole ice dancing thing. Yells of joy could be heard by bourne and kratz, who weere finally given their deserved gold medal (while that stupid rusian team who sucked that one gold died in the bombing). A N Y W A Y...

sounds of that vunderful song on the mentos commercial came on. But then, Kenny from south park died because of the cheezinest in this story and in the distance paul yelled, "Ohmigod they killed kenny!"

and then Ringo appeared out of nowhere to scream, "YOU BASTARDS!" Then he got hit by a streetcar.

John decided to toss the cheese wedge, as it had gotten rather mouldy.

Ringo's nose had been smooshed in the streetcar collision. He was rushed to the hospital. Most of his nose had to be amputated. It was now normal size.

Then Paul decided that enough was enough and he invited all the beatles and their better halves to come to cavendish avenue cuz he and his slutty girlfriend from the summer of '68, francie schwartz were renting PHSYCO and it would be fun (just pretend you could rent movies back then) so they all went...

Continued on Feb 24, 1998

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