Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Feb 20, 1998
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Continued from Feb 19, 1998

as john was lying on the ground all dead, he said to paul "please please PLEASE let this be the end for the streetcars!!" they started whining, when outta of the sky came someone who scared the shit outta them...

...Darth Vader! "I am the dark lord, creator of all evil and streetcars. Please......can I have your autograph?" Paul & John obliged. "cheers thanks a lot", said Vader as he got into his tie-fighter and sped off into the night sky. "Who the bloody hell was that?" said Paul "Don't know, but his breath smelt fucking awful, onions & garlic." John lit a Norwegian Wood.....

..and looked behind him. He saw a bunch of people going to the Carnival. "What? Carnival? Are you going to New Orleans or somewhere like that?", he asked. "Nay, it's the fun time in the South. By meaning South America. Wanna follow us?"

Suddenly the norwegian wood turned into a holgraphic princess leia. "hot bird.. but lose the buns!" commented john to 'imself. Princess Leia said, "Please save me, terrible music by a band called the beatles is ruining my earth alderaan!" John and paul looked at each other. "George and ringo!?!?"

They've got crap in the microwave!Why would someone do that? In the microwave!... . it isn't the refrigorator. YOU'LL GiVE EVERYONE THE CHICKENS! The stew was made for the king he likes it that way! I don't ask qustions I do what AM TOLD. NOW LEAVE ME with my gourmet crap and maybe you'll get some too (although you must prove you deserve it!) ...and the then the trouble started everyone was going crazy due to the new band EVERYONE WAS EATING CRAP. those two can't control themselves. paul & john must help or there will be a pooh-eating contastrafee!

Both John and Paul turned a beautiful shade of puke green. "That's ok, no poo for me!" "Yeah, uh, I just ate!" They backed away slowly from the holographic princess and the poop-crazed maniacs and found themselves in London walking beside the Thames. "Pee-YEW," groaned Paul. "This river is disgusting!"

John then told Paul that the monarchy in england was a farce and that he compromised any credibility he had by accepting the knighthood. John continued saying that he was glad he left England because England was boring anyway and that the monarchy was a bunch of garbage left over from the Middle Ages anyway and it should have ridden itself of all those trashy inbreds a long time ago like France and Germany did.

The real John Lennon returned and began to harass people on the bagism web site because he thought most of them were boring uptight stiffs. He started posting messages on the Web Boards as rich ramirez and all the uptight 13 year olds complained because he wasn't "hippie" enough. John was sick of people portraying him as king of hippies.

"I'm not a hippie" He yelled as he mounted his soapbox in Hyde Park. "I'm not a hippie because they all went away and left their causes when the 60's ended. Where's all that spirit now?" an old woman feeding a bird looked up at him. "Raving lunatic" she said to her husband, Harold, who had benn dead for twenty years.

As John walked down a street, (I dunno-Haight-Ashbury? *snicker*) he saw a broken and desolate Mick Jagger clutching an album to his chest, in his Nehru garb, tears running down his face sobbing "You can't always get what you want." (that's a kick-ass song by the way and if you don't like it you can kiss my-heh heh oops off track!) "Hey man what's up with the song?" asked John to which Mick replied "It's going to be a hit a few years from now and I'm upset cause this here record of mine makes my seductive lips look swollen" "They are mate-I think you got mono." "Mono? well shite. that's what it is. oh well at least it was enjoyable the way I got it ha ha" To which John walloped Mick across the face, then on 2nd thought picked up his friend and said "C'mon mate let's go record a #1. I'm gonna call it All You Need is LSD" Let's go friend! Then they got hit by a streetcar.

Continued on Feb 21, 1998

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