Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Feb 14, 1998
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Continued from Feb 13, 1998

“Tell me,” Paul said hurriedly, “What’s that strange noise coming from behind your head?” But it was too late, the offer had expired and was void in Alaska. After the residents of New Jersey added their sales tax, Paul returned from the kitchen carrying a rather large dog which was coated in mayonnaise. “She’s all yours!” he announced with a slick voice as he deposited the dog on top of some cheese. “You’ll get fur in the crackers,” John admonished him strongly, adding, “nobody wants to eat fur.” Paul smirked. “I’m so damn hungry I could eat a Magnavox. Maybe two if I’m lucky.” Paul bit down on a piece of chocolate which was lodged underneath the chair. “Probably a Snickers,” he thought. But by this time the lawnmower had arrived, and Ringo was besought by frustration. “Praise God how do they fit all these gears in there?” Ringo wondered as he chewed on a pigmy. “Beats the hell out of me,” laughed John as he poured motor oil all over the marigolds. “Gives ‘em that nice color, don’t you think?”

George walked up, dazed and confused.....what had just happened to him???

"what happened to the Beautiful marigolds??" He looked accusingly at John.

Paul watched John 'water' the marigolds carefully. George grabbed the oil can from John. " Shame on you!!" he yelled, "Hurting the poor marigolds!!" John shot him a glare that would have killed most men. "umm....John?" Paul asked, incuring John's wrath, " what you said about....uh....killing me...." He figeted nervously "Yes. I meant every word." Paul looked even more uncomfortable untill....

A Huge Purple space craft decended from the heavens and sent a tractor beam yanking the four boys, the lawnmower and most of the marigolds through the air. As they flew Upwards...George started to yell.


"loki mornudhk ashwak kidjl idjsdi a;l,cim *7329(*&#*0- Hello...." said a green alien

He just stared. "I don't spik yer language very help mi." "What do you want?" "Tak mi ta yer leader.", the alien said.

"so there really are Green Men..." Ringo mused

"Wha?", the alien looked to Ringo. I guess that thwe martian didn't know enough English to understand that. . "Forget. Who's the one you're searching?" "Yer leader. The man tha yer call Lennon." They jkust looked to eachother. "What for?", they asked in unison.

"The peope in mi plamet are organizin' a...what's da wor? Festival. And we wan' yer leader to play therre." ,the alien said.

But it was too late. JOHN WASN'T THE LEADER Paul thought visciously to himself. WHY DID HE ALWAYS GET THE ATTENTION? John approached the little green man and as he did so, in a fit of rage, Paul pulled a club out of his pocket and smashed all the aliens on the head, one after the other until they were all dead. "Well THAT wasn't necessary, Macca" John said in a rather calm, cool and collected tone of voice. But that was just before he...

knocked Paul off his high horse by spitting on his shoes.

"My shoess!!!!" yelled paul "I just bought these yesterday" with this, tears welled up in his eyes a he blindly attempted to knock John out. John ducked and... was hit by a streetcar.

But he was alright because it had all been a dream! John had fallen asleep while Cyn was getting ready for the valentines day party they were going to at Paul's house (7 Cavendish Ave.) that night. Now she was ready to go and shaking him in attempts to wake him up "John? John! we're going to be late!" she was saying in her soft, kind voice. John groaned and got up. "Lets get going then" he said. They walked out into the cool night. It was already dark outside. The got into their Rolls and enjoyed the 1/2 drive to London. When they arrived at the gates to Paul and Jane's house they noticed something strange...

A large, saucer-shaped object was hovering over the house! Paul stepped out of the car and stared. "What the hell?" he said softly, quite shocked to be seeing a UFO. He shrugged, resigned to the fact that what he was seeing was real. "And I thought flying saucers only happened in the midwestern US," he commented, slightly bemused.

John, Ringo and George made short work of hopping from the car, eager to see just what it was hovering over Paul and Jane's house and, as John put it, "Just what the bloody hell it thought it was doing there." But just as the four Beatles were about to get closer, a car pulled up and out stepped two figures in dark business clothes. As they neared, Paul could see that one was a rather attractive woman with red hair and green eyes, and the other was a tall, brooding man with dark hair and brown eyes. Both looked serious, though the man looked a bit excited.

"Agent Fox Mulder, FBI," he announced, flashing a wallet with some ID inside. "And this is my partner, Dana Scully." Mulder gestured to the woman standing next to him. He paused thoughtfully to look up at the saucer, still hovering as it had been for the last few minutes. After a few moments, Mulder deigned to explain what he was doing there. "We happened to be investigating some crop cirles in the area, and we saw this UFO. It seemed to be worth investigating." Mulder shrugged and Scully rolled her eyes. She had *told* him that it was probably swamp gas. Of course, she hadn't accounted for the fact that there weren't a whole lot of swamps in London.

Paul looked askance at Mulder. He wasn't quite sure if he bought what this man was saying. "You're joking, right? You're not from the FBI. And besides, what are a couple of FBI agents doing in London, anyway. You have no jurisdiction here..."

Mulder frowned, slightly annoyed. "We at the FBI don't have a sense of humor that we are aware of, sir," he said seriously. Then he cracked a smile. "At least, most of us don't. See, Scully and I run the X-Files, a set of cases that involve paranormal stuff. This seemed to fit the bill, so we were wondering if you'd just let us look around a bit and see what we find." Paul raised an eyebrow and looked back at John and the other Beatles who all shrugged as if to say, "The fans get weirder by the second, don't they?" Then Paul turned back to Mulder and Scully and said...

"D'ya mind if I have I look under that coat, Love?" Scully pulled away from him. "They're your heroes, Mulder, you deal with them." JOhn stepped forward. "Niiiice...Nice bird, fella.." Mulder blushed. "She's uh..not mine,,," "Oh, I see...yer hers!" John grinned.

"That's it! I am NO MAN'S posession, and I'll thank you to keep your hands to yourself!" screamed Scully. "MULDER!" Mulder just stood there and grinned.

JUST THEN!!! The grey sky turned red as blood and two lightning bolts struck out down, striking Mulder and Scully, and killing them, DEAD as doornails. "Well," John said, "what a shame." "Surely. But atleast it wasn't us." Paul commented.

"I liked the red-head..." John turned away from the charred bodies. "So, Lennon, Whatter we going to do tonight?" "I dunno...We could go get pissed and drive until we pass out..." "That's a terrible idea" "Got a better one, MacCartney?" He shook his head.

John rolled over on his side to continue sleeping. He smiled in his sleep. Almost Christmas. They'd put the tree up at the Dakota. Wreaths hung on the massive gates. He pulled the blanket up to his chin.

His dreams were pleasant and sun filled. He ran ahead of Aunt Mimi onto the lawn. "Come on , Mimi, we'll be late...." "We won't" "We'll miss the band, Mimi." he'd run back and was pulling her across the lawn to the Salvation Army band. He cocked his head and listened to the trumpets.

Continued on Feb 15, 1998

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