Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Feb 12, 1998
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Continued from Feb 11, 1998

on the wall.. John's eyes darted about the room, looking for something, anything, that was more interesting, than to listen to Paul babble on about his sex life. John turned, looked at the water cooler, and then walked over to the window..."And then I," Paul continued to babble.. "Paul, you know....." john said.

"I LOVE YOU!" exclaimed John. "I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU, PAUL!"

"What the hell...!" said Paul. Then he beat John with a raw salmon until he shut up.

"OI! you could've hit me with cooked Salmon you bastard". "I do apologise" said Paul. They sat down. Paul said to Mr.Lennon,"What a larf eh?" John replied, "why did you say LARF?" "Oh it's because the people who often make our stories up aren't from Britain, and they think it's how I talk, like!" "anyone knows that people from the north of England say LAFF", said John. "Iknow, I know. Just humour them, John" Paul replied. "right ok, erm...cor blimey guvnor lets go to tea shall we, what?" said John sounding a little like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. "You taking the piss aren't you Lennon?", Paul laughed. "Yes, it seems I am", said John as he got up and grabbed a buttered scone from the table. "You got to haven't yer?"

"paul, we have got to settle this thing once and for all" said John"I don't like all this putting each other down, everyone knows you have the biggest ego on the planet, (Earth that is, possibly Jupiter also." "Whatin he-" started Paul "Just wait I'm not finished, I don't want to die when I'm forty ya' know"

"Yeah," said Paul. "That would suck."

then a heavenly voice came in: "yes john, you did die around forty and it sucked." "hey what was dat voice?" questioned Paul. "Dunnno, sounded like Rea or Anna again.." lamented John. "Well i better get going, you know? got a band practice with the blues brothers," said John leaving. "see ya" said Paul who then went away to get horny.

but as John was walking he came across a ladder. "What the bloody hell's a ladder doing here?" he thought to himself. Then he said aloud, "What the hell; I'll climb it." so he did. it went up and up and up, and when he reached the top, someone had climbed the other side. She was an Oriental woman with long hair. When she saw him, she cluched him and said, "John, stay awake! You can't leave us alone!"

then, the oriental woman shoved john thru a doorway. on the other side, he was stuck in... MIDEVIL ENGLAND! *GASP!* suddenly, paul fell from the sky, and landed with a thump! on a pile of hay. ringo came up from the ground, and george came walking by eating a whole turkey leg and wearing really funny-looking clothes. "oh, hey fellas. i was wonderin when you'd get here," george said...

The lads looked down to see themselves clad in the same garb. "Eeyuck!" yelled Paul. "This is the worst outfit I've ever had to wear!" John and Ringo began laughing hysterically as Paul tried to get rid of all the different layers of clothing, but after he'd ripped one layer off, another would be right under it, exactly the same.

So the beatles were stuck in a time warp and no one in the reality of the swinging sixites in swinging London could figure out where they were, or how they were going to cover up this sudden dissappearance. Brian was getting very upset about what people would think, so he got Mick Jagger and Keith Richards and locked them into a kitchen pantry and told them to try to make up some songs. "Make them like the beatles - hurry the hell up!" he says. "Oh, literally, y'mean?" Mick yells back and then he and keith start making noises and screaming "Oh Paul! Oh, JOHNNY!" after a few hours of that, they come out wearing eachother's clothes... but meanwhile back in medeival england...

"What are we DOING here? This isn't one of those revivals of Robin Hood or something, is it?" John whined. Paul resented that cause everyone knows that Jane Asher always played Marian in those Robin Hood revivals. And she was very good, too, might I add. Anyways, just then some knight of the bloody round table came galloping up. But it wasn't John Cleese. It was a woman, disguised cleverly as a very feminine male (a la Leonardo DiCaprio) She took off her armor and winked at Paul. He was always getting winked at these days. "Hello, boys," the woman said in a sultry voice (a la Leo again).

She just stared at them, stiffing a laughter. "It seems we've been knocking on each other time and time again.", she said. "One of those girls!", John said. "Who are you, Anna or Rea? Or maybe none of them?" "Well, you got to guess. Listen up, are you wanting to get outa here or not?"

"Of course we do!" was the collective answer. The girl just stared at the window. "Silly anyone of you know how to fight against a dragon?" "Against a WHAT?!?" The girl pointed out of the window - a mighty purple dragon was hanging around the room. "I don't want to end up as some radioactive-fed lizard's dinner. So? Can any of you help me?"

"No," said the girl. The dragon then proceded to eat John.

"DOH!" said John. "Being eaten by a dragon sucks!"

Paul just stood there, watching as the dragon went to devour his best mate. But then, out of the blue, he started singing. SOME PEOPLE WANNA FILL THE WORLD WITH SILLY LOVE SONGS! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? I'D LIKE TO KNOW. CUZ HERE I GO AGAAAAAAAIN... I LOVE YOU... I LOVE YOU.... the dragon raised his head and bent it sideways as if listening, then, not after a second took off at lightning speed and flew away. John stood up from where he had be cowering in fear. "Thanks, mate" he said to Paul "I knew those sappy songs had to be good for something." But Paul hadn't thought about what a commontion this could start. All the young maids from medeiveil england had heard his angelic voice, and were now running in flocks towards him....

Paul just smiled.

Continued on Feb 13, 1998

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