Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Feb 09, 1998
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Continued from Feb 08, 1998

For May the room began to spin. Why was she hanging out here? What the hell could she do with John Lennon? Apart from sex that is. All-of-a-sudden it hit her...well a few things did...1) she didn't belong in this story. 2)John really loved Yoko, Sean and Julian...and she was just a cheap extra. 3)Paul's body had flown through the air, because after vomiting on Klaus's shoes, he had decided to throw Paul across the room. The impact of Paul on May's head was terrible...

"ohhhhh... sorry, luv" Paul said in a sexy husky voice that he knew drove the girls wild. He began to get off of May (he had landed right on top of her). She couldn't move. Somehow everything had become crystal clear "OHHH.... PAUL!!!!" she gasped as she pulled him back on top of her. He didn't seem to mind... in the least... but just then, John and Keith Moon walked in, roaring drunk... "hiya !" John said," fancy a pint of beer and an eccles cake?" No-one moved. "I said would anyone like an pint of beer and an eccles cake?" Everyone looked in astonishment at the pork- scratching sellotaped to Keiths left nipple. "ooops..", said Keith, biscuit in mouth.

"Why can't nobody hear us?", Keith asked. "Am I scaring you, fellows?". Nobody moved again.

Yes, but that was besides the point. if everyone brought their love lives into this story, it could become very long, boring and... unsuitable! So anyway, there's Paul lying on top of John's girlfriend and John's acting like nothing has happened. "I SAID DOES ANYONE WANT A BEER?!" John screamed. He looked directly at Paul, who was covering most of May's body. Maybe John hadn't seen her face and didn't know it's her. Paul absolutely loved pissing John off by stealing his girlfriends, so he moved, to make certain John got a look at May's face. He stood there, expressionless for a moment and then... He ran off. If she really wanted to be with Pual thdn he could have her. HE would be sorry the the next day when a visit to the doctor would be in order. Paul was in the doctor's office when the doctor said....

"Paulie," the somber faced doctor intoned seriously. Paul getting nervous noticed a silver hammer next to the medical "expert." Paul, wondering if he was going to die suddenly realized the world was whirrling. Hell, he thought. "You are completely ok despite that nasty spill you had yesterday. I heard from a certain woman named May that you fell on her and were knocked out cold until a couple of minutes ago. Everyone was quite worried, I might add." Paul, in grasping the breaking his fragile ego, realised May did NOT want to be anyone's lover but John's and his suppressed dream of being her man was a bull... Despite the doctor being like Maxwell, Paul realised he was quite competent after all but had an idea for a song from this man...

"thank you, mister man" he said cheerfully as he skipped (Paul never walks) out of the office. Outside, the sun was beating down on Londond, and it just smelled like summer. Life was good. But then, just as Paul was checking out some absolutely gorgeous girls across the street, regaining his monstrous ego, something terrible happened...

"Paul! I'm pregnant!" a hysterical May ran up to him. Paul was so taken by surprise, his jaw dropped, and for once in his life, he couldn't find the right words. He just stood there, staring at her. As all good things must come to an end, Paul's moment of silence only lasted about 30 seconds, giving him time to think about the situation. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked her, hoping that playing it cool would mislead her. "Well... i think you know why!" she was on the verge of tears. Paul didn't care. "If you are trying to tell me the baby is mine, no way. Sorry, luv it doesn't happen like that. We didn't even..." "YES WE DID!" may interrupted him. "But YOU probably don't remember."

Paul thought hard. Long and hard. So many girls. So many sleazy motel rooms, so many limos, so many cars, so many bathroom stalls, so many gas-stations, so many ditches... could one of those times have been with May? Wouldn't her remember her? Probably not, he realized. "John will kill me and he will sure as hell kill you if he finds out" may began "so i have a plan that might work....

But before he could tell her the plan Hitler marched right over May with the rest of the the Third Riech behind him trampling May to death."Well there goes my problem ." ,said Paul looking do wn on May.Then all of a sudden a spaceship landed and out stepped giant cream danishes who planned to take over planet Earth but Paul ,thinking fast 'pulled out his guitar and began to serenade them when a big purple dragon rode by on a blue bycicle being chased by a night named Sir Ode To His Horse , Who stopped to talk to Paul.

but Paul wasn't having any of it. Despite what he thought, deep down inside Paul had really loved may. He was just very afraid (and we're talking HORRIFIED here) of commitment and that's why he always had affairs and made them common knowledge. Not until later in his life when he found a controlling blonde american who would turn a blind eye to his many faults and get pregnant would he finally commit. But that was way in the future. And, so what was i saying? *narrator scratches his/her head* oh, yes, Paul wasn't having any of it. This alien had just killed the love of his life. "YOU BLOODY BASTARD!" Paul yelled at him, and with that, clamoured the guitar on Sir Ode to his horse's head. he was dead. Paul smiled a sad little smile and went to find some action elsewhere...

He saw a door. And he passed thru it. And he was somewhere in other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Bloody hot somewhere across the ocean. He could hear some people arguing. "Damn it, Annie, how could you lose it?" "I don't know. Heaven above me, I don't know! I'd give a kiss in the one who can find my screenplay!". Paul laughed - he was stepping on it.

John grinned at Paul's antics. just like Paul to do that...just like Paul to do something that foolish. But he was no saint, either. Far from it. He'd had lower lows than Paul ever had. But he'd never had to wash his face in a toilet in a Japanese prison. A low chuckle rose from his lips. Paul sneered back at him.

"shhh...I am trying to listen what they are saying." "Who?", John asked, looking to his bandmate as if he went nuts. Perhaps it was the news. Paul kept on seeing those two kids. "Oh man", the girl shouted. give up. I have to write it al again." The boy looked to her. "If I cold swear in this story, Annie, you'd hear something. Anyway, catch that book and let's start. It all started with a flaming pie." "Right. Back to the beginning...May? Are you helping us?" May shouted. "I can't! I'm taking care of the baby." Annie sighed and turned to the boy, called Robin called. "Within her, without her. Let's start."

Well, John THOUGHT Paul was sneering at him, but it seems that Paulie was GRIMMACING due to a strange and not-to-pleasant odor. The fact is, John was looking at Paul thru a purple mirror in a silver frame, so Paul couldn't have possibly heard John's chuckle. Anyhoo, Paul picked up the screenplay and handed it to Annie. She tried to kiss him, but he pushed her away.

"But it never started with a fookin' flaming pie!" John ranted wildly, banging on the mirror. "It never had any of that stuff...We wanted to be like Buddy Holly and the Crickets" John gave up and rested his shredded voice. A pack a day could do that. Due to the Gaulois, he had become a one take wonder. "Due to shite...they just don't know what I want in a studio any more!"

"woa! For the first time I see you refusing a kiss!", Annie said, handing the screenplay. "Well, thank you very very much anyway!" , she said, then turning to Robin "Look, Rob, this guy found the text!" "Glory aleluia! We can proceed with the rehearsal, then." Annie turned to Paul. "Wanna stay and watch? This is our last rehearsal - tomorrow we're debuting at Her Majesty's "

Then, the strange honey-haired girl from a few days back walked into the room through a triangle-shaped doorway. "hi, Paul." she said. "Miranda..." whispered Paul. "I'm sorry I never called you, but George stole the pound note with your number on it so he could buy jellybabies." "That's ok," said Paul. And suddenly, they were on a flying, flaming pie, floating through the clouds...

they landed on the lawn of ringo's house, because he is the starr of this story

And Annie and Robin stared at the sky, just wondering who the hell were those two guys, flying in a flaming pie. "Well, at least he was nice in handing me back the text. Alright, everybody!...our participation on this story ends here, I think. Back to the rehearsal". The play was called "How To Be An Alien", and it was written that it would win the International Festival Of Theatre, that would happen in Belfast by the end of the semester. Back to the pie, please...

Robin, however, didn't move an inch. He stared at the hole of the roof. It was a line of the play. "Whoever comes to you, it will come crashing down as a rocket over the sky. It is written that nothing in the world will be easy to you." Annie was just worried with the pouring rian that would enter into the theatre. And John, looking thru the mirror, was just wondering where his bandmate went to.

meanwhile ,george had gone off to india to visit the maharashi mesha yogi { or however that is spelled }to practice on his meditation skills.while he was there he got this gear idea . . . .

...why don't i quit the band?

But he decided not to, and went to find Ringo so they could go out and find some pies. While he was flying back to England, he saw this flying pie, and Paul was on it with that Miranda chick.

suddenly a groovin' little hippie chick comes wanderin' up to the camera an says in an absolutely enormous voice, "YOU RETARDS, YOU KEEP POSTING NEW ENTRIES BEFORE I CAN ADD TO THE STORY! QUIT IT! i HATE that!!" then she runs off and disappears into the horizon

"so anyway, does this story have some kind of direction or is it sposta be like that movie spice world?? what's wrong with those chicks anyway??? they dress like cheap whores!" ... says the narrator, digressing once again...

"Sorry!" Miranda called to her, and the hippie chick came back. She gave Paul a ring, and said "Give this to Ringo, he needs to wear it." "uhh... is this gonna be like that time some bird gave him a ring, and the four of us nearly got killed?" he asked. the hippie chick just laughed and shook her head "no" before running off again.

Hmmm...something is smeling rotten in it. But who am I to deny such a kind wish?

I dunno. Anyways, then the ring turns around and EATS Ringo.

MMMMM!!!! Tastes like chicken!

Back to that theatre...Annie noticed something was gone again. "Eh, Robin, where's my ring?" "Ring? Which ring?" "That one you gave me as a birthday present, you bloody fool. It was right here at my finger." Robin shook his head. 'First the screenplay and now the ring! Annie you have such a lousy head." "Lousy head I'm going to tell you who has. Well, don't look at me this way, you fool, help me!" And they kneeled on the ground, trying to find the ring. "If that guy that found the screenplay were here.", she sighed. "Yeah, if. But he isn't."

"Who was he, by the way?" "Dunno. He had a nice face, though." She stood up again. "It will appear. If it's in this world, it will appear.", she sighed. "Is there any Indian god to protect the things that get lost? They have one too many gods and goddesses." "I dunno, but whatever, I'll pray. That ring cost me such a sweated money, ya know?"

Then it ate her.

"So I drink of the skies of an evening nothing at all." The worst thing that can ever happen to you is end up at the stomach of some ring - and it starts to hum some David Bowie song. nothing against Bowie, but the situation isn't for music....

IT'S FOR DESTROYING THE EVIL RING! Everybody took up axes and ran towards the ring when all of a sudden...

they ended up eaten too. Ugh.

This is getting ugly! Where's that great new band ORGANIZED CHAOS to provide inspirational music when you need them?

Probably eaten too.

Right there where they supposed to be - outside the story! Kiddin'. What could happen when you have a lot of people inside a tiny place ( I bet that the ring's stomach wasn't that big )?

Well, I guess it ended up that all the fellows were like fishes in a tin. Very funny to imagine, but not very funny to be at. Annie shouted: "ANYONE HAS A MATCH? THIS PLACE IS KINDA DARK!"

You never know! I wouldn't like to find out! ANYWAY, then someone just called the Bad Plot Line Police and they got rid of the ring. All cheered and ORGANIZED CHAOS played some reall cool stuff with like a 15 minute drum solo!

Woa, thanks, policeman, Annie said, leaving the stroy and going back the the theatre. She'd tell her folks back at the stage the story - and, of course, nobody would believe it!


( but oh she'd try to tell them. And by the way, just asking, you know, I never saw May anymore. Is she really dead? )

HEY!!! WHY IS ANNIE IN THE STORY?? I'M ANNIE AND I DIDN'T WRITE THAT! "wow, some cool person put *me* in the story!" Annie yelled down from heaven. Everyone just stared at her as they usually did, but now back to Paul... All his girlfriends were now dead. First May, now Annie. what was he gonna do? Paul looked down at the two dead girls lying in the street just as...

HE GOT HIT BY A STREETCAR!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! THIS IS FUN!!! Paul has some bad luck with girlfriends! Didn't that Sally girl get killed yesterday?

Yep, much to my anger ( wait a second I liked Sally, you'll get my skin for that? ). And talking about bad luck, did you hear a mirror smashing just behind you?....

I did. Who had broken it? Not me for sure...

DOH! That sucks. *stops to pick up pieces* I didn't like Sally. Paul should've belted her for calling him "Teddy Boy" all the time.

It was John she used to call Teddy Boy. and enough with it. If she's dead, she's dead. End of the story. Have you picked all the pieces?

But Paul was really upset. they were all dead. "OH GOD, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?" he cried. Just then, as if in a dream, there was May, Sally, Miranda and last, and best ANNIE! they weren't really dead, it had all been a joke John was playing on him to get him back for stealing his last red M&M in Hamburg. "OH!!! ANNIE!!! YOU'RE NOT DEAD, MY LOVE!" Paul cried as she ran into his arms and he was just about to kiss her when...

He fell down a giant pothole, possibly left over from Pittsburgh. Annie is once again alive because no one feels like killing her again for the moment.

People gathered around the hole to stare at Paul. Suddenly out of nowhere came that great band ORGANIZED CHAOS and they started jamming in the middle of the street much to the delight of the onlookers who threw money and travelers checks at them. :^)

Then they all went home and logged on to the OFFICIAL ORGANIZED CHAOS HOMEPAGE at *CHEAP PLUG*

DAH! There will be no cheap plugs in this book! Go sit in the corner for that one!

Oh, ok. :^(

Anyways, Paul was in a pothole with Annie or someone. I used to date a girl named Annie. MAN, was she cute!!! I wouldn't mind being stuck in a pothole with HER one bit!

John threw the mirror across the room. He watched it shiver into a thousand pieces. He was tired of watching Paul's antics. He was tired of everything. He kicked the shards of glass and watched them skittle across the floor. any anger he had felt was lessening. He was sorry to have broken the purple looking glass. Sorry to have destroyed his Alice-like dream.

On the 23rd Aug. 1974 at 9 o'clock John saw a U.F.O.

it landed, at two guys in black suits. "hello who are you?" asked John. "My name is Elwood and this is my brother Jake. We're called the BLUES BROTHERS," said the really tall guy. "groovalicious! But, what are you doing?" he asked once more. the fat one spoke. "Well, we decided to invade this story and sing blues tunes!" "Good idea! I am getting rather sick about reading all about me, you know?" said John. The Blues Brother Band and John had a jam with that new band looking for cheap plugs ORGANIZED CHAOS. It was great until another U.F.O. landed. And out came Scully and Mulder to break up the party... (yes people, SCULLY and MULDER!)

I did see a UFO. May believed me. "There's no May now, John" Get out of my head, get out of my head.....Get out!

And they played ORGANIZED CHOAS records! No, just kidding, they had never HEARD of Organized Chaos. (Who's organized choas anyway.) But everyone got sick of Organized Choas (hint, hint), so John decided to start a band featuring the aforementioned voices in his head.

He sat there for a long time, lost in thought. Paul was weeping (wait, Paul would never weep!) Paul was just standing there, trying to decide where he was going to find a new girl to kill off when....they heard someone humming a David Bowie song and they knew they were doomed. "Oh great..." was all John could mumble before...

He was blinded by a big white light in the horizons of his mind. The light all of a sudden rushed and he tumbled in a panic. "Shite," he screamed as he began to lose conciousness for what seemed a second. When he awoke, he saw the ghosts of friends and lovers lost. It was amazing seeing Stu again (though he may not be dead yet) and seeing the beauty of every woman that he has loved within one being that approached him gently in his hallucination. "I am here to help." she cooed as he squinted confusedly at her. It was the woman he had missed so greatly for many years...

it was sunflower. she was here to heel john's wounds again. and he took her in his arms.... but....... guess what happened?

Continued on Feb 10, 1998

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