Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Feb 07, 1998
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Continued from Feb 06, 1998

When he opened his eyes the entire room was spinning, and the lava lamp on the dresser seemed to be dancing expressly for him. Screaming for attention the purple glob began to sway mesmerixingly inside of its silver glass. John, being the kind lad with a hangover that he was, offered to let the little bit of lava out of its lamp. It did not grant him a wish, but it did begin to lavate away far beneath the underground leaving a purple streak behind it. "Crazy stuff" thought john. If lava can just come out an dcrawl away what else can? He began to free plants and socks and parakeets, and goldfish and spoons.

...Soon the whole room was crawling with different things of odd shapes and sizes filling the room...

Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup...don't you think it's a cool beginning to a song, Teddy Boy? "Sally! You are alive!" "Why, of course I am. Nobody ever dies in their dreams, Teddy Boy. But I am not going to stay with you, this time. I am very busy... Lots of crazy people nowadays...Very peculiar, don't you think?" Strange days indeed -- most peculiar, Sally, john answered. She laughed and she was gone again.

"thank god she is gone, " said John to 'imself. He really didn't like that Sally girl. Well John was about to go drinking with his dear friends when he heard a voice.. "Obi-wan never told you the truth about the band..." said the voice. "DARTH VADER! what the HELL are you doing here... again?!?!" yelled John. "you are joining the dark side, Johnny Boy HAHAHA" said darth in his deep baritone.

John reached out and grasped the mask and removed it from Darths face, Oh Yoko ! You are always changing your voice. I guess that bespeaks the artist in you, always creating. Creating,....creating,..my god! I haven't written a song in awhile, maybe I should start.

From the Other Side What was it I said about a world with no religion, no possesions, well it seems so long ago. Now I'm on the other side and find that all my dreams were real and there is no heaven or hell below.

People listen to me as if I'm still here. You will see the reason we're alive is so very clear. You live on earth to learn of life. You live to learn about the path of light and love.

If you go on fighting with your silly little games, You'll never reach the other side of your dreams. Dreams,....dreams,...so very real or so it seems Dreams,... dreams,... on the other side of reality.

Can we learn that love is the only answer, what else could be with out a doubt, The only reason were are here to learn to love without the fear, without possessing another, without holding down each other. Learn to love your brother and your sister. dreams,...dreams,... we're all one family dreams,...dreams,... Love each other as one family.

I will leave you to go on with your story about what you learn in your measely little world. You'll learn someday that love is here to stay and you learn that there is love in your heart.

Hmmm not too bad for a first draft,.. john closed his eyes to dream of tomorrow,..

but he didn't have long to dream, because Paul came bustin into his flat with Ringo in tow. it seems thatt Ringo's head had turned into a giant slice of pie, honey pie, to be exact...

Ringo had gone completely balmy and had tried scratching his face off while screaming "HONEY DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" John and Paul looked at each other, and just like in Help, John started biting his finger, and Paul winked. Just as they were getting ready to devour Ringo, George burst in and screamed...

"HELP! I NEED SOMEBODY!" it seems that the EEEVIL muppet Bert had created a potion to turn everyone into their favorite foods. upon closer inspection of george, the lads discovered that he was turning a slightly jelly-babish shade. Paul looked at John, John looked at Paul, and then...

Suddenly out of nowhere the voice of Graham Cleese filled the air (or was it somebody else?) and said "And now for something totally different" and one of those kick-ass cartoons came on the screen. But this time John was the cartoon taking a trip inside the body of.....

Former President of the United States Rutherford B. Hayes.

just then rutherford ate the beatles... The Beetle beetles not the group... anyways... Rutherford then began to speak of peace and love.. just then Abe Lincoln stepped in and shot Hayes in the foot....

with a carrot.

And then the carrot jumped up, screaming, "AHHH! buy some Dr. Scholl's foot powder, Hayes!" as it ran out of the room. Then, George Washington climbed in thru a window and said, "you guys aren't Paul and George." Abe replied...

you are storm troopers.Suddenly Darth Vader came in.John said, "what are you doing here.""Calling collect"vader replied.George washington asked John, "Is this odd creature a federalist or a republican?" "what are you talking about?""Vader said"Did you see my son, Noel Gallagher, I was trying to get him to join my side."Vader opened his light saber.Suddenly Noel came in and through a pie at Vader."I've got my magic pie"Then vader took his suit off and out popped a gigantic 3 ton walrus.

but it wasn't really a walrus. it was heather, masha, andy and reggie in a suit. they were having a romp in the hay and it made it look like the walrus blubber was really shaking hard and jiggling all over the place. end of paragraph.

Magic pie...doesn't that sounds incredably familiar? Yes it does...it all started with a pie. Funny.

Nobody ever talked about the Garden Of Maybe anymore...you know, from the other story...must be really lost, that thought...but it was such a place to be at. It was good to dream.

Just then, everything started swirling, like the world had just been flushed down the toilet. "Whoah" said John in as very drugged out voice. Then everything turned to black. ************************************************* There was a light on. John could tell this even though his eyes were closed. Someone was shaking him. "C'mon Mimi, just 5 more minutes?" John muttered, barely awake enough to talk. More shaking. "John get up!" said a voice that was deffinately not Mimi. "Alright, alright" muttered John. It was Paul and Brian Epstein. But Paul looked different, somehow. John sat there with his still sleep-ladden mind and tried to think. Then he figured it out. "OH MY GOD, PAUL, YOU'RE A WALRUS!!!!!" "That's not the worst of it, John, your feet are carrots," Paul-the-purple-walrus said calmly. "I JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS PRESSURE!!!!" yelled John. He got up and ran out of the room crying buckets. The door slammed behind him. There was a moment of silence.

Then Brian said in a very quiet voice, "Well, I guess I'd better go talk to him." He got up and walked out the door. "SERENITY NOW!!!!!" yelled Paul.************************************* Brian quietly opened the door the the back porch. "What do you want, Eppy?" A low voice broke through the silence. It was John. "Are you OK, John?" asked Brian. "I don't want to talk about it right now, Eppy. I just want to be alone." Brian moved closer. "John, I think I owe it to you to tell you something." Silence. "John, Paul has always been a walrus. And your feet have always been carrots. You just never noticed it before." He went and sat beside John. "You see, you had an operation to change your brain chemicals so you wouldn't notice things like this when you were a kid. I guess all the stress you've been under the last few months finally made you notice." He put his arms around John and gave him a big BROTHERLY hug. "Oh, Brian, I'm so confused!" sobbed John.

"It's okay, it's okay," soothed Brian, rubbing John's back. After a few seconds, John had calmed down enough to speak. He pulled out of the hug and looked Brian straight in the eyes. "Brian, I want to quit the group." "No, John, you can't!" "Why not? The lads don't need me. And Paul's always wanted to be the leader. Here's his chance." "John, you and I both know that Paul's nothing but a big walrus." He pulled John into yet another hug. "Yeah, I guess I know that now," John said bitterly. "John, listen to me. You can't quit. The Beatles are 1 unit, 1 group made up of 4 very talented people. If one of you lads quits, there won't be a Beatles anymore." Brian continued, "You're likes parts of the same body. Paul is the heat. George is the soul. And you, John, you're the brain." "What's Ringo, then?" said John's muffled voice. "Ringo's the nose." (Whew! I had to go through a lot just to get to that Ringo's nose joke! Hope you enjoyed the cheesy smarm.) ... .john thought to himself

"What do I care of there's no more Beatles? George'll be an electrician..." He said the word, relishing every sound. "And Paul'll be some daft balladeer in a bar somewhere.." "But where will you be, John? Drunk somewhere? Dead?" It was true- he hadn't had an alternate plan for himself. Sonce the moment Mimi had told him he;d never make a living with a guitar, he'd focused all his efforts on doing just that.

and he had done that , and more than that. " i am john lennon " he thought." i cant just go off and get drunk and die. what would the world be without me?" so john decided not to quit hte group . he needed a little insporation though so he turned to . . .

but then this really hot girl named.... Skylar walked into the story and George, John and Ringo got in a fist fight over her while Paul (being the smooth, calculating guy he is)....

Continued on Feb 08, 1998

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