Bagism: Library

Skywriting -- Feb 06, 1998
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Continued from Feb 05, 1998

"Love..." Paul murmered. "What?!? Giggled George who was the only other person present in their hotel room. "All you need is..." he woke up and saw George laughing. "I had an interesting dream y'know" "Aie! I saw yer shaking and nodding and mumbling!" "But, I thought up this terrific concept!" "You don't need it, Paul" John burst in, "All you neede is this band, y'know that." "But... it's not everything!" Paul tried to tell. "I reckon that all you really need is Love." Ringo muttered as he followed John in the room. "SHURRUP!" everyone screamed, they were talking. 'Oh' thought Ringo 'No one ever listens to me.'

George peered at Ringo. "Of course no one listens to you you're the Drummer." Ringo started to cry. "Oh no! Don't cry!" George begged. "I was only joking!! I thought I heard you say something!" he tried to comfort his friend. "I didn't say anything! I'm not crying about that..." he sobbed. "Actually I don't know why I am really crying!" Paul interuped them... "I think you both are having strange problems!"John suddenly jumped in the air and shouted "DIVORCE THE BITCH!" George laughed at him!!! 'Where did that come from?' John asked himself. George stopped laughing "What? YOu silly get, that came from you mouth! YOu shouted it!" Ringo cried hysterically. 'How did he hear that!' John was freaking out. "John," George said "I can read your mind!" Ringo sobbed loudly "I can't stop crying!!!!!" Paul who appeared to be unaffected said "YOu silly buggers! What's all yer Problems?" "DIVORCE THE BITCH!" John interrupted! "You woke me up from having the most wonderful discovery...now I..." he looked in the mirror...

....and saw that both his arms where missing! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Paul screamed "Ouch, I know that's hurting you!" George said! "The problem..." "DIVORCE THE BITCH" John interrupted him. "it's because I have alarge nose isn't it?" Ringo cried... They all screamed in unison "AHHHHHHHHH! Help!" & found it was their next hit single! (love Jules)

Paul stood about glaring at the other three Beatles as they ran about yelling. *They're acting like bleedin' little kids,* he thought, frustrated. *And that's all right, once in a while, but not ALL the time!* As he thought and thought, Paul became more and more stressed and tense with each passing second. Finally it was just too much. "SERENITY NOW!!!" he yelled, startling the other three Beatles into silence.

"What in the world are you doing, Paul?" demanded John, a bit peeved that Paul had scared him so (he still hadn't forgotten the nightmare he had had earlier).

Paul blushed, now a rather embarrassed at himself. "Linda said I was getting too stressed," he started to explain, "so she bought me a relaxation tape. The man on the tape says that whenever I start to get really pissed off about something I should yell, 'SERENITY NOW!' and it'll make me feel better. Y'know, it really does work." [Note- not a part of the story: forgive this- the author has a bad case of Seinfeld today]

"Well that's all well and good, Paul," put in George, "but do you have to yell it?"

Paul flushed in frustration and shouted, "SERENITY NOW!!!" John George and Ringo jumped and stared at their friend. Paul *did* seem a bit calmer. "I don't know," muttered Paul, looking a bit confused. "The man on the tape didn't say. He just said to say 'SERENITY NOW!' That's all." John, George and Ringo exchanged glances and...

then some dark person appeared after paul said "SERENITY NOW!". "ohmigod, what are YOU doing here? You are suppose to be in the STAR WARS fan fics!!," exclaimed George. It was the evil Darth Vader. Yes people, i repeat, Darth Vader. "Obi-wan never told you WHO started the band," he said. All the beatles looked at each other. John spoke up," i started the band you bloody bloke!" darth Vader laughed. "HAHAHA! Beatles, I AM the former band mate!". All the beatles looked at each other and freaked out. "NOOOOO!"

John opened his eyes. He was sitting against a brick wall in an alley someplace. He heard a clock strike midnight. Standing up, John rearranged his glasses and his hair. He looked around and saw a figure dressed in black standing in the shadows, smoking a cigarette.John blinked and looked closer. "Stu?" he thought. "It can't be." "But it is John," Stu replied, walking over to him. "I'm here to help you." "But where's Yoko?" John asked. "Where's the man with the book?" Stu sighed. "I'm afraid to tell you this John, but you're dead." "What the hell are you talking about Stu?! I'm not dead! I can't be!" Stu beckoned for John to follow him. "Come on, I'm here to help you on your journey."

As Stu helped John get up from the pavement, the sky turned from grey to green and then to a purple haze. Multicolored clouds reached down to them as if they were hands streching out. They picked the two men up and sailed over the glittering skies, over and across the world. Now they sat where they were in contrl of the world and did as they pleased. Being wonderful people, what they pleased was to bring peace into the world. The first major thing they did was abbolish guns. They turned each gun into a beautiful white rose.

Ah! But wait....... there's more to add about the Lovely Heather. The beautiful acoustic guitarist released a hit album and was launched into celebrity status. Of course, being the beautiful bird she is, she quickly found a lover. One day, her and Masha (a girl in the band, the bass guitarist) were walking down Abbey Road when they realized two men were following them. Heather peered around and recognized the tan leather jacket and pink glasses immediately. "Masha! Liam Gallagher and Leonardo DiCaprio are following us!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Heather, calm down!", she replied, her voice betraying her excitement. The boys approached and Liam spoke. "Heather..would you like to go out to Sgt Pepper's Bistro with me?" he said shyly, a rare mood of Liam's. Heather smiled, and Heather and Liam walked away hand in hand. Meanwhile, Masha and Leonardo decided to go on the date also together. After a long night of laughter and amusement, Heather and Liam fell in love for real. They went back to Liam's flat and made love all ...

night. The next morning they woke up and got married.

now that this is getting really boring... masha left leo for her awesome lover, reggie, and heather went back to andy. those two bums were way worse that our TRUE lovers :)

John grumbled at the way his head ached. Star Wars...wasn't that some kind of movie? He didn't remember. But Stu was gone. Sally was mocking him. It didn't seem at all funny now that he was in the other postion. Wonderful, he thought. I could write abook about this. The cover could be a little picture of me in a straightjacket. He laughed. It seemed funnier to him than it had at first. He laughed harder. John's hysterical laughter echoed through dark halls

Lost in thought... how can be someone lost in thought? Just wondering. John was quite tired of being lost in his thoughts. Or trips. Whatever. He found out he was missin' that girl, Sally. She had a very nice laughter. There was one single trouble, though - he didn't know how to find her. But he didn't need to - she was just behind him "Hi, Teddy Boy!", she shouted, laughing.

"Listen up, Johnny, do you still play with that fellow Harrison?", she asked. "I do, why?". "Just askin', you know. I took him for a ride yesterday and he was a bore. Aye,man, a bore. He's nice, though. In spite of the eyebrows. Hey, wanna go for a ride?" "I remember you locked me up once!" "C'mon teddy bioy, no hard feelings. I promise you you will be alright.". And how could John refuse it? He took Sally's hand and walked thru the Gate of Dawn again.

"Where are you taking me, Sally?" . She laughed. "Well, my Teddy Boy, you gotta guess." He was looking around him. Thiose walls, those billboards, those clubs... He was in Hamburg! "Welcome back to the wild side, Teddy Boy.", Sally said... "Ciao. See you when you wake up!". And saying that, she disappeared thru the overcrowded hallways of the Kaiserkeller.

John was exhuberant. New life seemed to course through his veins while revisiting the scene of his most manic performances. "How are you, Lennon?" A girl called out in a thick German accent. "Come and find out later!" Had those actually been his words? Had they come from him? They had. He could speak enough German to invite a girl and later convince her, at least for the night, that she was his only love. God, it was great to be alive.

And only then he remembered of Sally Townshend's words: "See you when you wake up!". By means he would get ut of that. He had to do something to stop her from taking him back. He just didn't know what.

"I don't wanna wake up if it means...." He stopped. what did it mean? when you wake up, if you wake up...I should be able to wake up...can I wake up?

Sally? Sa-lly!? Where the hell are you when I need? "Right behind you, dearie. What's the fuss? I thought you would enjoy this dream..." "And I am. The thing is that I don't want to come back! Don't want to go back to the problems, to the band...hell! I want to stay here!". Sally just looked. "You know you can't. You know you can't, Teddy Boy. But remember I am always around. So you can always come back. And talking about it, you gotta come back. Paul is having a fit." She took his hand and walked away from the Gate... "Call me on a song. And you will see I'm there for you. Ciao, Teddy Boy!'

"John? John, wake up,man!", Paul shouted. "Sally? Is it you?". "Sally who?", Paul asked. John opened up his eyes and all he saw has his mate. Sally was gone. Again. "Which's the current year, Paul?". "1964. You've been drunken, isn't it?". "No. I was...oh, forget. you would not understand."

So anyway, along comes a very very hippie-type girly, named Valerie, along with her guy, Ryan!!! ...and Carol, with Mark, tagging along behind. So Valerie and Ryan and Carol and Mark go to see Titanic at the local theatre, because we all know what a romantic and sappy movie it is. Unfortunately, John Lennon got hisself reincarnated and was sitting in the front row. Valerie was distracted and didn't see much of the movie or Ryan. (much to his disappointment, natch!) "Where are you going, Johnny?" Ryan says, imitated John in the early years. John has a flashback and, like the fool he was, says, "To the top, Ryan!" But nooooo. ...uh, back to you ...

Meanwhile, there was a girl playing fortune, locked in her room. Sort of scary thing to do. When she raised her eyes up of the table, she saw another girl, dressed as a mod chick. They knew each other. "Hi, Barret.", the fortune teller said. "Hello, Jewel Listen, you can read someone's future, pretty please?" . "Of course. The name?...". "Johnny. Johny Winston. My usual friend. Liveprool fellow, plays in a rock and roll band." "Okay. Get me the cards." She started to read it. "Ummmm...things pretty bad for him. Japanese lover givin' him the boot.One accident at one English road...some friend very injuried...he's calling you, Sally....he's calling you...."

"Who's the friend?", Sally asked, already seing troubles."I can't see his face...hey wait. I see it now. Oh my Lord, it's...."

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Ringo's giant nose fell from the sky and KILLED them all, except for John, who had already died once and had decided that once was enough. He found Maggie and married her, and her best friend, Lindsay married Ringo. Then all of a sudden Apu came from Springfield and married Nicolle. "Come back with me and I'll show you Kwik-E-Mart, O.K.? " Off they went.... Lindsay, Ringo, and single John all moved to Springfield and Kwik-E-Mart was their favorite store the unkillable people went to Kwik-E-Mart to have a Cherry Squishy when all of a sudden

That great new band ORGANIZED CHAOS fronted by that wonderful Bill Danylo came out of nowhere and jammed for like 16 hours ubtil they got tired and went to go find some hoagies, sunflower seeds, and babes.

suddenly a non descript voice cried out "MOSH PIT!" Suddenly all the characters form this terribly unorganized book appeared out of nowhere and moshed. Then they all stopped and went off to get bombed.

"YEAH YEAH YEAH!" a voice yelled from the back and everyone stopped dead in their tracks, and turned around to see...

this strange girl called Annie from the future. "What the hell?" someone muttered. Annie decided she was way too cool for this story and left. But not soon enough. Paul had seen her and fallen madly in love with her but she was never coming back. He left the party and went into a major depression...

He stayed there and didn't come out for weeks. The rest of the beatles were DYING because he sent Linda to the studio to make up for his absence. (and you can guess what kind of help she was!) But then, one morning...

he woke up and went off to get bombed on apricot brandy. That's it. Sorry, no plot here.

Yeah, so he was like TOTALLY SMASHED when he arrived at the studio that night...

The rest of the Beatles stared as Paul staggered into the room. John didn't seem to notice since he yelled, "Git your freaking bass out, Paul! We've been waiting for hours!" However, George noticed and took pitty on Paul. He poured him some black coffee since they thought that would sober him up. Well it didnt' work because just then...

Paul started to get really crazy. he remembered things that John did and he said..... " Jooooohn. The world doesn't want to see you naked. I'm the cute one!" He then threw his clothes off and ran back to his house to greet the gatebirds!!!

because Paul had found a glass of Creme Julip, and once you start hitting those, you are out for a week. Paul leaned up against the wall, took the guitar into his hands, and began strumming a psycho-psychadelic melody. John like it so he immediately strummed his rythm guitar and tried to think of some words which went like this:

"What in the bloody hell?!?" John was taking a stroll through central park on eday, when by a tree he happened upon a manuscript called "Skywriting" Well, John sta under the tree in the autumn wind and began reading this manuscript when suddenly he exclaimed, "I could damn well write a bloody book better than this. There's too many dreams involved, lad. I'll add to the story, that's the ticket,and I'll not write about any cliché dream sequences, that's for sure." So he pulled out his Mirado classic pencil (he liked the name immensly) and he started adding to the story. He wrote:

"We need Andy, Heather, and Masha to do a star studded show with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Jimi Hendrix." And we're going to call it WOODSTOCK. yeah, a 3 day festival of fun, love and peace.

But then he realized the beatles were NOT at Woodstock, so he decided to make up his own festival... "What should I call my festival of love and peace?" John wondered aloud. "Maybe you should call it Bagism." came a voice from behind him. He turned to see... Miranda. The strange, melting, healing chick he had seen a coupla times before. "Do you know where Paul is?" she asked...

Just then, Paul came running up to them, nekked as a jaybird... "OH, MY, GOD!" screamed Miranda. "What the hell happened?" "uh, i uh, put something in his drink" said a dark figure. the figure stepped forward to show his face and it was...

BERT, from Sesame Street. (yes, folks, the muppet.) anyone who has ever been to www.fractalcow.com will know that BERT IS EVIL! And it seems that this nefarious muppet has used his evilness to try and ruin Paulie's good name! (BUMM, BUMM, BUMMMM!)

Not if someone could stop him. Well, the someone...the someone...oh damn we do need a someone. And quickly. Before 'Skywriting' gets foolishy crazy. "Miranda, I wonder where's the gate-keeper" . "She's dead, I think. Nothing makes sense anymore!". A rueful and loud grin filled the air. "Yes indeed! This place needs a change! Oh it does. Lemme see what I can do here...". "Sally, you're alive!" "Why, Teddy Boy, so are you. Wanna go for a ride?" As usual, he didn't say no - and so he left the scene, leaving the people to be as crazy as they wanted.

Paul, you wanna go with us?

Do you think it's alright, Sal?

Well, what harm can he do to me? If I didn't ghet crazy with you, Teddy Boy, I won't have any trouble with this cute-or-so-they-said man. Grab 'im, please?

Why do I always have to do the hard job, eh? C'mon, drunken shell...let's go for a ride. Where are we going to?

To a city in the skies. Well, actually it's on Spain. It's called Almeria. You, that has a wicked mind, will have fun there. On the way to go!....Passing thru the gates.....................................

Almeria. He remembered Almeria. Nice enough place. All derert, though. Every movie made in a desert had been made there. almost every, anyway. "Crumbum" he said. And wondered what it meant. It had no signifigance for him.

"Crumbum," Sally defined, "Was a curious turn of phrase used by one character in Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye" and was used as an insult." "The song's Catch Her in the Rye. I know that song." He could remember learning the words. When a body meets a body...

it hurts.

God it hurts. Burns like fire. Like alcohol poured into aa wound. Blue fire. Please make it stop hurting. I'll be good. 'll keep my promise this time. I swear it. I swear it on the father the son and the white album. I swear it on my marriage lisence.

"Amen, dearie", Sally laughed. "Listen up, I have to leave you here, Teddy Boy. I have a meeting with Jerry Garcia. I'll be back in the morning. I'll say this for the umpteenth time: don't put yourself into problems, don't jump of any bridge...and oh yea, keep one eye in your cutie lil' friend. I am off! See ya with the morning lights!" Sally, as usual, exploded in a thousand colors. Paul, poor guy, was sat down on the ground. "John...is it a dream?". "Sort of, lad.C'mon, let's have some fun. Sally is coming back soon and I don't want to lose anything. Le'ts get moving!"

On the way to meet Jerry, Sally Barret remembered something. She forgot to tell John and his cute friend that there was one other thing on the "don't " list. Do not fall in love in a dream. She'd put her hands on fire for John, but that mate of his..."Gotta get back and tell it...before I get into evermore trouble!" And she returned to the Gate Of Dawn. Jerry could wait.

but anyway, please let's pause with this story. BACK to darth vader. "you did not start the band, mate!" said John. "I did. if you listen to honey pie backwards, it's me saying 'death star' repeatedly," said the evil one. "really?" said Paul. "i didn't know that," said Ringo. THEN.. out of nowhere Fleetwood Mac came by. "hey guys," said Stevie Nicks. "what are you guys doing here?" said george. "oh we're in the F.W. fan fic, right?" said Lindsay Buckingham. "DUH! wrong fan fic this is OURS!!" exclaimed Ringo. "oh! sorry" and Fleetwood Mac was outta of there. and you know what? back to the REAL fan fic....

That whispered song...I like that lyric....I won't remember the things we swore and I won't remember your name. I won't remember the future we planned.... I will just love you as then. Paul was listening too. He wasn't interested in the song, though. He was with his eyes locked on the girl. I could hear something else...Sally's voice... "Don't fall in love in a dream! Coz when you wake up you end up in misery! John! Tell him so...before it's too late for you both!". But that was the thing. It WAS too late. The girl looked to Paul and smiled...and Sally shouted. "YOU ARE DOOMED!"

but then chewbacca came along and ate sally. yup sally died. AHAHAHHAH!

Let's just see if it's so, dearie.!

And the world was a happier less-Sallyier place. Flowers grew, birds sung, and people spent large amounts of money buying that great new album from ORGANIZED CHAOS

Psychedelic haze...purple haze all around...in the name of the father, the son and the white album...and the gate of dawn...wake up...wake up before it's too late for you.

sorry mistake with sally's death. first john punched her, then sally punched back, but then darth vader ended her life with a flick of the wrist with his light saber.

You can kill her but you can't kill her laughter....

And by the way...here is a good time to re-start this mess. This was a scaaaary trip, man.

In the beginning there was a beetle on the ground. Young John, of the early age of 5 crushed it with his shoe and laughed. He was about to pick it up and eat it, but his aunty mimi was calling him for dinner.

Like he cared though! John ate the beetle, came down with some rare beetle disease and turned into a jar of marmalade.

The End.

*Close Curtain. Fade to Black*

story number II...

once upon a rhyme, free therris lived in the sky. they all loved cherry pie. of course, peach pie was better, but they couldn't grow peaches, only cherries. and so, john, ringo, paul and george were walking in an ally of green pastureized milk.

So Sally was gone. So John didn't see her. He didn't have to see her to know she was there. Watching him with bright eyes. Always watching. Like the Maharishi, always ey-ing,ey-ing....never getting much of anywhere. John's own mind was too full of interruptions to decipher the meaning of anything. "Sally, why'd you have to go and leave me all alone?"

Right well John realized that this little interlude was just him daydreaming and it was time for him to go back to reality. Knowing that he had to get medieval on Darth Vader's hiney he whipped out his bright Jedi sword and prepared his attack. But then he noticed something-his sword wasn't one colour-it was many colours. ooowaahhoo. He stared into it transfixed until he felt himself being tripped and landing on his stomach. John was about to give this dude the beating of his life when he realized it was his good friend Liam! Yes Liam wouldn't disappear because he's a cool guy and already kicked Paul's sorry ass though Paul in his own right was cool too. So John and Liam had a good laugh together when their beer buddies Mick and Keith showed up-was this a bitchin' day or what. The 4 guys laughed and realized that they should start a band together...

So they called up their great friend Bill Danylo from Organized Chaos and they all jammed for 8 hours and then got bombed on apricot brandy.

Continued on Feb 07, 1998

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